Music Reviews by Bryan B.

Well, it's kinder weird. Killing Joke are one of my favorite alternative rock bands of all time, yet I hate(strongly dislike) most bands that sound like them. Why is this? I suspect it has to do with where the Joke are coming from as opposed to where those, ahem, other bands are coming from. On their best albums(and this is one of them), Killing Joke weave together a delicate symphony of sound, always maintaing a tantalizing balance between dissonance and melodicism. Everything they touch goes into making this delicate symphony better. They can use dance beats in previously unimagined and unbelievably creative ways. The guitars can sound ragged and distorted one minute, or as clear as a church bell the next. The Joke don't owe allegiance to any one style of music, or to any one circle of fans. They are an intensely musical group, complex and intriguing, always in transition and changing. They aren't very poppy or accessible. They're one of the very best groups of their kind, in my opinion, and they have twenty years worth of music to prove it. I hate to make a qualitative statement such as "This album is the greatest album of the 1990s", but if ever there was an album I'd like to bestow this title on, Pandemonium would be it. Far better than anything released by those overrated Brits: Radiohead, Blur, Pulp, or even(gulp!) Oasis. Superior to the best of the neo-grunge movement, certainly. Maybe not as important - Killing Joke aren't exactly going to get on MTV and sell ten million copies as Nirvana did in 1991. But I hold that Killing Joke is the far better band, because they are dedicated solely to music - commercial concerns don't really factor into the equation. But that's just me. From what I can tell, most people don't hear anything remarkable in this recording. Me, on the other hand, I'm blown away. Okay, it has a couple of mediocre songs, but the many excellent tunes are far better than most material you'll come across in the year of 1994.

Track listing:

1. Pandemonium

2. Exorcism

3. Millenium

4. Communion

5. Black Moon

6. Labyrinth

7. Jana

8. Whiteout

9. Pleasures of the Flesh

10. Mathematics of Chaos

If I had to describe the sound Killing Joke achieve on this album, I would compare it to a picture - no, a canvas, yet untouched by hand or paint. Upon this blank canvas, the artist paints a black background - infinite, vast, depressing, profound. No matter what the artist paints over the background, the blackness is still there, still the most noticable feature of the painting. For Killing Joke, the black background is their web of noise. This may put some off at first. Noise is not all that pleasant, and noise bands are quite often talentless. But what seperates Killing Joke from the dozens of alternative, metal, and industrial bands they've influenced is how they layer instrumentation on top of their inaccessible noise. Underneath their black background, their noisy exterior, lies a whole wealth of interesting musicianship - beautiful guitar lines, amazing bass work, even strings and other instruments. The most amazing thing about the Joke is that they are not chaotic or noisy - their songs are arranged tight, compact, carefully. In a way, they are the absolute antithesis of your average, "louder faster harder" hardcore punk band. The Joke paint beautiful, well thought-out pictures on top of their black background, and I love to hear them!

I won't discuss the band in detail as I already did that(more or less) in my first Killing Joke review a few volumes ago. But I will say that the band sounds incredible: Geordie on the guitar demonstrates his extreme adaptability, Jaz Coleman continues to amaze with his novel approach to singing(he uses his voice as if it was a musical instrument in its own right. Remarkable. He also comes up with some of the best choruses I've ever heard in alt rock), and that Arab guy is pretty good on the violin, too. Though I at first dismissed the influences of classical music on Killing Joke, I'm beginning to see that it is a valid comparison: the intelligent, layered instrumentation is certainly reminiscent of what you hear quite often in classical music. What might frighten a lot of people away is the Joke's repetition - I'm surprised it doesn't frighten me away, quite frankly. There are ten songs on this record and it is an hour long. That means the average song length is six minutes(the opening tune is EIGHT minutes long). Yet instead of boring me, these lengthy songs fascinate and intrigue me - I want to catch everything that is going on, I want to hear all the tempo changes, I want to hear every note played on every instrument, every sound effect, every beat. This is the whole Phil Spector "wave of sound" theory taken to the next level, dude, and it's cool by my book. What about your book?

As for the songs, it starts out absolutely incredible - the four songs that open it are among the best work Killing Joke have ever produced(brilliant). The title track is hypnotic and delightful. It pretty much sums up everything I've been trying to say about Killing Joke in the three paragraphs which precede this one. Not only is it an enthralling mixture of dissonance and melodicism, it also boasts of a great chorus and fantastic guitar playing. And track deux, "Exorcism", is about the best industrial song I've ever heard. The harsh background noise is strangely and relentlessly mechanical and machine-like - pulsating dance beats compliment it perfectly as Jaz Coleman tries to scream above the noise. And then? I can't describe the amazing wave of etheral guitar noise that keeps cropping up at intervals; Geordie's harsh leads are good, too. Somehow, the Joke manage to take a song that starts out sounding so inhumane, distant, and machinelike into an affirmation of life itself. I don't really care for industrial music in general, but this...really gets my goat. Maybe the goat in King's Quest I, too! Instead of formless guitar noise, the background layer of sound in "Milennium" is a(the?) prototypical heavy metal riff. But then that ethereal, "Kashmir"ish sonic wave kicks in and the song is changed utterly. It's a beautiful, sudden tempo change. Jaz's three choruses are nice, as well. It's nice to hear him not sound so psychotic and intense for a change. Then there is the Eastern, even more "Kashmir" sounding "Communion" (have you figured out Jaz Coleman is Catholic yet? He loves that religious imagery.) It sounds nothing like any of the other songs on the record with its great use of loud electric guitars and violins. Jaz Coleman as always keeps up with the instruments, contributing a truly Earth-shattering, jarring chorus that doesn't quite make me think of communion. And then a little later in the song we hear...HORNS? Synth horns...in a Killing Joke song? Whatever they are, they sound incredible. It seems that Killing Joke's "concept" is to show the ugliness of life being slowly and gradually defeated by "the beautiful and the sublime." Inhumanity being eliminated by humanity. I'm sure Schiller and Goethe would approve. And I do, too. As for "Black Moon", it's a late period Emerson, Lake, and Palmer album I haven't heard. Don't mention it on a Killing Joke review page, please. Okay, "Black Moon" is the fifth song on this album and starts out weak but redeems itself with another great Jaz chorus. I don't have a lyrics sheet, so I have no clue what he's singing over that relaxing alt rock shuffle. Sounds like "Stressssssss freeeeeeeee, stressss freeeeeeeee!" but I'd be surprised if that was what it really was. But this isn't one of the better songs on this album. Not musically challenging enough to justify its length. "Labyrinth" also is one of the lesser songs on record - kind of boring aside from the excellent string(synth or electric violin, I'm not sure) work. It drags on too long, as well - a clunker that prevents this album from receiving its deserved perfect '10'. "Jana" is something of a rebound - a mellow, bass-driven tribute to the retiring Czech female tennis player Jana Novotna. I'm joking. I was always fond of Jana Novotna, however. Good player. Smart, too. I love the pulsating guitar work in the midsection of "Jana", also. It's really quite a good song, if surprising in its accessibility(Jaz is even singing in a hushed, pop tone). Maybe this was the song that made this album the most popular the Joke ever released - it definitely has little in common with the first four songs. "Whiteout" is a return to industrial rock stylings, but, strangely, it sucks. Boring guitar work, boring chorus. "Pleasures of the Flesh" is more whoopie granola mellowness - decent enough background noise, but surprisingly lacking in punch and experimentalism. It's much preferable to "Whiteout" but it just kinds of sits there and shimmers instead of reaching out and grabbing the listener. We in the bizness call this filler. Unfortunate that it has to clutter a brilliant album. If I could cut this, "Whiteout", and shorten "Labyrinth" this album would be a perfect ten. "Mathematics of Chaos" is a good song to end on. It features good guitar work, a questionable use of dance beats, and another excellent showcase of the "sonic wave" effect that I really enjoy. It's good enough to ensure that this recording receive a '9'. But I give it a 9 with an asterisk, because this is an album that could have and should have and would have been a '10' were it only edited a teeny bit more. As it is, well, it's more interesting than The Downward Spiral.

9 stars(out of 10)

Democracy by Killing Joke(1996)

Killing Joke have been my band of the month so far. In addition to listening to their albums prodigiously, I've been reading interviews with band members, checking out fan pages for them, all that good stuff. In some ways, Killing Joke is a more interesting band than they are a good, creative one. Not that I'm saying they're crap. Nothing of the sort. Just read the whole review, gosh darn it! But first, view the track listing for their latest album which is entitled simply Democracy:

1. Savage Freedom

2. Democracy

3. Prozac People

4. Lanterns

5. Aeon

6. Pilgrimage

7. Intellect

8. Medicine Wheel

9. Absent Friends

10. Another Bloody Election

Killing Joke are a truly alternative band. By that I mean they really sound like they are an alternative force in music...they have their own sound! Considering how many imitators they've spawned and how many groups they've influenced, it's quite impressive that their music still sounds fresh. Basically, Killing Joke are a melting pot(or mutation, if you are a Beck fan! Hah, 90s pop culture reference that makes no sense at all!) of various disconnected musical genres: punk, metal, alternative, techno, ambient. As you might expect, those last two bug me the most. They borrow techno's repetition(which, rather than being "hypnotic" is generally "annoying") and ambient's tendency to insert "noises that mean nothing and do even less!" Strangely enough, though, I can't complain with many of the band's musical experiments: some of 'em sound great! It's at least a great deal more interesting to listen to than your average techno outfit that wouldn't know rock from a stone.

I won't discuss Killing Joke's long history here(for that, search the web or visit Mark Prindle's page on the Joke), but I would like to mention a few of the band members that make up the current "classic" lineup. Jaz Coleman is the singer, and I'd go even so far as to say that he's the leader of the band, though it's not generally stated as such. He's not really much of a singer at all. He's a hoarse shouter. That's what he does. In a way, his vocals don't sound as much like a conduit for his lyrics as they do a sort of instrumental backing in their own right(listen to "Aeon" on this record for a good example of this.) Some claim that Jaz is a headcase, but I disagree. He may be a little weird, but that's no sin. So what if he ran to Iceland to await the apocalypse? Who cares if he recorded a weird spoken word album all about magic? It seems that these days Jaz is a highly respected classical composer. This leads me to believe that he has a great deal to do with the entire sound of Killing Joke as well. But don't be fooled: Jaz's two major musical interests are quite removed. I read on some Killing Joke fan page an excited webmaster's claim that "Killing Joke are the closest thing rock has come to classical music." I don't see that at all. This music is too darned repetitive to be even that highly influenced by classical music. Killing Joke have their own sound, and I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't follow any major musical scale religiously. Well, more about Jaz now, eh? He claims these days to be a sort of Catholic mystic(shades of Kerouac) and no longer seems to have so much time for magic. He's also an environmentalist/"new ager." However, unlike many of his ilk, I believe Mr. Coleman is sincere in his beliefs and worth listening to. Geordie is the Killing Joke guitarist, and he's quite good at it if I say so myself. He has to be to be able to adapt to this band's style(forget "adapt"...he's one of the original members of the band and had a large part in CREATING the style!). Finally, there is Youth, producer extraordinaire and bassist for the band. Apparently. Youth is known for his productions of various techno/dance bands and he has also produced well known major label artists as well(including, apparently, Paul McCartney.)

As for this album, I guess it's not Killing Joke's best, but it's full of interesting muse. "Savage Freedom" opens up the album with a sea of bombast, living up to its title. And Youth contributes a pleasant, repetitious bass line! Funny how you can't hear him hardly for the rest of the album's duration. "Democracy" is a much weaker song musically, but it at least redeems itself a bit lyrically: "You have a choice, we are your voice. Red, blue, or yellow. We will blow away the green. Another five lane motorway(You'll never get a referendum anyway)." I know, it's a sea of conflicting messages. The band seems to believe that representative government has been more or less a failure in the band's home country of England as well as in America. However, they think that it has proven to be a success in New Zealand's(where Jaz resides) twenty four party system of democracy. "Prozac People" is a good song that desperately needed to be written; doesn't bother me if it's a bit overlong. When will people realize that the like of Prozac and Ritalin are quite possibly just as bad as any illegal drugs? I oppose them for the same reason I oppose illegal drugs: they're personality changing! That's dangerous, folks. The way Prozac and Ritalin are prescribed these days we'll have a nation of uncreative zombies before too long. "Aeon" is a song I can't describe. It's incredible, exhilarating, hypnotic, amazing. Long, but not overlong! It's the best tune on this album by far...boy, if all electronica sounded like this, I wouldn't hate it! I wouldn't! Following the acoustic-electric prayer "Pilgrimage", we get probably the album's worst song: "Intellect." Even though it's a crap song, it's neat how Killing Joke can sound like a hardcore band, like an industrial band, and like Metallica all at the same time. Doesn't Jaz sound like James Hetfield when he shouts "Kiss my"? Doesn't he? It's appropriate, since Killing Joke were a major influence on Metallica. "Medicine Wheel" is odd. Just odd. It opens up with what I believe to be a Native American wind instrument...a type of flute perhaps? The final two songs, "Absent Friends" and "Another Bloody Election" end Democracy with a strong note. Both tunes are more traditionally hard rockin' than we might expect given some of the other tracks on this thing.

Musical variety is the key to Killing Joke's appeal, and it's no wonder that they are a favorite of the critics(underground, at least). They certainly have their shortcomings. Their songs are too repetitive, their noise experiments don't always work, their vocals are a joke(maybe even a KILLING one! Ha, ha!), and occasionally their music just sounds outright unpleasant and depressing. The fact that I can ignore these shortcomings and give this album an eight shows just how good Killing Joke are at what they do.

8 stars(out of 10)

The Kinks Collection - Volume One(1996)

I know it's bad form(for this review site) to review two albums from the same band on a single reviews page. However, these Kinks aren't exactly the same band as the one that did Muswell Hillbillies.

1. You Really Got Me

2. The World Keeps Going Round

3. Everybody's Gonna Be Happy

4. Till The End of the Day

5. I Need You

6. A Well Respected Man

7. Never Met A Girl Like You Before

8. Set Me Free

9. I Gotta Move

10. Tired of Waiting For You

There's something that most British invasion bands share. That something is called "stupidity." Yeah, listen to yer early Beatles, yer early Kinks, and literally hundreds of minor bands...be overwhelmed with the stupidity and silliness of their original material. The Who weren't so outwardly stupid and silly, and the Stones preferred to be one of the best cover bands in England until they were able to come up with good material on their own.(Of course, those early Beatles records have lots of covers, too, but they're generally weaker than the original versions, even if the choice of cover is strong.) Unfortunately for me, this collection compiles and profiles the early Kinks. It's therefore mostly useless for me. It's full of dull pop songs that do nothing. Sure, Ray Davies tries to be a little "cool" with his singing and impress the chicks("I Need You", "Tired of Waiting For You", "Set Me Free"), and Dave Davies already had that distinct guitar style that so seperated him and the Kinks from the rest of the pack. However, Ray's main melodies are generally simplistic crap, and Dave is very inconsistent, coming up with a couple good solos("You Really Got Me", "I Need You"), but, on the other hand, often delivering insipid, out-of-place riffs that do nothing but harm these early tunes. Ray's songwriting also is nowhere near the level we expect it to be. He tries on "The World Keeps Going Round" and "A WelL Respected Man", but these are early efforts and more or less discardable.

You'd never guess, after listening to this album, that the Kinks would ultimately become one of the best rock groups ever. They had no potential! It makes me only love them more, though. What a leap they made! Don't buy this album, unless you have great tolerance for British pop and see it cheap. None of the songs really kick me in the ass, with the obvious exception of the fine early klassick, "You Really Got Me." "Tired of Waiting For You" is good to listen to if you've been waiting all day and night for a girl who will never call, though.

4 stars(out of 10)

Muswell Hillbillies by the Kinks(1971)

It seems that one rewrite per review is par for the course at the moment. I don't mind this, as I'm quite aware of my limitations as a writer especially in this environment(my hurried style actually works well for fiction, believe it or no!). It's not that my original review of this album was terrible or anything, but it failed to quite bring out my feelings concerning this particular record. At the time I wrote up my original review, I had only just discovered the reissue of the album and its effect hadn't quite worn on me. I hate rating records against one another and choosing particular albums as the best of a particular artist, but I have to admit the Kinks never did record an album quite like this one. They released some great albums, sure, but none of 'em quite affect me personally like this one. This isn't to say that this is the Kinks "best" album either, however - musically, it's probably not. It's just this one means more to me on a personal level than any of the others.

Track listing:

1. 20th Century Man

2. Acute Schizophrenia Paranoid Blues

3. Holiday

4. Skin & Bone

5. Alcohol

6. Complicated Life

7. Here Come the People in Grey

8. Have a Cuppa Tea

9. Holloway Jail

10. Oklahoma U.S.A.

11. Uncle Son

12. Muswell Hillbilly

13. Mountain Woman

14. Kentucky Woman

At this point in the history of the Kinks, songwriter Ray Davies had slowly wrested creative control over the group, with brother lead guitarist Dave Davies forced to labor in the background. Dave still delivers some terrific lead guitar work on this record, but his playing is no longer a focal point for the Kinks sound...

Under construction

The Kinks, led by the brothers Ray and Dave Davies, were a British invasion singles band. Those singles kicked all sorts of arse. You know what I'm talkin' bout. "You Really Got Me"? "All Day and All of the Night"? Wow, those were pretty rough & tough rockers for the mid 60s. Unlike most other Brit invasion bands, the Kinks were a genuinely talented outfit. They went on to record some of the finest albums of all time...in my book, they're the second greatest band there ever was, and the greatest English one. Sure...it wasn't all wonderful. But what band hasn't had low points? The Rolling Stones have been having primarily low points for twenty five years! But the Kinks man...they rule. Ray Davies is a paranoid, nostalgic, sometimes terribly witty stereotypically English fellow. Dave Davies is a bisexual space alien who sure can play guitar. You can find the roots of punk and alternative rock guitar in Mr. Dave'd six string playin' pretty much from the very start of the Kinks. Ray loves opera; Dave scowls at anything that doesn't have loud distorted guitars. They made odd musical partners, but I'll be darned if the music wasn't wonderful...sometimes. Ray was a more prolific songwriter than Dave, so most of the artistic control of the band went to him. And I thank God for it. Ray's a genius. Ray's fondness for opera eventually brought about a number of Kinks rock operas in the 70s. During this time, the Kinks faded into obscurity except for their devoted fan base. There's good material to be found in pretty much all Kinks albums; granted, some have less than others. But that holds true for most British groups, really. Including those crazy Beatles. American bands were more consistent, but generally(not always) less spectacular.

Muswell Hillbillies is supposed to be something of a fusion between country and rock, but Ray's got too many crazy ideas to pull it off. Some tunes are countryish, but plenty are not. Instead, we have a splendid collection of country-rock, rock, vaudeville, English folk, mini operas, and even a ballad! It's quite a record. Might even be the 'perfect' album. Don't look at me like that! Yes, it might be the perfect album: almost every song can become relavent to you personally if you are in the right sort of mood. It's the opposite of 'mood music' in a way: it can't change your mood, and every song won't compliment your mood, but boy, if you find that one song that is talking to you for today... Okay, I'm going to pretty much describe every song on record here; I hope it won't annoy you.

The album opens up with a splendid rocker entitled "20th Century Man." Actually, it's one of the greatest songs of all time. What wonderful lyrics! I live in a world that I can't relate to for the most part, too. Long live Ray Davies! "I'm a twentieth century man but I don't wanna be here." By the time Ray gets to "You keep all your smart modern writers, gimme William Shakespeare" I'm always about to go "whoo!" and dance around like the crazed redneck I am. And I'm not even a huge Shakespeare fan! Oh...by the way, why does he pronounce "Van Gogh" as "Bam-Bam"? The vocals are pretty hard to follow on this record, which is why you'll likely need a lyrics sheet(if you're interested....I know most of you ain't interested in this paranoid schizophrenic stuff, but I am!). The only thing that bothers me about this song is the keyboard. It's not necessary; I'd rather hear the guitars thank you very much. It ends with a fine little inobtrusive bass line....good work Johnny Dalton!

"Acute Schizophrenia Paranoid Blues" isn't a bad song, either; I like it cuz of the crazy vocal intonations. Schizophreena, scheezophreena, scheezophrena disease! Hey, I got it. You got it! Me and you! Most people hate it, however. The horns used to bug me a bit, too, but now I find them quite enjoyable. Maybe I'm stupider than you?

"Holiday" was the first song that really caught my ear the first time I heard this record. It never has quite managed to effect me as much as on that occasion, but it is a fine lazy piano tune straight from the early decades of this century. Back when men were men, women were women, and children were axe murdering maniacs. This tune also boasts a pretty nice what-I-believe-to-be an attempted Bob Dylan impression! Sure, I've heard better, but at least it's better than my Bob Dylan impression!

I'm the only person who likes "Skin & Bone", as far as I know. I don't know what's wrong with you people. That riff is fantastic! The whole song is a great pop moment! Awww...baby, let's boogie!

"Alcohol" is a spooky tuba and trumpet driven mini-opera....originally, I thought the chorus was "demon of the phone." "But he messed up his life when he beat up his wife..." Good song concernin' the devestating effects of liquor upon humans.

"Complicated Life" is a laidback C&W song, but not in a hickish way. The sustained guitar is quite pleasant. However, the rest of the song doesn't do a whole lot for me(other than having good lyrics). I gotta get away from the complicated life, too.

"Here Come the People in Grey" is a kickass rock'n'roller. Listen to that riff! Most bands would use it as a intro, and then quickly lead it into something else. Not the Kinks. I'm gonna find me a one man revolution, gonna beat the people in grey...but oh no, here come the people in grey to take me away! One of the best songs on the album, though it's not complex at all.

"Have a Cuppa Tea" is a happy little tune from the English countryside. The "hallelujah!" chorus is quite rousing, but I can do without the rest of the song. When I first heard the song, I thought it was "Have a Cappacino." I just thought you might be interested. Actually, maybe I couldn't do without this song...dammit, I like it!

"Holloway Jail" is a pretty great acoustic/electric guitar rock ballad. Even if the opener does sound, briefly, a lot like the Turtles "Happy Together." Groovin' piano, too.

"Oklahoma U.S.A." is a remarkably pretty piano ballad....quite a change up.

"Muswell Hillbilly" is another lovely song...a reflective but not at all angry protest with honestly ironic lyrics: it talks 'bout Ray's being an American country boy from England.

"Mountain Woman" wears itself tiresome on my fragile nerves. It's not a bad song, per se, but just doesn't do a whole lot for me personally.

"Kentucky Moon" is a drunken piano ditty. Neat intermittent moody guitar. I guess I described all but one of the songs. Not so bad. I'd give the album a '9' for sure, if it wasn't for the bonus track "Mountain Woman." "Kentucky Woman" is also a bonus track, but I like it, I told you that. I rhymed track and that, if you didn't notice. Ain't I cool? No?

Most of the Kinks' 70s releases have been recently rereleased, remixed and with bonus tracks(it is the new remixed CD version of this album that I've reviewed here). Happily, this means these fine albums will not go out of print for another few years. Eventually, I'll be reviewing the whole Kinks discography(including imports) but give me lots of time! The Kinks rule, though...they're worth spending all your money on!

8 stars(out of 10)

Everybody's In Showbiz by the Kinks(1972)

Never trust anyone else's opinion implicitly, for there's a very good chance that they, no matter how bright they might be, are completely wrong. Unfortunately, I accepted the general consensus concerning this Kinks album for far too long. On first listen, the record did sound to me to be just like everyone said it was: a Muswell Hillbillies with better production and fewer good songs. So I brushed it aside for the time being. Recently, however, I've given this double album a few attentive listens, and what do you know? I love it! Not everything is peaches and cream, for sure, but it's a very entertaining, in-character album for the Kinks. I'm guessing that most Kinks fans lack a sense of humor and a taste for instrument interplay; if they had either of those two things, they'd like this record a lot more. For me, at least, Muswell Hillbillies was a very serious musical work, but this album is a downright COMEDY record. I mean it - most of the lyrics are humorous, and many of the song concepts are hilarious as well. The music is fine, too, still sounding somewhat countryish, but with tons of very intelligent interplay going on between the guitars, piano, and horns. I'll repeat it again: how on Earth can people not like this album more? It's great! Is everybody so obsessed with finding something "revolutionary" that they're too busy to be entertained? I wonder.

Here's the track listing:

1. Here Comes Yet Another Day

2. Maximum Consumption

3. Unreal Reality

4. Hot Potatoes

5. Sitting In My Hotel

6. Motorway

7. You Don't Know My Name

8. Supersonic Rocket Ship

9. Look A Little On The Sunnyside

10. Celluloid Heroes

11. Top Of The Pops

12. Brainwashed

13. Mr. Wonderful

14. Acute Schizophrenia Paranoia Blues

15. Holiday

16. Muswell Hillbillies

17. Alcohol

18. Banana Boat Song

19. Skin & Bone

20. Baby Face

21. Lola

22. Till The End Of The Day

23. She's Bought A Hat Like Princess Marina

Everybody's In Showbiz is a double album, half studio and half live. The live half I could pretty much do without: it's some oldies, some novelty tunes, and a bunch of great Muswell Hillbillies songs performed in improper order and no longer sounding all that impressive. The studio half is where it's at, though! The Kinks lineup for this album included Alan Holmes and Davy Jones on saxophones and clarinet, Mike Cotton on trumpet, John Beecham on trombone and tuba, and Dave Rowberry on organ in addition to the core band of Ray and Dave Davies on piano, vocals, and guitars, John Gosling on keyboards, John Dalton on bass, and Mick Avory on the drums. Ray Davies is actually a skilled composer who is, last I heard, working on composing a classical piece full of English pastoral music, thus it's no surprise that under his direction the horns sound wonderful and fully integrated into the Kinks sound on this record. Dave Davies altered his guitar tone a bit for this album. It's less distorted and sweeter than usual. It also sounds as if he may have been experimenting with slide a teensy bit. Either way, his leads on this record out George Harrison George Harrison and his countryish licks twang with a bang. And Ray? Well, he's the same Ray he's always been, but he's feeling awful chipper and funny. Singing marvellously well and generally coming with some excellent tunage - even his ripoffs from other artists(and there are a few) on this record usually sound better than the original.

The album's studio half opens with "Here Comes Yet Another Day" a song I believe belongs in that long list of Kinks klassics. Opening with the soft echoes of an organ, it quickly is turned over to Dave Davies who kicks in a nice heavy riff, and John Dalton quickly follows suit. The horns compliment Dave and John perfectly. There's room for both a guitar and trumpet/sax lead.

"Maximum Consumption" starts out slow and plodding with Ray reciting a rather lengthy list of food he's intending on consuming, but then the main melody kicks in and everything becomes much nicer. Smart, short instrument interludes here too: piano here, guitar there, saxophone voici, trumpet voila. Dave Davies in particular serves a couple ultra-sweet, delicious guitar lines that rank about as high as any he's ever performed. Did I mention it's a funny little song, too? As I see it, while Mr. Dave Davies is living the rock'n'roll lifestyle, Ray's just been sitting about in his hotel room watching episodes of Petticoat Junction. Unlike Muswell Hillbillies, where Ray was venting his frustrations with the "unreal realities" of existence, here on Everybody's In Showbiz he's trying to create an unreal reality of his own in his music. The humor on this record comes across as a tiny bit more rural than Ray's standard fare; if we must look for correlations between this record and Muswell Hillbillies, we may link up a few of these songs as the humorous equivalent of songs like "Complicated Life" on Muswell Hillbillies.

And "Unreal Reality" is a real barnstormer. It starts out with this drawn-out, sub-Broadway lush horn opening in which Ray is featured really drawwwwllllling out his words. Hilarious. The actual song is really peppy, mostly led by the dancing bass of John Dalton and once again, the horns. Great escapist lyrics, too. "All around me it's such a reality..." Ah, me too, Ray.

I don't know quite what to make of "Hot Potatoes." I swear I've heard that Harrison-like guitar line before, but I can't recall where. Is this tune a cover? The song's just okay by me, real cute lyrics. Real cute song. Real cute melodies. Let's move on.

Oh, maybe we better not move on. The next song is "Sitting In My Hotel." I was pretty shocked when I first heard the tune: it's obviously a partial ripoff of that great English composer Richard Starkey's seminal opus, "An Octopus' Garden in G Minor." Smart guy that Ray is however, he really makes the song go in directions far removed from Ringo's masterwork. It's not so bad a song, for a piano ballad. Appropriately forceful and impressive sounding. Just not as good as those first three tunes.

Thank the Lord for allowing Ray to quickly recover his form, albeit temporarily. (Thank you Lord. {Amen}) I love "Motorway." It's foot stomping country music straight outta Muswell Hills, bub, with some super rolling keyboards that sound like a certain Johann Sebastian Bach in one of his gidder moments. And what's with that John Dalton guy, anyway? Was he always this good? His bass lines throughout the record are pretty terrific. I'll have to listen for him more closer on the other records now...

"You Don't Know My Name" is a perfectly average Dave Davies song(much like most Dave Davies songs.) The vocals are reminiscent of Rod Stewart. (That is no stunning indictment of the song, mind you - I just think it's funny.) I don't really like the clarinet imitating a flute, so the song's pretty much ruined for me.

The album's sole hit(in England. In America nobody even knew this album existed) was "Supersonic Rocket Ship." It's real soft and gentle, and I like it. What's the main instrument? Banjo? Cuatro? Sanxian? Balalaika? Bouzouki? The song's concept concerns, appropriately enough, a utopian supersonic rocket ship where everybody gets along and there's no discrimination, presumably without the aid of marijuana. I love the sudden horn rendition of the main melody. Nice saxophone murmurings towards the end as well.

Okay, I'm not going to pretend "Look A Little On The Sunnyside" is really very good, but at least it's amusing, biting, and totally sarcastic - like a "Lola" for a generation of people who lived during a time before the birth of Raymond Davies. Being the great populist that he is, Ray just wants to broaden his audience a bit. I suspect it is very popular in graveyards these days(ever read "Bobok" by Dostoyevsky?).

The album's only widely acknowledged classic among Kinks fans is the twenty minute ballad "Celluloid Heroes." The tune concerns the Golden Age of Hollywood, the stars that lived and died during that period, and the metaphors which connect us to them. It's very, very good...lyrically. Musically there's absolutely nothing going on. Still, the song concept is strong enough to keep even my attention...usually. It's a fitting end to this mostly fun'n'games album, for it burns with actual emotional resonance (something the rest of the albums doesn't even try to do.)

Now we have the live side. I haven't much to say about this. I'm not too interested in the live versions of Muswell Hillbillies as none of them are as good as the studio versions except possibly "Alcohol" but I'd even prefer that ditty's studio counterpart. In fact, they downright slaughter every other Muswell tune besides "Alcohol." The band does have a good time on most of these songs at least... "Top of the Pops" is a good, heavy rocker that sounds quite similar to some of the material Dave Davies performs at his solo shows(he doesn't rely completely on his own material, which is a good thing!). "Brainwashed" sounds like the theme song of an old spy television show. It's actually pretty good, but the vocals are overbearing.

"Mr. Wonderful" is a forty second, relaxed jazz tune Ray pulled out of a nearby cotton gin. Fun for the fans, fun for Ray, fun for me, fun for you, we must have the acute schizophrenia paranoia blues. In a nutshell: "Babyface" and "Banana Boat Song" are cute singalongs, "Lola" is ruined, and the last two bonus tracks are worth listening to. I too have the ability to encapsulate.

Final thoughts. Gather round, chill'un, and hear me a' talkin' to ya. This record is a vital one that should be owned and revered by every Kinks fan. Or not, I suppose - if people really find this album so dull and commonplace, that's their perogative. People sure are strange, sultry creatures, aren't they? It marks the true end of an era for the Kinks, as they would come crashing to the ground with two of their worst records, the Preservation series of rock operas. Of course, it's possible I might even enjoy those two albums more now, but I highly doubt it. You'll have to wait for my next reviews to find out...

8 stars(out of 10)

Reader Thoughts

bburks@comp.uark.edu (Brian Burks)

Appropriate for the album, you give a similiarly jovial, sloppy review. Not that that's bad or anything. You think that "Unreal Reality" is one of the better songs? It's got the exact same melody as "Acute Schizophrenia Paranoid Blues", which for me was one of Muswell Hillbillies' few stinkers. And "Sitting In My Hotel" is actually the first good song the Kinks arrive at on this album - the first three suck! Anyway, other than that I pretty much agree with your review - not as good as the five or six previous albums, but good nonetheless. The Preservation concept albums suck, needless to say. By the way, Rod Stewart was actually good for a few years, and about as good as what the Stones were doing at the time -- but he sold out in the mid-'70s and has never made a good record since, just like the Stones.

Preservation Act 1 by the Kinks(1973)

This is an album I've been trying to avoid reviewing for a long time. Why? Well, you see, the Kinks are about my second favorite band of all time(before only CCR), and this album marks the beginning of their decline. Their fall from grace was not so sudden as is often said - indeed, this record is a reasonable collection, if a little depressing because few of the songs remain at a high level of quality from beginning to finish. I do consider this album, as compared to all the other albums ever made, to be above the average.

But just why is this album so disappointing compared to say, Muswell Hillbillies or Everybody's in Showbiz, the two albums which preceeded it? It's not simply that this doesn't have as many good songs as those did, though it doesn't. The real reason I don't like this album a whole lot is because I just don't know why this record exists. By no means does it carve out its own niche like Muswell did(with the brilliant lyrics, muffled vocals, and off-kilter instrumental backup) or even like Showbiz did(with the contagious humor and superb instrument interplay). What makes this so ironic is that this is an album "designed" to mean something...a concept album. I use the term "concept album" very loosely, as everybody does, though. Like most albums of the kind, not all of the songs here relate at all to the concept(and these songs that don't relate at all are the good ones!). Now, this is fine if you've got a record like the Who Sells Out because that's an album designed to have regular songs next to the conceptual stuff(the fake ads, jingles, and what not) - the whole idea centers around this curious juxapositioning! But Preservation Act I is supposed to be telling a story. Imagine, say, you're reading a Dickens novel and in the middle of it Dickens inserts three little short stories he's written recently that have no relation at all to the plot of the novel. Wouldn't that novel become the least bit disjointed? Surely! By the way, Ray's "Preservation Act I" story concerns the rise of a political leader(capitalist pig Flash) who, concerned only with his own preservation and not at all with the welfare of the people, rules with iron fists and a tongue laced with nothing but the finest bull excrement in the land. You might think, "Well, this is a reasonable concept. An interesting story. Ray's quite the smart man, perhaps he really does have something to say about politics." Maybe he does, but as for me I much more appreciate Ray the personal, genuine songwriter - the man who sang of the despair he feels when he looks at the hopeless reality around him that can never match his dreams. The man who wrote and sang and composed the songs for Muswell Hillbillies. I appreciate all the other sides of Ray Davies, too, but that's the record that I admire the most just for the songwriting.

If we dispose the concept for a moment and examine this album as merely an arbitrary collection of songs, I think you might be pleased with what you find...to a certain extent. I do like a lot of the songs here, and I'll discuss them in a minute, but it's important to say that this record doesn't really break any new ground for the Kinks. Though there are as usual some excellent guitar/piano parts in many of the songs, the quality of the instrumental work is largely a decline from Showbiz standards. Though horns are used in a couple of songs here, they tend to detract rather than add to the songs wherein they are featured. There isn't a whiff of jazz anywhere to be heard - instead, Ray's become seriously interested in light opera(I mean in the sense of "serious" Broadway musicals and the like), and it shows. Not in all the songs, mind yeh...there IS some good old rock and roll to be found, too, thank the good Lord, but I do miss the jazz/ragtime influences very much. On the other hand, Ray is singing very well - very forcefully, and with that distinctive "rough edge" that exudes so much personality. But I can't think of a record off hand which features Ray really singing "badly" - he's just a great singer! I even love his Muswell Hillbillies mumblings. Dependably, he comes up with a few great melodies even to match these tunes, though it must be said with an asterisk that a couple do resemble other melodies which shall remain nameless that Ray sang about...oh, four or five years before the release of this album.

What about the other critics...what do they have to say? Well, this record as far as I know got pretty roundly trashed when it came out, and it didn't sell too many copies, much like all the other 70s Kinks albums after Lola. What's more important is how the various net critics think! Brian Burks wrote a good review(in fact, his Kinks reviews are the best I've found) and said many of the things I'm about to say in a more concise and excellent manner - I do really agree with him on this, especially about Ray's lyric "wordiness" getting in the way of a couple good melodies! George Starostin really trashed this one...I hadn't remembered he knocked it so bad! He is right in his criticisms, too, and in fact he's written the most definitively "brutal" review of this record you'll ever find. As for me, the Kinks are one of my favorite bands of all time, and because of that I can find something to enjoy even on their clinkers.

Here's the track listing of the reissued release of this album:

1. Preservation

2. Morning Song

3. Daylight

4. Sweet Lady Genevieve

5. There's A Change In The Weather

6. Where Are They Now?

7. One Of The Survivors

8. Cricket

9. Money And Corruption/I Am Your Man

10. Here Comes Flash

11. Sitting In The Midday Sun

12. Demolition

13. One Of The Survivors(single version)

The reissued version of this album opens with a song not included in the original version: "Preservation", a single designed to introduce the public(what public?) to Ray's storyline. It's a fairly good song, but the guitar line is rather blatantly stolen from Jimi Hendrix...not the most subtle thing the brothers Davies have ever done. I appreciate it being tacked onto this release as it nicely chronicles the story Ray's trying to tell, a story that can be lost amongst all the non-conceptual songs on this album.

"Morning Song/Daylight" is something differently entirely. I like it very, very much - it's almost my favorite song on the record, though unfortunately the boys end up ruining it. Or maybe not - if you believe the CD, "Morning Song" and "Daylight" are two different songs! I don't believe it, though, they segue too perfectly. They are the same song. It starts out gently and extremely quietly, with Ray humming and a cello lilting in the background(brilliantly, too...it sounds like a female voice, but it's not!). The string part becomes more developed(whoever they had playing was very, very good) and begins to take center stage away from Ray's gentle humming...then we hear a slam or two on the old bass drum(which continues to provide excellent rhythmic thrust throughout the rest of the song), an infectious, but quiet acoustic guitar riff crops up and Ray starts singing with all his heart: "Daylight over the Village Green early in the morning, Daylight over the hills and and valleys heralding the morning, Daylight over the mountains and the Village Green..." A chill goes down from my spine to my little toe. This is one of the greatest moments in Kinks history right there - such an anthemic, such a perfect opening! And the way Ray pronounces the opening lines over the ringing guitar line is...classic. Brilliant. It touches me deep down to my Mississippi soul. It's so peaceful and so pastoral yet so rebellious and jarring - that's my sort of punk rock, folx. Unfortunately, it's only brilliant for about ten seconds...but those ten seconds! I wish they would last forever. Ah, well. I'll never forgive the Kinks for ruining this song, easily the most moving and beautiful an opus my mortal ears have ever heard. But they certainly proceed to do so in grand style: the beautiful melody which opens the song is soon replaced by a weaker one, and then the song ventures into ridiculous pastures: horrendous cutesy trumpet playing over Ray's semi-sacharine lyrics. Aghhhhh! How could they do this to me? At least there's a stirring reprise, "I thank God I'm still around to see another dawn..." But it could have been so much better. Sigh. It's a good example of Ray's understanding of rural values and genuineness, though - unusual for a city boy. For those ten seconds, and the blissful peace of "Morning Song"...beautiful.

I really like "Sweet Lady Genevieve", too - a upbeat, unashamedly pop song with a great harmonica, excellent bass drumming, and great understated guitar playing. You have, however, heard a few songs like it before, undoubtedly. I really like the harp and guitar hook, though. And the gorgeous melody, too, I suppose.

"There's A Change In The Weather", on the other hand, doesn't do a whole lot for me. It starts out rather reggae-ish, against the beat, then proceeds without a blush into more cutesy trumpet playing and sacharine lyrics from Ray, and THEN into a rather dull opera influenced section. When the cutesy trumpet playing returns, there are even some female backup vocals. I could do without it. The melody gets on my nerves, then stomps on 'em with childish glee.

"Where Are They Now?" is a ballad in the grand Ray Davies tradition. A few piano chords struck lightly, a beautiful melody, meaningful lyrics. Extremely formulaic, but somehow always moving if not entirely impressive musically. Among other things, Ray's asking where the Angry Young Men now - those literary heroes from our literary past(the 50s) whose words demanded they be noticed despite their having extremely goofy names such as "Sillitoe." It's worth listening to just to hear Ray sound like Tom Petty. And it is affecting, too. Makes me want to take a seat at the piano, hit a few keys at random and pretend to play a melody, then bellow in my best nasal voice,

"Where are the steady boys now?

"Where are the angry young men now?"

It's that kind of song. I do enjoy it, but it's not genius.

"One Of The Survivors" opens with an electric guitar riff inspired by Keith Richards' legendary "Street Fighting Man" acoustic slashing. To dislike this song would be to dislike rock'n'roll itself - it's rockabilly accompanied by a 50s style horn section, Chuck Berry style guitar soloing, and an alt rock mid-section riff. So I like it, but I also like Elvis, Carl Perkins, Gene Vincent, Bill Haley, Little Richard, and Chuck Berry. Hey, and the lyrics are about a 50s throwback who still listens to his old records and rides his motorcycle like the cool dude he once was. It's that kind of song. I do enjoy it, but it's not genius.

"Cricket" is my favorite of the Broadway-style musical material which dominates the latter half of the album. It's tough for me to really enjoy those rather superflous horns and plodding tuba line knowing how superbly these same instruments were used on the last two Kinks records, but the melody is okay enough, and the lyrics are slightly amusing and quite off-beat. "It(cricket) has honor, it has courage, and it's British."

"Money And Corruption/I Am Your Man" is rather bland. The vocal only opening section sounds like a rather mediocre Christmas song, though the protestant lyrics are good. It doesn't get much better till the second section("I Am Your Man"), which features a tinkly piano, gentle bass guitar playing, and Ray calmly reciting Flash's lies very sincerely. If you are listening to this album like an opera which is telling you a story with words as well as music, you should enjoy this section very much as it exists primarily to serve as a vehicle for Ray's story. But if you're listening to this for the songs, as I suspect most of us are, this will probably bore you. It's not good opera as I understand it(I like Mozart and Wagner, not Broadway), but I spose it tolerable enough if you like this sort of music...whatever exactly it is. I find it rather disposable myself.

"Here Comes Flash"'s major contribution to the world of music is the neat surf/spy theme guitar line that sounds like something that might've been on the Cure's first album. I actually enjoy it, though it's all a bit silly - it's energetic, and the vocal sections(periodically featuring a male chorus and a female soloist) are rather good.

"Sitting In The Midday Sun" is more blandness - clearly harking back to several songs in the Kinks past, it never ceases to bore me. Decent lyrics, but it's not like Ray hasn't written enough songs about the sun as it is, and this is coming from someone who very much enjoys sitting in the midday sun himself. The melody is rather tiresome, and the lounge musical backup doesn't really work for me.

"Demolition" also leaves me underwhelmed at first. I don't enjoy the melody, the lyrics, or the instrumentation, though I don't hate 'em either. The dramatic "Demolition" chorus with the quivering female vox sounds like an outtake from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. The gentle "na na na na na" chorus is more to my liking, and the horns end it well.

The reissued version of the album ends on a positive note: the single version of "One of the Survivors", which features better vocals, horns(especially), and guitars than the album version.

I do recommend this album, but only get it after you've picked up six or seven better Kinks albums. And beware: I don't think the opera really succeeds due to the unrelated songs which fragment the storyline.

6 stars(out of 10)

Led Zeppelin III by, unbelievably, Led Zeppelin(1970)

Led Zeppelin are the sort of band that tends to evoke a strong reaction from an audience. Their fans number in the millions, and the band's spawned more imitators than probably any other band this century aside from the Beatles. Zepheads will be quick to tell you of Robert Plant's amazing "operatic" vocal deliveries and Jimmy Page's legendary nimble-fingered virtuoso guitar playing. But Zep detractors will be equally quick to inform you of Page's rather infamous habit of stealing from other people's songs. A few of them will even tell you that Robert Plant is a horrendous, annoying, and one-dimensional singer. Who's right? Well, both are, sort of. At one time in my life, I hated Led Zeppelin with all my might. They were anathema. I had good reason to loath them so, because, you see, back in the days when I actually listened to radio, I was a pretty avid classic rock radio listener. Like any other avid classic rock radio listener, I was subjected to a whole lotta Zeppelin. And a whole lot of BORING, CRAPPY Zeppelin, too. Why is that some of the band's most boring songs became hits? It wasn't until much later when I actually gave a couple actual albums a full listen that I realized that this was a band capable of producing some pretty good rock'n'roll songs. But, still, there's plenty that annoys me about this band to this day. Robert Plant especially. His womanly wails and ear splitting shrieks are just more than I can bear. And what's with his little fake orgasm impressions, anyway? I guess somebody had to influence Donna Summer, but did it have to be one of the best selling rock bands of all time? As for Jimmy Page, well, I guess he was just another drug addicted musician. Sometimes he sounds amazing, other times he just sounds dull and lazy. Oh, and the other two members of Led Zeppelin were John "Boy" Bonham on the percussionoms and John Paul Jones, revolutionary hero, on the keyboards and the bass. They're both pretty good. Actually, JP is my favorite member of the band. He gets more attention now than he used to, but don't ever think he's "just another bassist." He was integral to that Zep sound! Now, view the track list and rest in peace:

1. Immigrant Song

2. Friends

3. Celebration Day

4. Since I've Been Loving You

5. Out on the Tiles

6. Gallows Pole

7. Tangerine

8. That's the Way

9. Bron-Y-Aur Stomp

10. Hats Off to (Roy) Harper

As a forewarning for you, I'll say that I don't have all the Led Zeppelin albums(but you can't expect me to, can you? I'm just not that big of a fan.) No Presence, In Through the Out Door, Song Remains the Same, or Coda for me yet. However, I have heard a lot of what is on those(aside from Song Remains the Same - only heard clips from that live recording), so I can say with a reasonable amount of confidence that Led Zeppelin III is my favorite Led Zeppelin album. For me, it's the total package: some pure, great hard rock(which Zeppelin are famed for producing) mixed with some progressive, experimentary multi-instrumented material that is surprisingly good.

III opens with a bang. "Immigrant Song" is a killer riff rocker though it features some pretty abysmal vocals from Robert Plant(this is the song where he keeps yapping "Ahhhhh....ahhhhh...ahhhhh!" for no apparent reason whatsoever.) Fortunately, the heavy guitars do what heavy guitars should do unless John Fogerty's singing: drain out the vocals. "Friends" is a personal favorite tune of mine. It may not really be Middle Eastern "tinged" as every critic proclaims it to be, but it definitely sounds pretty foreign, especially coming from Led Zeppelin. Real cool, perfectly arranged(courtesy of John Paul Jones, I believe) string work. Does anyone know what the main instrument is? Is it really a guitar? If so, Jimmy's using a pretty awesome alternate tuning for the song. "Celebration Day" and "Out on the Tiles" return the band to hard rockin' territory. Both are pretty good songs with interesting electric six string work from Page. On the downside, they're both maybe a little bit too long(have you noticed that nearly every Led Zeppelin rock song starts out really hard and fast only to totally have the energy suddenly sucked out of it so Plant can do his thing for a couple minutes?). Speaking of long songs, "Since I've Been Loving You" clocks in at seven minutes and twenty four seconds. Musically, it's kind of generic - I've heard hundreds of these "lounge blues" type ditties that normally sensible musicians like to play when they want to slow things down "for the ladies", though I bet if you asked the ladies they'd rather here something grittier too. Pretty guitar work, but ALL of these sort of songs have pretty guitar work. Ever the conscientous plagiarist, Jimmy Page at least distracts us with a heavy riff here and there. John Paul Jones(I guess...) is back playing the organ as well, for the all important "atmospheric" effect. On the upside, Robert Plant's vocal delivery in this song inspired Axl Rose's entire style! Woo hoo! Now that we've got the rock'a'roll and generic ballad out of the way, it's time to go experimental(like on "Friends"). "Gallows Pole" is one of the best songs on the record. Great guitar and banjo(!) playing. This may sound corny, but I honestly love it when the banjo kicks in and goes off on a solo. It's beautiful! That's music! In this regard, I do think of Led Zeppelin as revolutionaries: they saw that all instruments could be used in different ways to fit a particular song(ie a banjo is not necessarily just a country or folk musical instrument). Did you know the mandolin started out as a classical instrument? Several notable composers composed for it, in fact. But in the twentieth century it's become an almost exclusive mainstay of bluegrass and country bands. I only find the two ballads "Tangerine" and "That's the Way" passably interesting. They're both good, mind you - the ballad just ain't my favorite musical form in the world, unless we're talking Fernando Carulli. It's "Bron-Y-Aur Stomp" that excites my attention more. Musically, it's almost pure country - John Bonham's heavy bass drumming really makes the tune. And my oh my, that Page can play some dern HEAVY country muzak! Garth Brooks ought to listen to this sometime. This is the song that I personally return to the most for return listening, even though it's not my favorite song on the album. It's a real pity that this record has to end on a ROTTEN note: "Hats Off to (Roy) Harper" which I see to be a rather poor and shameless imitation of Robert Johnson. Plant is even imitating Robert in the vocals???? And the production is purposefully low-fi to further complete that Johnson effect. Worst of all, the song is only credited as being "traditional" - not a mention for Robert anywhere. It's so blatant I can't fathom what the band wanted to prove with the song.

All in all though, this is an excellent album. Especially recommended for guitar players, as Jimmy plays electric, acoustic, steel, and slide guitar on the record very well - not to mention banjo :). I give it an eight. Now I believe I'll go dust my broom, yeaaah.

8 stars(out of 10)

Led Zeppelin IV by Led Zeppelin(1971)

Note: Of course, this album doesn't have much of a name so I decided to just conform and call it IV like most folks do.

There's one trait that most of the consistently overrated albums of the classic rock genre share: brilliant production. The first time you put on Sgt. Pepper or The Dark Side of the Moon how can you help but be blown away by the sheer sound of it all? Those albums SOUND classic - unique, original, amazing. Unfortunately, the more one listens to said albums the more one realizes that despite the great production there simply aren't that many great songs. One of the nice things about being alive in the 90s is that we're becoming more and more acclimated to well produced bands that really suck, hence we can take a clearer look at these supposed classics. Garbage are a good example of this 90s production phenomeneon. Their songs sound anthemic, well-crafted, and classic enough at first listen, but pretty soon you realize: Hey! This is really crap! There's no real music going on! It's mainly production! Of course, you know as well as I do that Led Zeppelin didn't suck - along with the Beatles, they are the most influential rock band there is. And every album they released has a few good songs, this included. But in no way does this album deserve to be one of the best selling rock albums of all time. For my money, it's weaker than LZ's own III. Quite like DSOTM and Sgt. Pepper, this is a little record that people just don't pull out all that often - even fans of the record admit this, though they still try to claim it as pure genius. It's true that it has been widely overplayed on radio, but that doesn't matter - I'd still get sick of these songs even if they weren't overplayed.

A little history, if you hah. By this time(1971), Zep were of course very, very big. The first two records were best sellers, the third was considered a misstep by critics but loved by hardcore fans, and as a live act there was basically no bigger draw in the world. III might have been the band's greatest artistic triumph, with its skillful combination of heavy and fast rock'n'roll and decidedly unique takes on folk and world music - it certainly shows the most depth in songwriting for the band, and makes their later attempts at diversity(Houses Of The Holy, anyone?) seem disappointing indeed. And yet people weren't going for III as much as they should have been. Zep's image was still as the heavy rockahs who would only occasionally wax mystical. To return to the top of the charts, clearly Zep had to return to their blues-rock/mystical balladeering specialty. And so they did. The rockers don't rock as hard or as fast or as excitingly as the ones on III, but for a world that would soon fall in love with the soothing sounds of Bad Company they were quite alright. And the ballads - well, they were very popular, too. The folk elements which made III such an interesting little record have been pushed to the background, allowed to shine on but a couple of tracks. Clearly, the public's demands had been heeded...and III would never be equalled.

Here's the track listing:

1. Black Dog

2. Rock And Roll

3. The Battle of Evermore

4. Stairway to Heaven

5. Misty Mountain Hop

6. Four Sticks

7. Going To California

8. When The Levee Breaks

In order to maintain my "integrity" as a reviewer, I try to listen to an album three or four times over the course of a few days before writing up a review - especially if it is an important album like this one. This review might just be radically different(well, perhaps not radically, but at least more kind) if I had given a lazy single re-listen to this record before writing it up, because all of these songs have the capability to impress when taken in small doses. Unfortunately, most all of these songs have the capability to bore and to annoy when listened to often, something great music never does. I'm not talking about listening to this record every day - it becomes annoying even if it is listened to every week or every month. At least to me that is. Ah, well, never you mind. I don't hear any of the guys at the band at their best here with the notable exception of drummer John Bonham, who is absolutely amazing throughout. Jimmy Page's biggest weakness as a guitarist is his tendency to rely on repetitious riffs. This is a true shame as there are few guitarists who use the "exotic" guitar tunings that Page frequently uses so effectively. And while he does come up with a few drop-dead gorgeous guitar lines and rockin' riffs on this album, the mind numbing repetition gets old in a hurry. The fact that Page doesn't have a good vocalist to lean back on hurts him as well - Robert Plant is at his high-pitched, obtrusive worst on this here album. You may swoon at how his elfin wails suit the Tolkien-inspired lyrics just perfectly, but I don't go for it. Some of the lyrics are pretty good in their mystical little way, though...I mean, millions of people read Tolkien, but not very many could sit down and write something so loosely poetic and enigmatic as "Stairway to Heaven". And what of John Paul Jones? He's playing some keyboards pretty well, but his bass playing has been pushed off to the sideline.

The album starts with two 70s rock anthems, "Black Dog" and "Rock And Roll" but, really, it's tough to praise these considering how these two songs gave birth to the risible genre of 70s mainstream cock rock - just a heavy(but not too heavy) riff repeated over and over again and a guy singing is all. A boring solo for good effect. The riffs are good, mind you: "Black Dog" is actually the first Zep song I heard that I liked as a kid listening to classic rock radio, though after hearing it twenty more times during the same week the novelty of the tune wore off pretty quick. And "Rock And Roll" is really catchy with some phenomenal drumming from Mr. Bonham! But I can't stand Plant's vocals - he gets my vote for the most annoying vocalist of all time, surpassing even Jon Anderson. The solo on "Rock And Roll" is better than the solo on "Black Dog" but it probably should be still better than it is - ends really nicely, but it is mostly just boring wankin'.

The album goes into another, softer direction following the bombast of the opening two tracks. "The Battle of Evermore" is the most self-consciously English folkie of all the tunes, and it is lovely enough. The mandolins and the guitars shimmer and shine gently over the sea. Even Fairport Convention's Sandy Denny makes an appearance. But I can't say the song is one of my favorites. It comes across sounding more contrived than Zep's folk stylings on III - I definitely don't listen to this song and think to myself, "Wow, Led Zeppelin are really in touch with their English folk roots. They're so genuine!" I just think, oh, okay, Led Zeppelin is writing an English folk song with more mystical lyrics. Admittedly, I do tend to prefer American and Eastern folk music(perhaps even African!) over European folk music, but still... The song which catapulted Zeppelin from mere rock'n'roll demi-gods to the status classic rock gods was of course "Stairway to Heaven". It's one of the most played tracks in radio history - to this day it is played on a near daily basis by most classic rock radio stations in the United States of America. So that's a reason to hate the song, I suppose. I, too, have heard it more times than I would have liked to. Yet it is also unquestionably a very original and good song in my mind. It delivers two things Zeppelin rarely deliver: good lyrics and a good melody, while it lacks what usually constitutes Zeppelin's greatest strength: excellent guitar playing. The guitar playing is decent, mind ye, but minimalistic - the "rock" section in particular come across sounding more like a statement of intent than anything special musically. The mournful organ playing gives the song much of the atmosphere. And the lyrics are poetry. "It is whispered that soon, if we all call the tune, the piper shall lead us to reason, and a new day will dawn, for those who stand long...And the forests will echo with laughter." Certainly, this is Zep's best "mystical" ballad, though perhaps not their greatest moment. It may, however, be Plant's greatest moment - he only sounds annoying on the "ooh it makes me wonder"'s.

Eh, well, "Misty Mountain Hop" is a hippie anthem bout people with flowers in their hair and such which should suddenly make you very glad that Frank Zappa recorded Freak Out all those years ago. The counter-melody is really good, the keyboard riff is a nice touch, and the drumming is phenomenal, but it's mainly worth sitting through to hear Page's fantastic mid-section guitar line. The lyrics make me cringe on this one, and Plant's vocal antics are extremely annoying. Gosh darn it, Plant, why do you have to ruin all these songs??? "Four Sticks" is best described as a showcase for John Bonham's drumming: he's proving to one and to all that he can do much more than bang his set hard - he's using four sticks to imitate the even beats of a conga drum. Cool! The song just isn't that good though. The grungey riff which opens the song is good enough, but clearly Page was running out of ideas. He just uses the same riff and only adds some ethereal atmosphere(dropping back into "sitar" tuning, I think...can we say "overdubs"?) here and there for the entire rest of the song! And Plant is horrible with that lilting wail of his. Just sounds like a goof, he does. Hmmph!

The album's second "folk" offering is "Going to California." Plant is singing the sad, reflective lyrics in a lower key for once - almost in a monotone. Page's acoustic guitar playing is not only lovely but also intensely impressive. This is definitely the only folk song I've ever heard that rips off Haydn. I recommend it highly to you and yours. It doesn't sound that much like Pearl Jam's "Given to Fly." Finally, the album ends with a bloooze workout entitled "When The Levee Breaks." I prefer Muddy Waters' "When The Eagle Flies" myself, but there's something to be said for the heavy drums and honking harmonica(played by Plant!) of this tune. It's a big fan favorite, but probably won't impress too many people who are more than casual blues listeners. It's very cool to hear Page play electric slide, though, and he does it very well. I would probably like it better if they stripped away some of the vocals and perhaps some of the drifting harmonica playing(it's seven minutes long!).

7 stars(out of 10)

Reader Thoughts

(George Starostin)

Mmm... let me disagree for a moment with you on here, Bryan. See, you know I'm not the biggest Led Zep fan in the world, but I still don't like it when you call the solo in 'Rock'n'Roll' 'borin' wanking'. I mean, Page's main strength, want it or not, is in his soloing: his riffing is good, too, but his soloing technique is usually what gets all the hoots. Now I'm no technical expert in this matter, but I must say I really, really like both the solo on here and on 'Stairway To Heaven', which you somehow forgot to mention. To me, that's what Jimmy is all about: dazzling his audiences with outstanding guitar pyrotechnique. That's why I'm not a fan of Led Zep III, actually: he's a good acoustic player, but an ordinary one. He doesn't do much to elevate his acoustic playing to an outstanding technical or spiritual level. He's mainly good at hacking - and hacking he does, quite impressively at that. So I really can't understand your gripes about 'Rock'n'Roll'. And the statement that 'Stairway To Heaven' lacks excellent guitar playing is really strange. That's the best solo Jimmy ever did, period. I agree that John Paul Jones and Plant are not at their best here, though. I also agree that the record IS overrated. But come on - a 9 would be a fairer deal.

And a counter-comment from Bryan:

Ooh, George, this is a really good comment - so good I'm going to have to answer you in a "counter-comment" so I don't get a million flames. I must admit, I temporarily forgot that "Stairway to Heaven" is supposed to be the holy tome of guitar soloing along with "Freebird." Truth is, I've never really appreciated that kind of guitar soloing. It doesn't offend me("wanking" is a much more mild term for me to use than it is for Mark Prindle...), and in fact I'd probably rather hear somebody fiddle with their guitar for a few minutes than sing a mediocre melody. But there are two main "schools" of guitar soloing - one school says you should fit as many notes as you possibly can per bar in order to show off your fingerspeed and virtousity, and the other says you should get the maximum use out of each note you play. In general, I side with the latter school. I would never called Jimmy Page a guitarist who "crafts" excellent solos because most all of them have a few superflous sections(it's like I said: "Rock And Roll"'s solo ends very well, but it starts out generic. A more concise guitarist wouldn't have gone through such rubbish to get to the good stuff). So I would much prefer to stick with Eric Clapton(who often managed in his prime to balance intelligent, cautious soloing with impressive stretches of virtuosity as well, making him a graduate of both schools) and John Fogerty. I also admire a few jazz guitarists such as Charlie Christian and Django Reinhardt who follow similar similar philosophies. But the true master at cranking out the most out of every note is probably bluesman B.B. King.

I should've commented on the solo in "Stairway to Heaven", however. I agree it may be Page's best solo(which, you see, coming from me doesn't mean that much) but I believe it's primarily there for "mood" purposes. If you stuck it in another song, not so many people would be amazed by it - it's just that slow build-up punctuated by the organ and soft guitar playing and of course Plant's vocals that makes the crescendo(the solo) so exciting. Whereas I think you could probably paste a couple of Clapton's better solos in Cream into another song and have it still impress - it might not fit the song, but they'd still amaze you!

That said, the record would easily get an eight or a nine from me if it were not for the presence of Robert Plant. He makes most of the songs an unpleasant listening experience for me. With a better vocalist, songs like "Black Dog" and "Rock And Roll" would be improved immeasurably. I find it very difficult to praise a band with such an overbearing singer, however. I'd feel guilty giving it a nine knowing that most people who could not stand Plant's vocalisms would hate it.

glassmoondt@yahoo.com(Nick Karn)

While you'd feel guilty about giving this album a 9 knowing people who don't like Plant's vocals won't be able to stand it, I'd give it a 9 and not have any problems with it, even though Plant was the one who turned me off to the band in the first place, and still makes me cringe at times. Sure, he's not a great singer, but I can certainly get used to his often annoying vocals because he fits the songs well, and the players are what really get my attention anyway. The key here is, even though the musicians may not be at their best besides Bonham (who incidentally is my favorite Zep member), they still give absolutely captivating performances. Jimmy Page's work in "Stairway To Heaven" definitely IS incredible- it's earned the right to have its' solo named the greatest of all time. Bonham is of course brilliant the whole way (definitely on "Misty Mountain Hop", which makes up for Plant's whining there, and ESPECIALLY on "When The Levee Breaks"... the whole world is ending with the force on that cut), and Jones is a bit buried, I agree, but still impressive. The only track I can honestly say I don't like at all is the opening "Black Dog" - it just seems kind of stupid and not that memorable, and when Plant's singing in "Four Sticks" he sounds like a freakin' girl and it irritates me, but the instrumental sections there are phenomenal, so it's still a good song. A fabulous album, but it's not their best: Physical Graffiti would be that for me, followed closely behind by Zep 2.

Symphony Number 9 in D Minor by Ludwig Van Beethoven(1822, 1824)

Though their place in history is forever tarnished due to their continual warmongering, the German civilization is one of the finest the world has ever seen. Their art, above all other nation's art, comes the closest to achieving pure perfection. When I say the word perfection, please don't confuse it with the word "greatness." They are two different things. Perfection is simply something without flaws(relatively speaking, of course. An imperfect creature like a human being can never truly achieve perfection in anything he makes or does.) Even if something is without flaws, however, this doesn't mean that it is endowed with unique and great qualities. For example, there's nothing really bad I can say about Faust or even Also Sprach Zarathustra. These are impressive works of art that tackle the very fundamentals of life itself. Yet I can name you any number of books I like better than ASZ...is this simply taste clouding my vision? Yes, no, maybe so. I would say that there are books and plays more powerful than those two works I mentioned, even if it would be impossible to find a book or play with fewer flaws. In fact, some of the books and plays I rank higher than those two I would freely admit have many more flaws! Greatness and perfection are two very different things, indeed.

As for this musical piece, the 125th musical work of Beethoven's career, it assuredly is as close to musical perfection as anything any musician or composer ever created. It also achieves a measure of greatness, too. Faced by perfection, I acknowledge my limitations. Here, I cannot be a critic. I have no true criticisms to make. I can, however, be a reviewer. I can tell you about this work, and I can share with you my opinions concerning it, but no more. You'll find no sweeping statements here, no fiery words or grand generalizations. Instead, you'll merely uncover one man's thoughts, so take them for what they're worth(which isn't darn much.)

This Symphony Number Nine is divided into four movements: (1) Allegro ma non troppo, un poco maestoso, (2) Molto vivace, (3) Adagio molto e cantabile, and (4)Finale - Presto. I personally divide the symphony into two smaller parts. The first section encompasses the first three movements: this is the Build-Up. The last section consists of the Finale, which I call the Climax. If I had to name one bad thing about this symphony, I would mention some small portions of this Build-Up. These sections seem to me to be positively superflous, and not even particularly good music if they were forced to stand on their own merits away from the rest of the symphony. However, this IS a symphony, and all the movements ultimately do blend together to form a harmonious and powerful whole. Besides, the first three movements for the most part are excellent - it's merely a few dull digressive interludes I could do without. Ultimately, though, it is not the quiet, intense fire of the first movement that make this one of most well-known pieces of music on the planet Earth. Nor is it the cheerful aural loveliness of the second(which is probably the best movement of the four musically). Or even the slow, melancholy third. No - let's not fool ourselves. This symphony is famous for the Climax as I call it, otherwise known as the finale. This is where the huge choir and lead vocalists(following the instrumental section, of course) begin singing the words of Schiller's famous poem "Ode(or Hymn) To Joy", and the bombastic orchestra backs 'em up all the way. This is how Beethoven wanted to complete his piece, and I honestly can't think of any better closer. After touching multiple moods in the first three movements, Beethoven shows us his main ideal: that humanity is good, that life is worth living, that there is joy and happiness to be found for every bit of sorrow and pain on this planet Earth. Of course, you and I know that's all bosh, but fairy tales are fun ain't they? It helps that Beethoven somehow managed to come up with the greatest melody in history for the tune, too. Not just a melody, but THE Melody! Forget all those happy Beatles albums for just one moment. This is remarkable! Of course, classical critics ultimately slag this final movement as too repititious, and too reliant on the simplistic theme, but its popularity bespeaks otherwise. I'd rather hear this than the meandering third movement or inconsistent first any day. A moment for me - a moment for Ludwig - a moment for German culture as a whole. Yee-haw! I guess it does drag on a little long...but it's worth it!

Though this story has been repeated ad inifinitum, it's worth mentioning again. At the time he was composing this piece of music, Beethoven was going completely deaf. At the time this piece of music was first performed in concert, Beethoven could not even hear his masterpiece being played in front of him, at least not with his ears. It's amazing that one of the great pieces of classical music of all time could've been composed by a deaf man. Music only serves a purpose to those who have ears and can hear, doesn't it? How then can a man who has, as it were, "lost" his ears still retain his understanding of music? Oh, there are many things we do not understand about the world we live in, my friend. And that is that.

I'm only allowing myself to criticize this work lightly with my rating. I would feel almost comfortable giving this work a 10, in its glory and its perfection, but almost comfortable isn't quite good enough for me. Structurally, this symphony is perfect. But taken in a single sitting, some parts of the work do become tedious to the listener. And I can't tolerate boredom along with my entertaiment - can you? So, I'm going to give this a grand rating of '8' - I hope my review above has shown you that is an unusually powerful '8' rated musical piece. And it is essential!

8 stars(out of 10)

Gold and Platinum by Lynyrd Skynyrd(1979)

Once upon a time, Lynyrd Skynyrd was my very favorite band. I still enjoy their music a great deal. They merged two wonderful kinds of music: good ol' Southern honky tonk and '70s blues-based rock and roll. They combined this all with a fine(though often unnoticed) sense of humor. And Lynyrd Skynyrd are the kings of Southern rock. Their only real competition for that title is that other fine Southern jam band, the Allman Brothers. Skynyrd wins out for better vocals and because they rarely overdid their guitar jams.

Track Listing:

1. Down South Jukin'

2. Saturday Night Special

3. Gimme Three Steps

4. What's Your Name?

5. You Got That Right

6. Gimme Back My Bullets

7. Sweet Home Alabama

8. Free Bird

9. That Smell

10. On The Hunt

11. I Ain't The One

12. Whiskey Rock-A-Roller

13. Simple Man

14. I Know A Little

15. Tuesday's Gone

16. Comin' Home

My mind keeps changing about the music of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. I can't honestly write a Skynyrd review without mentioning the nay sayers. Yes, my friends, Lynyrd Skynyrd has been blacklisted in "trendy" rock circles for years, for no good reason. Now shoitenly, there are things that are not to like about Lynyrd Skynyrd, but the same goes for every band that ever existed. Now, sure, most of the nay sayers ain't Skynyrd listeners aside from what they hear on the radio, but I find the comparison between LS and many other 70s rockers(like the flagship of 70s rock, Bad Company) inaccurate. To a certain extent, you could argue that most 70s rockers had gone too far away from the original rock'n'roll credo of speed. The new standard for a rock song became (1.) find a good guitar riff or two, (2.) repeat those riffs slow and painfully over the course of 4-5 minutes. It made for some great songs, but only for a while. Eventually, you're going to realize that aside from the title track, Bad Company isn't a record you're gonna want to hear every day. LS was a slightly different variety of band, however. Now sure, they did create some bloated F.M. slow-rock(like "Free Bird", maybe?), but there's much more to Skynyrd. Piano boogie, creative guitar work, lazy vocals courtesy of Ronnie Van Zant that can be surprisingly effective. I'd almost put him on my list of favorite singers of all time, but that lazy Southern singin' style...so cool, but so put-offish at the same time. Ultimately, I reckon I'll always like Skynyrd, despite being poisoned against 'em by trendy alt rock critics.

I originally gave this compilation an '8', then raised it to '9'. Now I'm lowering it again to '8' because I just don't listen to it all that often.

Here's my original amateurish paragraph where I analyze this collection track by track: "Down South Jukin'" is an incredible song that never gets played on radio. It's my favorite song on this album, de facto. However, it is mispelled on the flap "Down South Junkin'." Maybe somebody needs to be fired. Unfortunately, DSJ is followed by "Saturday Night Special", which features Skynyrd attempting to do a darker song, something which they would continue to attempt throughout their career. This ditty, though not one of my favorites musically, surely disproves the idea of Skynyrd just being a gang of rednecks. How many rednecks do you hear penning anti-handgun songs? "Gimme Three Steps" happens to be the greatest song ever made, but this live version doesn't quite do the studio version justice. Still pretty good, though. "What's Your Name" is real good honky tonkin'! Real good! "You Got That Right" is a beautiful followup. "Gimme Back My Bullets" is everything "Saturday Night Special" wishes it could be. "Sweet Home Alabama" is everything "Gimme Back My Bullets" wishes it could be. I mean, let's face it. If we were songs, we'd prolly pretty much suck. We would love to be "Sweet Home Alabama." It IS classic rock. If there's a classic rock station in this country or the Netherlands which doesn't play this song, it's crap! After Sweet Home, we get the live version of "Free Bird", thank you very much. I'm not that crazy about the bird, actually. It's a sweet little song and all, but the boys have done better. Flip over your record or change your cassette and you can listen to side 2! It starts off strong with that great jammer "That Smell". It may be the best of the Skyn radio tunes, since some of the best guitarwork in all Skynyrdville can be found therein. Incidentally, the tune is about Ronnie Van Zant's own excesses. "On The Hunt" is just funky fun. "I Ain't the One" ain't all that impressive, but you're not a beauty, but hey you're all right! I used but twice in that sentence, and quoted Springsteen in the process. Why don't you shoot me? "Whiskey Rock-A-Roller" is a fine ditty but it should be much better all the same with a sort of nice mellow bass solo. "Simple Man", on the other hand, is one of the real hidden classics on this side. What a piece of rock and roll musicianship! Tis beauty, my friends. Never gets on the radio, neither! "I Know A Little" is plain ol' fun honkytonk. "Tuesday's Gone" sounds a bit countryish to my ears, but it's just alright, too. Tuesday's goooone with the wiiinddd. Melody, melody, that was her second name. "Comin' Home" is a pretty good jam! All in all, this is a fine album. This isn't a bad way to get introduced to Skynyrd; pretty good selection. By the way, in case you were wondering, Lynyrd Skynyrd does still exist today, sort of. Most of the original members of the band died in a tragic plane crash. The current band can't compare with the original, but, hey it's ok. I'll be reviewing their album "Twenty" before too long.

Then again, maybe I won't. Honestly, I don't know why I was so dern excited to review Gold and Platinum. I made a jackass out of myself with my stupid descriptions of every song! Let this review be a lesson to you: nobody's born to write good reviews :).

8 stars (out of 10)

The Immaculate Collection by Madonna(1990)

Well, I tried to be a displomatic as possible in my original review of this record. However, my computer decided to freeze at an inopportune moment, causing my unsaved almost finished review to disappear into the vast virtual ether. So now I'm really mad. I'm just going to rewrite these reviews as straightforwardly as possible. No beating around the bush. Feel free to leave me hatemail. Track listing:

1. Holiday

2. Lucky Star

3. Borderline

4. Like a Virgin

5. Material Girl

6. Crazy For You

7. Into the Groove

8. Live To Tell

9. Papa Don't Preach

10. Open Your Heart

11. La Isla Bonita

12. Like A Prayer

13. Express Yourself

14. Cherish

16. Justify My Love

17. Rescue Me

I hate the music of Madonna. Her records are artificial, sterile, boring, banal, repulsive, and stagnant. Her vocal style typifies the awfulness of white female pop singers. Her "music" doesn't even sound like music...so damned fake! Her "people" use keyboards, synthesizers, electronic drums, and occasionally bass to create utterly boring girly noise. Sure, occasionally this boring girly noise wasn't so horrible. In fact, the first three songs on this compilation featuring the early Madonna are just mediocre pop songs...they're almost catchy, but that almost is the killer, isn't it? I guess "Material Girl" is in that almost catchy level, too, but "Beat It" was a better song. However, the rest of these songs(and every other Madonna song I've ever heard) have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It's nice that there's a Spanish guitar on "La Isla Bonita", but it ends up sounding like elevator muzak.

I don't quite understand why Madonna is still so loved and respected now that she's an old woman. She's still able to come out with a double platinum album(Ray of Light) on the force of the 80s oldies movement. Is she still relevent amidst the sea of boring electronica dance groups of the late 90s? Can she continue to change with the times as the sounds continue to evolve? Probably. Electronica and all its knockoffs are just as plastic, dull, soulless, banal, repetetive, and stagnant as the 80s Madonna's version of pop music. Bleck. Is this the logical progression of music over the ages? Chopin, Armstrong, John Lee Hooker, Bachman Turner Overdrive, Madonna, Radiohead, Portishead...? If I had to listen to Madonna every day, I'd probably end up loving hardcore. At least that's some exciting tuneless noise. Anything but this monotony! My brain cells are dying! They're dying! Killed off by Madonna! Oh no!

1 star(out of 10)

Metallica by Metallica(1991)

Metal becomes mainstream? Heaven forbid. But yes, Metallica is mainstream metal, now anyway. When I think about it, the music I like(classic rock, blues, even a little jazz mixed in) seems to be as much of an alternative form of music as alt rock or metal; at least among the top 40 buyers of today. Oh yeah, to this album....track listing please? Sure:

1. Enter Sandman

2. Sad But True

3. Holier Than Thou

4. The Unforgiven

5. Wherever I May Roam

6. Don't Tread On Me

7. Through The Never

8. Nothing Else Matters

9. Of Wolf And Man

10. The God That Failed

11. My Friend of Misery

12. The Struggle Within

Wow. "Enter Sandman" is one helluva album opener. As a matter of fact, that first side is quite excellent. "Enter Sandman" and "Holier Than Thou" being the standouts in my opinion. When the time came for me to change this baby you probably know as The Black Album over, I was thinking to myself, "Wow. This might be an 8." But no. Side 2 pretty much sucks. Apparently, I'm the only person who doesn't go crazy over "Nothing Else Matters." So Metallica can do a decent slower song! Good for them! No, my friends, the song that saves side 2 is "Of Wolf and Man." Though it starts out quite questionably sounding like filler, the guitar solo is the best on the album. On first listen, I gave this album a 6. Now it has earned its 7, but I can't see me giving it a higher rating than that. Too much filler. Here's my old ending paragraph:

At the end of the day, this album is essential 90s metal. But the genre's best(and this group's best) were pre-90s. Still, a pretty good album but it's not surprising MTV would pick this one to go crazy over, either.

7 stars (out of 10)

Ruslan and Lyudmila by Mikhail Glinka(1842)

Mikhail Ivanovich Glinka is widely considered the father of Russian classical music. His dream was to create a uniquely Russian type of music by combining the folk music of the peasants, the Asiatic influences brought in by the Tatars, and the Western European classical music which enfused St. Petersburg. This is his second opera; his first, A Life for the Tsar is his most famous, but I haven't heard it yet. When I first planned to review this piece for my site several months ago, I had a very different opinion of it than I do now. I considered it a charming, romantic piece that was decidedly "lightweight." Now, however, I simply think it's wonderful.. Certainly charming and romantic, but also very warm-hearted, non-pretentious, innovative, and fascinating. Listening to this piece really makes me hungry to listen to more Russian classical. I'm familiar with a fair bit of Rachmaninoff(whom I dislike very much), and of course Tchaikovsky(whose Violin Concerto in D is my favorite classical piece of all time. It is a pity that a lot of his other opuses are horribly dull.), but beyond that I know only a few names. The type of music Glinka created in Russia became known as the "Nationalistic" school, and its later members included the likes of Mussorgsky and Cui. I actually haven't heard either(ELP's Pictures at an Exhibition doesn't really count, does it?), but for what I've read it seems that most post-Glinka proponents of the nationalistic school failed to be as progressive and innovative as Mikhail. Instead of striving to perform the common music of a united country, they instead turned almost completely to the folk music of the peasants. Since I haven't really heard anything beyond Glinka, I can't really say - I certainly will check out these other nationalistic composers some day.

I think it is one of the greatest pleasures for a listener to be able to hear music performed or composed by someone who really understands music, on a spiritual as well as an intellectual level. Glinka certainly seems to have had a deep understanding of a remarkable number of instruments. I'm really, really impressed how well the horns, strings, and woodwinds sound together. It's as if Glinka played each instrument himself, and understood all of their individual nuances. The musical progressions go by almost effortlessly...the whole opera flows on like a river. The music itself is lovely, gripping, intense, and infinitely sly. Now...have I any complaints? Well...nothing too serious, but I will say that portions of the opera are quite simplistic. It's certainly not as complex as a symphony of Bach's or Beethoven's. It is infinitely more personable and human, however. I feel quite comfortable giving it the same 8 I gave Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. Obviously, the two pieces earned their 8s for different reasons, but they're both excellent music. Perhaps someday I'll award both a 10 proudly, but for now, I'll just say that they're both better than Suicidal Tendencies. Then again, maybe I just need to lower my standards and change my rating criteria. Who knows?

8 stars(out of 10)

Glinka Links

The Russian Neo-Romantic Trumpet Concerto (By Joseph P. Gudorf)

Kind of Blue by Miles Davis(1959)

This is one of the few records that has gotten mass praise from crritics and fans and actually deserves it. I won't say anything like "this is the best album ever made" or "this is the best jazz album ever made." Maybe it is. I don't know. I've listened to a lot of albums, and I certainly have my favorites among them, but it's difficult for me to rate them numerically. All I can say is that this record is an amazing one, and there is no excuse for not owning it. Track listing:

1. So What

2. Freddie Freeloader

3. Blue In Green

4. All Blues

5. Flamenco Sketches

6. Flamenco Sketches(alt. take)

There isn't much I can say about this album that hasn't been said already, but I'll try just the same. This album, forgetting for a moment its musical value in itself, is a vitally important footnote in the history of modern jazz. Miles had this great idea. Simplify bop. Make every note off every instrument count, but keep it as exciting as the best hard bop. The results of that idea are truly amazing. It might not have worked, but Miles Davis had one of the best groups in jazz ever assembled working with him. Himself, one of the best trumpet players ever. Bill Evans, a pianist who can sound like both Chopin and W.C. Handey; his versatility and poetic sense helps give the album direction. On tenor saxophone, John Coltrane, one of the best jazz musicians that there ever was. He does some absolutely amazing things throughout...this might even be the best recording featuring his playing, and that's saying a lot. Paul Chambers on bass, James Cobb on drums, Cannonball Aldershot on alto saxophone. With such a grouping, you'd almost have to create good music. And they do. Boy, do they ever.

The opening to this album is one of the most famous in history. The piano sets things up, then that distinctive bass line crops up, there's a crash of drums, the horns taking over... Awesome. You know, I'm listening to this album while writing this review, and I've got to say again how blown away I am by Coltrane's playing. It's stunning. Coltrane can do that sometimes...he can make you forget that there is any such thing as jazz aside from him. Huge. On this album, he's not the searcher. He's the king.

Even non-jazz fans should own this one. It's one of the best albums ever made, truly. It belongs in your collection right there with Beethoven's 9th and the Stones Exile on Mainstreet. Even up there with the Beatles Sgt. Pepper(which sucks, more or less, anyway). If you aren't impressed with what you hear here, you've probably killed too many brain cells listening to metal or hardcore to be able to listen and enjoy something outside the circle of your musical experience.

10 stars(out of 10)

The Candy Man by Mississippi John Hurt(date unknown, published by Quicksilver Records)

When I think of Mississippi John Hurt, two particular images come to mind. One is of the old, wizened man, whose years of toil are shown in the wrinkles of his dark skinned face. He plays across the country to enthusiastic crowds of folk music fans. He is often ill with various ailments; perhaps occasionally during a concert he would pine for the Mississippi he knew and loved so well, longing to feel the Mississippi mud in his hands and to bask in the warm and loving Mississippi sunshine once more. He likely dispels these notions quickly, calling to account perhaps some instance of petty cruelty inflicted on him by his coarse fellow humans, and recalling his own uncertain financial status. He smiles at his audience, tells them a joke, and begins to play... My other image of Mississippi John Hurt is of the man young in body but old in soul who goes on up to Memphis town in 1928 to record some legendary sessions for Okeh Records. His guitar style is unique and complex, his voice pure and beautiful. He cannot know how the world will turn, whether he'll find success or failure as a musician and a man. Does this worry him? Probably not, as he is one of the rarest of human beings: in a world full of hypocrities and false prophets of various stripes, he is a man sincere and serious in his religious beliefs, and steadfast in his love for all living creatures.

Mississippi John Hurt's story is a grand and happy one, when one stops to consider it and put it into perspective. He was born in Avalon, Mississippi, minutes away from my birthplace and home of Greenwood. Rich he wasn't, but his family made do with what they had. His mother bought him a guitar for a dollar fifty when he was nine, but he had to teach himself to play. Somehow, this poor farm boy from Mississippi discovered a way to pick the guitar like no one else had ever played it before. It was a style unique even in the rich world of Delta blues: pretty, soulful, personal, and gentle. His songs had conviction and meaning, no doubt enforced by the conviction and meaning John Hurt put into living his own life. In the world of 1928, it seemed, John Hurt could make something of himself; maybe even be a rich and successful man. His Okeh sessions sold well...where could he go but up? The Great Depression answered him, and John Hurt made his way back to his friends and kin in Mississippi, content to live out his days with his music, his cows, and his God. He couldn't have expected to ever get a chance to make music for the world ever again. In 1963, however, the same Mississippi John Hurt who had been making music since 1901 was "rediscovered" after a long, heretofore fruitless search by folk music fans who had suspected Hurt to be dead. It was then that Hurt began to tour, finding a certain amount of fame in the world. One wonders what all this meant to a seventy year old man who had seen and lived through all he had. If there was ever a man equipped and ready to handle fame, it was Mississippi John Hurt. He didn't have many years to enjoy his stature amongst the folk music crowd, as death was soon to call him to his final resting place. True and honest to himself to the very end, Mississippi John Hurt died in Grenada, MS, close to his roots.

This record is basically a cash-in by a small record company. There's scant information available concerning the release, but my ears tell me it's a collection of live recordings from the 60s taken from various concerts. Mississippi John Hurt isn't at his youthful best, often coughing after a song and sounding occasionally weary. Yet I've grown to love this album. It's not as good as those wonderful and legendary which you may pick up on CD easily these days, of course, but it has its own undeniable charm, atmosphere, and grace. It's not perfect sonically or technically, but tell me: what is? Here's the track listing:

1. Rich Woman Blues

2. Trouble I Had All My Days

3. C-H-I-C-K-E-N Blues

4. Coffee Blues

5. Monday Mornin' Blues

6. Frankie and Albert

7. Talking Casey

8. Here Am I, Oh Lord Send Me

9. Hard Times in The Old Town Tonight

10. Spike Driver's Blues

At one point in my life, every day I set aside some time for a "Mississippi John Hurt woodcarving hour" that was exactly as it sounds. I'd take my knife, a good-looking piece of found wood, and a tape player, to some appropriately scenic spot where not a soul would ever find or bother me. I'd start carving, and just dig those tunes, so right for the setting. Mississippi John Hurt's music is best experienced alone, when the world is quiet and peaceful. This album was a favorite of mine then(I'm sorry I didn't keep the thing up). It's so difficult to explain what songs like "Rich Woman Blues" and "Trouble I Had All My Days" mean in the context of a review. Their musical qualities appeal to something more than one's intellectual senses. They touch the emotions, the very depths of one's soul. That's what I'm talkin' about when I say something is "meaningful." Didn't Prince Myshkin in The Idiot say that beauty was a riddle? He was scared to explain it with logic, for it is something beyond the powers of logic to break down. Beauty and meaning are non-biodegradable; even the best of our intellectual bacteria cannot convert them into something less than they are. So I'm scared to discuss a few songs on this album. Therefore, I won't.

"Coffee Blues" would be the song, in this version, that I would choose to put in a Maxwell House commercial were I ever asked to put a song in a Maxwell House commercial. John Hurt starts out the song explaining that a "spoonful of Maxwell House does ya as much good as two or three cupfuls of some other coffees", then kicks into the song. It has the kick, verve, and acoustic blues hookiness of typical Hurt; only the lyrics are a bit odd. "The loving spoonful"? What's this guy talking about? Who knows, but it's surely the most beautiful ode to le cafe ever composed.

Then there's the "Monday Morning Blues." Ever wake up some mornings with the Monday morning blues so bad that you are hardly even able to find your Monday morning shoes? Tis a deep song here that addresses the feelings of a man about to be sentenced by the court for a crime he surely did commit. He's been "lain" in jail for six long weeks; now he's accepted his fate, and has prepared himself to "get his pick and shovel...and go down into the mines."

"Frankie and Albert" and "Talking Casey" are my two least favorite songs here. They're certainly not bad, especially not lyrically. They just lack the driving hooks that make much of Mississippi John Hurt's music so powerful and compelling, making them less fulfilling upon each subsequent listen. "Here Am I, Oh Lord Send Me" is a fine rendition of the gospel song, and is perhaps John's best vocal performance of the album. It's a little musically spare, perhaps, but much gospel music is. "Hard Times In The Old Town Tonight" is a good version of the traditional tune, though not an especial favorite of mine. Critics oft compare MJH with some of the old time black minstrels of the 19th century; this song is probably the best example of that connection on this album.

"Spike Driver's Blues" ends the album in a great way. It's one of the best tracks here, musically and lyrically. One of the things I've begun to appreciate more during recent listenings to this album is the literary and poetic nature of some of John Hurt's lyrics. "Spike Driver's Blues" tells the story of a steel drivin' man named John Henry who died with his hammer still in his hand. It ends(as I understand it) with John Henry's wife making the following proclamation:

This is the hammer that killed John Henry,

But it won't kill me

No it won't kill me

Do those words inspire any feelings in you? Do you feel the dramatic impact of them? Perhaps you would have to hear the song...

Yes, I do like Mississippi John Hurt's music an awful lot. Perhaps I eulogized him too fondly in my opening two paragraphs, but I think he was a great man. But what seperates a great man, an average man, and a true and rotten scoundrel but a few tiny threads? That is why it does no good to brag about what kind of person you or anybody else is; you or whoever could just as easily be something completely different, and tomorrow maybe you will be. I give this live recording a seven out of ten though it is close to my heart. I'm a reviewer, after all, and I don't like to overrated even that which I love.

7 stars(out of 10)

London to Memphis by Mott the Hoople(1992)

Mott the Whoople?

Sorry. I always did want to do one of those snappy, clever Prindle-style headers that make such nice review openers...I guess now I have. I can die happy! Mott the Hoople are a band that occupy a rather strange place in music history. They had the misfortune of being relatively unknown in their early 70s heyday; in the 90s, they have the fortune of being revered as geniuses by many people though their material isn't consistent enough to earn this reverence. Personally, I like Mott the Hoople; they seem to be a very nice collective of fellows who made pleasant music. On the other hand, I only like perhaps half of the output of Mott the Hoople. The other half I could simply do without. The only fair thing to do in this situation is to review a compilation of the band that covers several albums. Unfortunately, the only Mott compilation I own is this awful cheap collection put out by Sony(List price is about $2...I didn't even pay a full dollar for my copy!). It's not that good(you get what you pay for). I could pick out better songs. However, it does cover the band's best known tunes, and that must count for something. Call it your typical "Greatest Hits" package. This review'll have to do till I find the inspiration needed to review Mott or Brain Capers or some other Mott studio album. Here's the track listing:

1. All The Way From Memphis

2. Sweet Jane

3. Honaloochie Boogie

4. Jerkin' Crocus

5. Ready For Love/After Lights

6. All The Young Dudes

7. Ballad of Mott the Hoople

8. The Golden Age of Rock 'N' Roll

9. Roll Away the Stone

10. One of the Boys

The leaders of Mott the Hoople were Ian Hunter(vocals, lyrics) and Mick Ralphs(guitar), though they both were in the band alone at various points in the band's history. Ian Hunter sounds exactly like he looks on the cover of this compilation: like a sweaty, slightly overweight English guy with goofy hair. Nonetheless, he seems to be a decent sort of fellow who certainly loves rock'n'roll. Mick Ralphs may be called a "limited" guitarist; in fact, he practically defines the term! He relies on guitar riffs either invented or inspired by the work of Pete Townshend(especially Tommy era stuff), and he can't really solo too well(though he tries) or do any nifty guitar tricks which require great craft. His riffing style was perfected during his time in Bad Company, but his work in Mott the Hoople is faintly more varied and experimentary. Other band members came and went; some even appear in one-off performances on single songs. As is the case with most bands who change band members quite often, Mott the Hoople had no definite style that they stuck to over the course of their entire careers. They've been known to appeal to punk rock, pop, glam, alternative, and jazz fans, and they are as much at home delivering proto-metal as they are at performing anthemic ballads. For me, they only occasionally touch greatness, but at least their mediocre songs are mediocre in different ways.

My favorite Mott the Hoople style is 50s rock'n'roll. It's a natural setting for a passionate lover of rock music like Ian Hunter, and his enthusiasm carries over to the rest of the band. Best of all, they showed a downright knack for performing rock music that didn't rely completely on guitars. Another 50s throwback: Jerry Lewis could bang on his piano and kids at the time thought it was revolutionary, and it wasn't unusual to hear saxophones and other horns rockin' and a rollin' all week long in rock bands(Take a listen to Bill Haley and his Comets one of these days...you'll enjoy the experience.) I wish Mott could have recorded more of these type of songs during their career...I think it's what they do best! Might not have impressed the later punk and alternative audiences who revived the band's catalogue sales years later, however, in which case Mott may well have become a forgotten band in America(much like Redbone today).

This compilation starts out very nicely with the track which started Mott in such a fine way: "All The Way From Memphis." It's a wonderful and ridiculous song about Ian Hunter's loss of a guitar in Memphis, Tennessee. Musically, it's completely irresistible: the piano intro is incredibly catchy, the chorus is great though Ian's a goofy and awkward singer, and, best of all, it has some hilarious saxophone work that never ceases to amaze me. The creative use of blown overtones creates a very unusual effect...in fact, the whole song rocks with reckless abandon! It's sure to bring a smile to anyone's face who is a little tired of the post-Beatellian definition of pop music(clean, smooth, and "flawless"): this is pop music with some very definite flaws, but it's a-okay just the same. Unfortunately, the cover of "Sweet Jane" tends to destroy the mood the opener creates. It's dull and repetitious like a lot of songs written by Lou Reed, and not even Ralph's pretty guitar work can save it. Throw it in the trashbin along with the original. "Honaloochie Boogie" has the piano and saxophone back(plus it's also another Hunter ode to the spirit of rock'n'roll taken from Mott), but it's unfortunately not anywhere near as inspired as "All The Way From Memphis." I like the instrumental guitar/bass/keyboard work on "Jerkin' Crocus", but the chorus sucks and the song drags on a little long. "Ready for Love" would become famous later when covered by Ralphs with his Bad Company band mates; as you might expect, Mott the Hoople's version is a little more sensitive and thoughtful(but Bad Company's rocks a little harder.). It's a toss-up to me as to which is better, probably because I'm not that enamoured with the song to begin with. After all, I like that riff as much as the next guy driving the trashy pale blue pickup truck, but it doesn't sound anywhere near as good after it's been repeated twenty times. "All the Young Dudes" is probably the most famous song of Mott the Hoople's entire canon; it was famously donated to the band by David Bowie. I've heard Bowie perform the song in concert and I liked his version much better. This one has too much of that "Hello, this here song is an anthem...isn't it terribly moving?" feel to it. Verden Allen's organ playing is good and Ralphs guitar line is appropriately operatic, but that chorus...yuck. That's one thing I don't like about a lot of Hoople songs: many have several Ian Hunters dubbed in singing the choruses in annoying "little boy" voices. The only proper depressed ballad featured on this compilation is the "Ballad of Mott the Hoople." It is good(didn't expect me to say that, did you?) and even sincere enough to be moving. "Rock and roll is a loser's game..." but it's also a game that Ian Hunter can't help keep playing if he is to be true to himself. After that moving musical experience, what do we get? Another cool 50s rock and roll song with saxophones...what else??!? And I like it! It may be from the flop post-Ralphs LP Hoople, but don't think Ian Hunter ever lost his ability to write overdramatic, hyped up praises to rock'n'roll music. One of these days, I'll check out the man's solo records; I'm a glutton for punishment. "Roll Away the Stone" is a nice lightweight pop song from Hoople, but it would sound a lot better with Ralphs playing guitar. He may have been limited, but this new guitarist Ariel Bender is even more so. The album ends(I don't know why) with yet another song from All The Young Dudes(four of that record's nine tracks are on this collection) called "One of the Boys." Ralphs' power riffing makes me nostalgic for Bad Company, which isn't such a good thing really. Ian Hunter ain't no Paul Rodgers, and he sounds strange trying to sing such a stupid song as this one is.

The question I must pose to myself now is this: should you buy this album? It is terribly cheap, plus it covers what most folks consider to be Hoople's golden era, with no selections recorded prior to 1972's All The Young Dudes. I would say it's rather decent for a complete Hoople novice. It's rather rare, after all, for someone to like a band without first liking their most popular standards. If you just want to know what the "hoop" is about and have a buck or two to spare, then this is your buy.

6 stars(out of 10)

Rolling Stone by Muddy Waters(1983)

Muddy Waters is one of my all-time favorite musicians, and I'd say certainly my favorite bluesman(though B.B. King and Mississippi John Hurt come close). This compilation is pretty great. Get it if you can.

Track listing:

1. Walking Thru The Park

2. Baby Please Don't Go

3. She Moves Me

4. I Just Want to Make Love To You

5. Tiger In Your Tank

6. I Want You To Love Me

7. I've Got My Mojo Working

8. Rollin' Stone

9. Gone To Main Street

10. My Eyes (Keep Me in Trouble)

11. Long Distance Call

12. 40 Days and 40 Nights

13. Standing Around Crying

14. Still A Fool

This album just kicks! Think of the classics that are all BETTER than that overplayed blues classic about Muddy gettin' his, er, mojo workin'. "Walking Thru the Park". "I Just Want to Make Love to You." "Rollin' Stone." They're all practically classics. Two of the songs sound similar which shouldn't sound similar(I'll let you figure out which ones), so that keeps this from getting a 10. But man, buy this today. This is great music.

I guess some folks would prefer Muddy's self titled album, or They Call Me Muddy Waters or maybe his comeback albums in the 70s, but this introduced me to Muddy, so I have a special place in my heart just for it. If you buy it, I surely don't think you'll be disappoined with it. This is also the album that inspired me to take up the harmonica. Some of the harmonica breaks(and solos) are phenomenal thanks to great blues harpists like James Cotton. I'll take a closer look at Muddy Waters and his music when I review his actual albums, but I really don't think you can go wrong if you decide to buy this one. You should be able to find it real cheap, and most of the stuff here is killer. A good place to start your blues record collection.

9 stars (out of 10)

They Call Me Muddy Waters by Muddy Waters(1971)

I don't have particularly good memories concerning this particular record. You see, it was the first Muddy Waters' album I bought that DIDN'T particularly impress me. Perhaps my initial negative judgement was a bit too harsh, but I still find this album to be of rather questionable quality compared to a lot of Muddy's older, classic Chess LPs. Don't be fooled by the 1971 date, cuz these are all tunes recorded originally by Muddy and his band sometime between 1951-1967. Songs that had been sitting around for several years(a couple for twenty!) unreleased, and why? Probably because they were alternate versions(usually with different lyrics but the same music) of other Muddy songs which had become classics as well as a lot of originals which sounded curiously uninspired. But by 1971, the blues revival was still in full bloom - the Yardbirds and Cream might have been history, but the Stones were still gritty, Zeppelin were on top of the world, and bands like Ten Years After and the Allman Brothers Band were less famous but still quite popular. A few of the rock fans who listened to these bands and others like them would inevitably go back and begin listening to the blues masters who had influenced their heroes. Eventually, a guy like Muddy Waters became a decent concert draw in his own right because there were so many new blues fans(or people who claimed to be blues fans for the time being...). It was about this time that record companies must have discovered that there were enough people out and about who would buy just about anything they put out as long as it had B.B. King's or Muddy Waters' or John Lee Hooker's name on it. This practice has reached its insufferable conclusion over the past decade...how many records are out on the market supposedly by John Lee Hooker and B.B. King that barely feature them playing? Can't stand these "with friends" albums - garbage!

Still, don't get the impression that this record is one I'd ever throw away, or even sell if somebody offered to buy it. There are a few very good songs on it that I wouldn't want to discard for the world. Plus, if nothing else Muddy Waters was still Muddy Waters, and his band was still one of the best in the world. Even when they were playing throwaways and retreads, they sounded damn good! Here's the track listing:

1. When The Eagle Flies

2. Crawlin' Kingsnake

3. County Jail

4. It's All Over

5. Bird Nest On The Ground

6. They Call Me Muddy Waters

7. Find Yourself Another Fool

8. Kinfolk's Blues

9. Making Friends

10. Blind Man

11. Two Steps Forward

12. Howlin' Wolf

Here's something interesting! This is one of the few albums I own which comes with liner notes that disagree with each other. First, there's the lengthy and all-too-praiseworthy remarks from the original 1971 edition of this record written by Pete Welding. Pete has nothing but praise for these tunes - quite frankly, it sounds as if he's talking about completely different songs that weren't even on this record! He speaks at length of the dates of recording of each of the songs, and of the musicians present at each recording date. However, the reissued version of this album has track information gleaned from Michel Ruppli's book The Chess Labels -- A discography, Vols. One and Two. Either Ruppli or Welding are awful wrong - Pete has Junior Wells down as harmonica player for three of the songs, while Ruppli doesn't mention him at all, Pete has five of the songs recorded in the 50s while Ruppli says all but two were recorded in the 60s. Considering Pete seems to be so fond of this album, I suspect he's probably wrong and Ruppli right. Quite strangely, really, I'm not impressed too much by the harmonica and the guitar playing on this record...those two instruments are Muddy's bread-and-butter, and he always had great players, but there's just nothing very original or exciting going on here. With a few exceptions, it's ALL by the book. Nah, the musicians who impress me the most here are Muddy's piano players, especially Pinetop Perkins, but Otis Spann is awful good, too. They have that classic bar-room blues sound down to a T, and for some reason they really got a chance to shine here on these obscure tracks.

I hate to start contradicting myself only into the fourth paragraph of this review, but I've gotta say that "When The Eagle Flies" has great guitar playing! Either Pee Wee Madison or Sammy Lawhorn is going crazy playing those delightful country licks. It's really great to hear considering so much of the guitar playing on this record is if not generic at least uninspired. The vocals are very strong, too, but then I can't recall too many songs that Muddy Waters sounds bad singing. He's one of my favorite singers of all time. That rough, tough vocal delivery may sound untrained and primitive at first, but the more you listen the more you realize that Muddy wasn't just a good groaner, he really had remarkable control over his voice! He never misses notes even on these out-takes. Always sounds as good as can be. One of the greats! Heck, he even makes "Crawlin' Kingsnake" sound pretty good though James Cotton, an ordinarily GREAT harmonica player, is delivering one of the worst performances of his career. No wonder they didn't release this commercially in 1959 when it was recorded. But I do like "County Jail" a lot - Paul Oscher is playing some real spooky harmonica in that thar bass clef that you and I love so much(and it sounds great!), and Pinetop Perkins is bringing it all back home on the piano. "It's All Over", "They Call Me Muddy Waters", and "Howlin' Wolf" are all versions of other Muddy songs with different lyrics. Good songs, yes, but I don't really need to hear them on every single Muddy Waters album I buy. If anything, listen to them to hear what a good guitar Muddy was before he hired a top quality band, but the thing is, the folks he hired to play guitar in his band almost always sounded exactly like HIM, to the point that it is quite difficult to differentiate between Muddy's guitar players and Muddy himself. "It's All Over" is worth listening to, however, for Calvin Jones' ominous bass playing and Oscher's nice mid-section solo. I guess "Bird Nest On The Ground" is something of a nod to the soul and R & B music the young black audiences which had once constituted Muddy's largest fan base now listened to and loved. It's not too good, though - downright boring, in fact. Side 2 begins with the so-so "Find Yourself Another Fool." It at least sounds like the band is trying on this town. The guitar and harp playing is right in your face and Muddy's shovin' them tough lyrics down your throat whether you like 'em or not. Energetic, but not that interesting. "Kinfolk's Blues" is something of a comeback - Muddy is singing some of the darkest lyrics of his career which could be interpreted in more than one way(is it really about incest??), and the guitar and harmonica playing is really quite good. Nice electric solo especially! "Making Friends" is made a good song primarily due to Otis Spann's great electric piano playing. That solo is good stuff! But James Cotton ridiculous wah-wah harp playing makes me think that he got a lot better later on in his career. But if you wants me to get excited, you turn your original Chess LP over to "Blind Man." EASILY the best, most polished song on this record. Paul Oscher's harmonica playing combined with Pinetop Perkins upbeat piano bopping is irresistibly infectious. Great vocals, too! This is one of the few songs here which bears witness to the greatness of Muddy Waters and his band. Finally, "Two Steps Forward" is enjoyable despite its minimalism(it's basically just Muddy singing over harsh harmonica and organ fills). Great lyrics!

I don't think I'd advise anyone but the most dedicated of Muddy Waters fans to pick up this release. It doesn't show the man or his band at their best. Like Creedence Clearwater Revival's live releases, this album shows legends at their most unimpressive as if to remind us that even the greatest of artists are still merely mortals. In short, it's basically a pathetic cash-in which has the negative result of keeping the people away from the really good stuff. Only buy it if you need to hear "Blind Man" really badly.

5 stars(out of 10)

Inside the Torn Apart by Napalm Death(1997)

I recently read an article which referred to Napalm Death(I'm paraphrasing, you understand...) as amazingly consistent against all odds purveyors of grindcore. The question is, of course, what the hell is grindcore? Don't answer me. I know that every metal listener has their own definition of what qualities are inherent in a certain branch of heavy metal. Napalm Death is a band that's been around for a good 16 years or so, making recorded music for just over a decade. They've suffered numerous musician changes over the years, and their sound(though usually labeled 'grindcore' or death metal) has not remained entirely consistent. Early on, they were a more hardcore-influenced, speedy type band(who became known for their three second songs. Rumor has it, some of those songs would stretch to EIGHT seconds when performed in concert. Holy crap, these guys are as bad as Cream!). Later, I think they adopted a more traditional death metal sound, with much less influence placed on speed. Take this album, for instance: 12 songs in 40 minutes? However, even if the songs are longer, they're still pretty speedy. 'Fore I write meself into a circle, here's the track listing:

1. Breed to Breathe

2. Birth in Regress

3. Section

4. Reflect on Conflict

5. Down in the Zero

6. Inside the Torn Apart

7. If Symptoms Persist

8. Prelude

9. Indispose

10. Purist Realist

11. Lowpoint

12. The Lifeless Alarm

The first thing you'll probably notice is Barney Greenway's vocals. He's got that low groan thing going on that is so popular amongst death metallers. For those of you who don't listen to a lot of death metal, I'll try to use an analogy. You know that lead singer from Killdozer? The guy with the low, silly growl that's so hilarious? Imagine that growl lower with no humor potential. Greenway sounds an awful lot like some stupid wrassler from the NWO or WWF or AT&T spewing out macho innuendo. Not that Greenway spews out macho innuendo. He doesn't. He just sounds like he does.

As for this album, I'll tell ya this: the first time I listened to it I quickly got a headache. To this day, I don't understand why. I must've been ill that day. Sure, this album is on ND's own Earache label, but it's not the heaviest album in the world. It's very 90s, glossy production and all. Instead of the guitars really "grinding", "sludging, "slashing", or "mooing" they shimmer! Shim, shimmy, shimmier, shimmiest! The drummer sounds as if he's trying to imitate techno/dance beats. He does it quite well, in fact. Some folks even claim that the music of Napalm Death is quite dancable. I wouldn't know since I ain't a dancer(okay, unless we're talking Django Reinhardt.) Speaking of the guitars, I'm not overly impressed with 'em. These riffs and lines could've been conceived by a couple dozen other metal bands. They're still good, however, just not innovative or original. I realize my lead vocalist paragraph has already been written, but I forgot to tell you this: Barney Greenway only knows one melody. He'll put it in a couple songs, and for the rest of 'em he won't sing melodies. At least he recognizes that he's limited.

I can't truly recommend this album, but it is certainly solid. I consider it perfectly average. No truly great songs which grab me(though the opener "Breed to Breathe" is pretty darn impressive). If you're just in the market for a Napalm Breath album to find out what all the hype's about, this isn't the one. Try out Scum or Death by Manipulation for a sampler of the early years; Fear Emptiness Despair is the most recommended recent ND album by critics and fans alike.

5 stars(out of 10)

The Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd(1973)

Oh boy. This is one of those albums. Yeah, you know the kind: you can talk about 'em all you want, borrowing phrases here and there that you've heard used by clever rock'n'roll critics, and end up not saying a damn thing. I suppose it's like that with all albums widely praised as being the "greatest" of something or other. So many people have said so many things about The Dark Side of the Moon that the album's meaning has become even more obscured than it was originally. As a reasonably unbiased reviewer, it's my duty to search for the core of this(and any other) album - not to repeat cliches or buckle under the pressure of an album's widespread popularity. No matter what anyone says, DSOTM is just another album. An album is an album! A man is a man! A peasant can be as good, if not greater, than a Napoleon. So let's not pretend that any one album is some sort of bringer of world peace or anything like that. Now - maybe some of you have never even heard of "The Dark Side of the Moon" or even "Pink Floyd", so I'll try my best to give you a fair run-down.

When I hear the term "progressive rock" I no longer think of Pink Floyd so much. Progressive rock refers to the like of Yes and Emerson, Lake, and Palmer, both bands who wanted to add complexity to what was originally a rather simple musical form. Both those band's aims were almost solely musical. Sure, Jon Anderson waxed philosophical from time to time, but it's not like anyone cared. When we talk about Pink Floyd, though, the band's purely technical musical aims rank subordinate to their overall sonic aims. You'll find loads of studio effects, inserted noises, edited guitars, "textured" atmosphere and more on most Floyd records. The Dark Side of the Moon was Floyd's search for sonic nirvana taken to its extreme. There's very little "solid" music here. Guitars fade in and out. The gentle wailing of a saxophone could in a moment segue into the sounds of a heartbeat. Musically, it doesn't satisfy me at all. As a listening experience, though, it's pretty cool. It flows easily and loses none of its intensity from start to finish. Speaking as someone who has been familiar with this album pretty much ever since I started to listen to music seriously, I can tell you that this is not a record I pull out very often. I've had the experience of listening to it. I understand it, I know it, I feel it. What is there left for me to do with The Dark Side of the Moon? I think I'm pretty worn out with it. There's nothing new I can glean from it. But that doesn't mean I can't write a decent review of it!

Track listing:

1. Speak To Me

2. Breathe

3. On The Run

4. Time

5. The Great Gig In the Sky

6. Money

7. Us and Them

8. Any Colour You Like

9. Brain Damage

10. Eclipse

Who is/are Pink Floyd? Well, they are a rock group - if you haven't guessed yet. Originally named after two early bluesmen(I haven't heard Floyd, but Pink Anderson is excellent, though he ain't no Blind Willie McTell) and led by Syd Barrett, they started out as a noise/psychedelic group, then became progressive, dumped Syd Barrett, and discovered the beauties of experimental music and of course acid jams for several years, and then finally they became the lead guitarist's backing band, at which point most of their old fans abandoned ship, content to listen to the old, "classic" albums. The DSOTM era Pink Floyd features the following musicians: Roger Waters, bassist, songwriter, and vocalist, David Gilmour, lead guitarist and occasional vocals, Rick Wright, keyboards and occasional vocals, and Nick Mason, drummer! Sound engineer Alan Parsons was integral to the band's sound and is responsible for many of the cool sound effects you'll hear on this album. The production was handled primarily by Waters and Gilmour.

All of these guys were good musicians with distinctive sounds. Though effects processing was vital to his clear, articulated, melodic guitar tone, David Gilmour was(but might not be anymore) assuredly an intelligent musician. His playing might be affected by electronics, but he did beautiful things with the technology! I can't slight him for that. Rick Wright is a lovely keyboardist, whether he's playing electronic keyboards, piano, organ, or harpsichord. He plays clean and clear, too - classically influenced undoubtedly. Roger Waters is a nice songwriter and not a bad singer, but as a bassist he doesn't quite set the world afire. Still decent enough - even most great bands lack genius bassists. Nick Mason is a neat lil drummer, too, when the rest of the band lets him be. You can't hear him on half the songs on this record, for instance!(Of course, you can't even hear David Gilmour on half of this record!)

My usual paragraph on songs doesn't really belong in a discussion of this album. How does one label these songs? Most of the tracks are free-range musical experimentation, with names simply tacked on them as an afterthought. Is "On The Run" really about being "on the run"? And what's the great gig in the sky, anyway? Well, "Money" is perhaps the only true radio friendly song of the bunch. For that reason and that reason alone it's been massively overplayed on classic rock radio. To such an extent that I'm now more than a little sick of it. Nice tune about that hateful paper and metal stuff, though. "Breathe", "Us And Them", and "Any Colour You Like" mine the old slow, drugged out musical territories all those narcotic addicted PF fans love so much. I don't mind them too much...they're kind of pleasant...oh, I think I'll just go take a nice little nap...la la la...snore...nice saxophone...snore...

Oh, hello! How are you? How's the wife and kids? Killed by an off-target NATO missile? I'm sorry to hear that!

To be honest with you, "Any Colour You Like" does annoy me. Lots of people love it in its drug jammy splendor, but man, it makes me want to listen to a good Southern rock jam meself. At least those would have some dern energy! At least the record ends well, with "Brain Damage." Pretty guitar work by Gilmour, a memorable melody, and lyrics worth listening to! Plus, whatever Rick Wright is playing in the mid-section sounds like something you'd hear in church played on the old organ! That Rick Wright - he's something else on a stick. The worst thing I can say about this record is that its concept worked all too well. The production and special effects overpower and obscure the musicianship. I'm left grasping at straws - I want to praise a pretty David Gilmour guitar line or a neat keyboard flourish by Rick Wright, but nothing stays around long enough for me to do so. No, we really need to hear an airplane crashing or a clock clicking instead, don't we? That's far more important than something silly like "music." Hmmph. I'm lowering my grade of this album from an 8 to a 5. I just realized that even as a sonic experience this album is overrated. I'm sorry, but time has really killed my enjoyment of this record. I'm not even so sure it's essential anymore.

5 stars (out of 10)

Reader Thoughts

gpm@sys.uea.ac.uk(Geoff McKeown)

I find that your review is perhaps a bit harsh on the 'DARK SIDE OF THE MOON', which I personally quite like; it has theme, it moves along at a pace that is sedate but never dull, and the effects serve to complement the songs (they are there, you know). I agree with you though, any colour you like is quite slopy and with no tune; the absence of Waters' songwriting on the track is obvious.

Synchronicity by the Police(1983)

Did I ever tell you what a great rock and roll song "Bad to the Bone" by George Thorogood is? That crushing guitar...the sax...the stuttering...wow! But see, this is a Police review. So let's get on with it!

1. Synchronicity I

2. Walking In Your Footsteps

3. O My God

4. Mother

5. Miss Grodenko

6. Synchronicity II

7. Every Breath You Take

8. King of Pain

9. Wrapped Around Your Finger

10. Tea in the Sahara

11. Murder by Numbers

This was a darn little popular album when it came out in 1983. Every album that has the smash hits "Every Breath You Take", "King of Pain", and "Wrapped Around Your Finger" should be pretty popular. Unfortunately, aside from the overplayed hits, there doesn't seem to be too much good music around. I'm rather fond of "O My God", and the universally despised(except by me) Stewart Copeland penned "Miss Gradenko." The rest of the songs are pretty mediocre, with the exception of the Andy Summers tune "Mother." WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CRAP? It's the most moronic thing I've ever heard! "Every girl I go out with becomes my mother in the end." That's interesting, Andy. The song is still garbage, and lowers the grade on its own by at least a POINT! Is this album good for its time? Well, maybe. The 80s were a pretty bad decade for music. That's not to say there weren't good rock and rollers, though! There were a few, they were just overshadowed by the pop garbage of the time. Summation: This album sounds pretty dated to me. You can get the hits on a good compilation I'm sure.

New Thoughts: November, 1998:

I'm not changing my grade, but I just noted I sure wasn't very descriptive in my review here of the Police. They were a hip English-American(or is Copeland Canadian? Eh? Hoo, Canadian humor! I just checked: he's American.) pretentious art-rocky alternative classic rock band. And they were a band in a real sense: unlike many progressive rock bands, they didn't have any absolutely brilliant musicians(okay, Stewart Copeland may qualify...we'll talk bout him in a bit). Andy Summers contributed liquidy, solid guitar lines that certainly weren't genius, but they fit the Police's sound. Sting was the bass guitarist and lead singer(and main songwriter); nothing more, nothing less. And Stewart Copeland was a great percussionist. He can pound, he can hit, he can tap. I suspect he might have been a jazzically-trained drummer at some time in his life. On this record, aside from the pop hits I mentioned in my first paragraph, Copey really does shine through the dullness present throughout this piece of plastic. Listen to the African-style drumming(I'm not a percussionist myself, and am not sure what instrument he's using...could it be a conga? He's a darned good conga player if so) on "Walking in Your Footsteps" that completely gives that song its atmosphere(aside from those stupid jungle noises). There-I've given the Police their due. Does anything more need to be said? Shore. Add your own thoughts.

7 stars(out of 10)

Violin Concert in D by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

What? Oh, I know. You're wondering what a rock n roll guy like me is doing reviewing a classical piece. What could I possibly know about this form of music? Well, you're asking tough questions! Admittedly, I know next to nothing about classical music(or music, in period actually...music theory never captured my interest) aside from what my ears tell me.

I don't exactly know the history of this tape that contains the wonderful Violin Concerto in D. Where did it come from? No clue. It must be dubbed. But, I don't worry about that too much. However, be open to the fact that I may have my facts completely screwed up.

Nevermind. At any rate, I can't say I'm a particular fan of classical music. I've always considered much of it to be, like the Who and Led Zeppelin, overblown and in parts dull. That's of course an unfair generalization, and an untrue one. As time goes by, I enjoy classical muzak more and more(though we should always remember that "classical" music is not limited to well known dead German fellows...there's a lot of great music that's obscured by the giants) At any rate, this piece, really hits me! So much so that I'm sure I'll purchase it for myself on some hip new musical format one day just to get the full feeling of it! Why do I love it so? Oh, those violins. So ragged. Unlike any other violin music I've ever heard. Like most classical music, it reflects several different moods: slow parts with delicate fade-outs, thunderous interludes which grab your attention, and mid-tempo build-ups that prepare you for a slow part or another thunderous interlude. But you don't get bored. Those screeching violins come back before you can! The first two movements are probably the best...just somehow more soulful and heart rending. The third movement alternates between slow build ups and happy dancey music.

Should rock music fans who scoff at classical music give this a chance? Absolutely! I'm a die hard classic rocker and I love it. In my opinion, it is without a doubt Tchaikovsky's best work(of what I have heard, at any rate). And the best music that ever came out of a violin, with all respect to Vivaldi. And Charlie Daniels. It's amazing that people weren't blown away at this when it was first performed. Amazing like how so many folks were digging disco in the '70s instead of rock and roll. Amazing like how no one even likes rock and roll anymore. Oh well. Get this. It's one of the best "albums" ever made...seriously. Forget whether or not you like classical music or not. If you like music at all, whether it be Beck or Bachman Turner Overdrive, you should like this. It's great music, with some fantastic, classic music for the violin. Listen to this and Django Reinhardt and the violin will become one of your favorite instruments, forcing you to forget all the crappy "atmospheric" roles it has played over history.

10 stars (out of 10)

All The Stuff and More, Volume One by the Ramones(1992)

The Ramones are perhaps not the best known punk rock band of all time - the Sex Pistols and Clash, though inferior, sold more records and are still better known today. However, they at the very least would make a top ten list of most famous punks. At least, if you don't count those modern pop bands like Green Day - but why would you? You have better taste than that! Given their popularity, this band of New Yorkers have been scrutinized very closely. Their records have been reviewed by hundreds of critics, most underground. As a result of this, the Ramones became the victims of overzealous and pretentious reviewers, though I think the situation has been improved with the popularization of the Internet thanks to the efforts of non-pretentious zealots like Mark Prindle and Brian Burks. You may think of the Ramones as women-hating, nihilistic, prog rock despisin' punkers, but, tell me, is that image truly portrayed by the music of the Ramones? Hardly, if you axe me. What I hear is a band that combined their own distinctive sound with mid 50s/early 60s rock'n'roll sensibilities. For me, the Ramones are TOTALLY about music, and NOTHING else. Screw image! They didn't even really have an image!

I do feel a teensy bit apologetic about rating the Ramones so high. I love the bastards - that's my opinion and I'm not ashamed of it. But that love is not truly justified by the technical virtuosity of Johnny, Joey, Dee Dee, and Tommy. Nor is it earned even because I like most of the Ramones songs. The truth of the matter is that only a couple handfuls of Ramones' tunes really rock me to my core. Why do I like them so much, then? It's the sound! Johnny Ramone took his ultra-simplistic style of guitar playing that was reliant upon slashing barre chords really quickly and used it to makee one of the most exciting forms of rock'n'roll this planet has ever heard. I'm not going to sit here and pretend like Johnny invented barre chords(for the non-guitarists, barre chords are formed by holding down all the strings on a single fret). He certainly didn't. Perhaps he didn't even really invent that style. I know that shortly after I started playing the guitar I began to follow much the same patterns in my playing, and this was before I had really even heard the Ramones. Barre chords sounded great, and they were easy to make! The possibilites were endless if you kept fooling around with the bass/treble switches on your pre-amp with distortion cranked on. What Johnny Ramone did was perfect that style(which would have been mostly utilized by garage bands from the 60s on, bands which labored in obscurity, far from any sort of fame and acclaim). There are punk guitar players who play faster or louder than Johnny Ramone ever dreamed of playing, but they certainly aren't better. What Johnny had that they mostly lack is that subtle musical gift of understanding. He understood how to turn distorted noise into songs - great, musical songs, even! In other words, he had a good ear(possibly even two or three of 'em). Doubtless it took him many years to achieve this excellence - I don't think any type of musical ability is with a person from birth. Child prodigies simply happen to develop their abilities before most others do(it's more about chance than raw talent, imho.) Sorry for going into all this. I just think it's a pity that most musical snobs(as well as most Ramones FANS, for that matter) insist on overlooking any particular talents Johnny Ramone may have possessed as a guitarist. He may not have known arpeggios from archipelagos, man, but he felt the music! He felt the music! And I feel it too, gosh darn it! What about you?

Here's the track listing for this CD, a conglomeration of the Ramoners first two LPs plus some bonus tracks:

1. Blitzkrieg Bop

2. Beat On The Brat

3. Judy Is A Punk

4. I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend

5. Chain Saw

6. Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue

7. I Don't Wanna Go Down To The Basement

8. Loudmouth

9. Havana Affair

10. Listen To My Heart

11. 53d & 3rd

12. Let's Dance

13. I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You

14. Today Your Love, Tomorrow The World

15. I Don't Wanna Be Learned/I Don't Wanna Be Tamed

16. I Can't Be

17. Glad To See You Go

18. Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment

19. I Remember You

20. Oh Oh I Love Her So

21. Sheena Is A Punk Rocker

22. Suzy Is A Headbanger

23. Pinhead

24. Now I Wanna Be A Good Boy

25. Swallow My Pride

26. What's Your Game

27. California Sun

28. Commando

29. You're Gonna Kill That Girl

30. You Should Never Have Opened That Door

31. Babysitter

32. California Sun(live)

33. I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You(live)

Woosh...I'm tired. It's easy to see why the Ramones' debut seemed so revolutionary back in '76. You had your Joey Ramone singing either rough, pissed-off New Jerk City melodies, OR really normal 60sish pop choruses with his classically untrained, flat voice. You had Johnny and Dee Ramone playing electric guitar and bass, respectively, as fast and as aggressively as they could. You had Tommy Ramone doing his thing, whatever that thing was, at least it sounded pretty great. You had these four record a bunch of 2-3 minute songs that choogled at hyperspeed and were as catchy as a zipper, and, most importantly, rocked really, really hard. You also had a mule named Al and a ticket to San Diego, but that's another story altogether. For me, the first album is the major classic; the second sounds a bit more generic to me, though many people disagree. Compiled together by Sire Records into this collection, however, they sound really wonderful(though I would recommend that you not listen to this all in one sitting. You might hurt an eardrum, or else start thinking every song really does sound the same, missing those wonderful little individual ideosyncrasies which make so many Ramones tunes worth listening to. Or something?).

Incidentally, though I credit Johnny Ramone as being the integral creator of the Ramones sound, most of the songs were actually written by bassist/ occasional singer Dee Dee Ramone, though all the other Ramones tried their hands at songwriting every now and then. But I don't listen to the Ramones for the songwriting: most of the songs are just obvious or obfuscated attempts at humor, even the tunes about beating on the brat and loudmouth girlfriends. I also don't listen to the Ramones for the melodies. Some are great, but many are sloppy and downright ugly(listen to "Chain Saw" and "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue", otherwise good songs.) I'm happy with Johnny Ramone's chainsaw, meself.

Favorite songs: "Blitzkrieg Bop", "Beat On The Brat", "Chain Saw", "I Don't Wanna Go Down To The Basement", "Loudmouth", "Listen To My Heart", "Suzy Is A Headbanger", and "Commando" - quite possibly more, as well. The thing is, though, that most of the songs that I did not mention don't really affect me in any way. They're just there. Loud, fast, noisy. Not bad - not good. Not annoying, because they're not long enough to be annoying. But there's no way in heck I could write sentences about such tracks as "Havana Affair" and "Pinhead." I can't even understand why "53d & 3rd" and "Now I Wanna Be A Good Boy" are so revered amongst Ramones fans. What does all this mean? Well, for me, it means that the Ramones greatest strength as a rock'n'roll band was their consistency. They certainly weren't the sort of band that would record a bunch of tracks that totally sucked. Rather, they mixed their incredible tracks with more generic, less meaningful, and essentially non-descript songs. Filler, you might call it. Some might find this filler to be unbearable and decide to close their ears even to the good songs(just as some people do with John Lee Hooker). I, however, take it all in stride. I love the great tracks because they're brilliant and wonderful; the rest of the tracks are just mediocre, but they don't bother me as I know something better is bound to start up very soon. We are, after all, talking about an album full of 2-3 minute songs.

If I had to pick a favorite favorite song from the first two Ramones albums, it would probably be "Blitzkrieg Bop." It's that sort of song that ought to blow you away the first time you hear it. It's just pure rock'n'roll with a catchy chorus and funny lyrics, but performed in an unconventional, free manner. It's music that is still refreshing today, as the popular "rock" bands of the late 90s are actually slodgier and worse than the commercial bands of the 70s. Gosh, did you notice I just started three sentences in a row with the contraction "It's"? I'm doing that a lot today. I believe I may need to start writing reviews in a more free, unconventional manner. Or possibly just the opposite.

But hey! It's not as if all the other songs are "Blitzkrieg Bop" knockoffs. "I Don't Wanna Go Down To The Basement" features some original riffing from Johnny. Very cool and laidback song. "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend" and "Babysitter" are pop ballads straight out of the 60s. I don't really like 'em cuz they're too sappy and dull, but you just might! "Loudmouth" IS a "Blitzkrieg Bop" knockoff, but it's an awful neat "Blitzkrieg Bop" knockoff. The riff is slowed down and intensified to fit the tune...spooky! At the end of the day, nobody ripped off the Ramones like the Ramones. And I could go on all day...

All The Stuff And More, Volume One earns a '10' rating from me because I judge records primarily based on consistency. No truly bad songs can be found here and lots of great ones can, so it's a 10. You gots a problem with that? If so, I'd suggest you give another listen or two to the albums...

10 stars(out of 10)

Document by R.E.M. (1987)

R.E.M. sure can be an awful boring band. This is supposed to rock, as in rock and roll, ain't it? R.E.M. do have their rock out moments, too, but sometimes they're slower than your great grandma! Michael Stipe has a pretty distinctive(and irritating!) voice too! Track listing:

1. Finest Worksong

2. Welcome to the Occupation

3. Exhuming McCarthy

4. Disturbance at the Heron House

5. Strange

6. It's the End of the World As We Know It(And I Feel Fine)

7. The One I Love

8. Fireplace

9. Lightnin' Hopkins

10. King Of Birds

11. Oddfellows Local 151

You may have gotten the impression by reading my opening that I am anti-R.E.M. This is not really so. There was a time when I detested all of R.E.M.'s work, especially their radio standards. However, now I'm more open-minded, and even though R.E.M. is never going to knock me out, I ackowledge they're a pretty good band. Very tight musically! Peter Buck on guitar, Mike Mills on bass(and sometimes keyboards), plus Bill Berry on drums(who has since left the band). On this particular record, I'm fond of the rockers. The rollin' Wire cover "Strange"! "It's the End"! "The One I Love!" Hell yeah! The rest of it is ok. After listening to it for a few times, some of these songs can grow on you like a fungus. My original plan was to diss all the boring songs that do nothing on this album, but now I can't do it! I really hate "Exhuming McCarthy"; nothing wrong with the lyrics, but the song just sucks. I don't think it'll ever grow on me. The rest of the album is pretty darn solid, though. "Lightnin' Hopkins" proves that Bill Berry was a very gifted drummer for R.E.M. I think they'll miss him. Oh yeah, "Disturbance at the Heron House" is pretty good too.

But I guess that's R.E.M., isn't it? They're always "pretty good" or "pretty darn solid." They're never spectacular. They're solid, but incapable of making the greatest record ever. Unfortunately, many of their fanbase(which is still very strong...80s nostalgia is running stronger than ever) do overrate this band. Now sure, they're an "alternative rock" band, but that's just a label. They have been quite badly overplayed. Maybe not Zeppelin levels, but certainly, at their peak and even now, R.E.M. is all over the airways. Still, despite having a bad singer, R.E.M. remains an awful likable band. Even with all their boring songs. That's why they're still revered even better than many other legendary alternative bands. Whether people will still remember R.E.M. in the year 2098, I cannot say. There may not even be a year 2098 for all I know. So just take it for what it is worth: R.E.M. are a pretty darn solid good band.

7 stars(out of 10)

Christmas Organ & Chimes by Robert Rheims(199?)

Hello there! Yes, I'm reviewing some Christmas music here. As a preface, I'd like to say that I never really understood the whole commercial Christmas music phenomenon. We know these songs already, right? We sing them every year. We hear them constantly on the telly and radio. Why then is there are a market for hundreds of diverse artists to record the same songs and then sell them to an everready public? Makes little sense to me. Heck, TNN was showing a "Christmas with somebody" show every night for a couple weeks after The Waltons. Why would I want to spend Christmas with these freaks, anyway? I'm from Mississippi, gosh darn it...if I want to spend Christmas with some hicks I don't have to look very far :). That :) means I'm kidding. I don't even have a handful of recordings of Christmas music. There's this album I'm about to review, and a couple of homemade tapes that have been with someone in the family for decades. That's all the Christmas music I pesonally need. I could care less as to who is singing these songs. If they sing 'em well, that's good. But, anyway, here is that track listing which I'm sure you're all awaiting eagerly:

1. O Holy Night

2. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

3. God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen

4. From Every Spire on Christmas Eve

5. The First Noel

6. Joy to the World

7. Deck the Halls

8. The Christmas Chimes Are Pealing

9. Away In A Manger

10. I Saw Three Ships

11. Silent Night

12. O Little Town of Bethlehem

13. Good King Wenceslas

14. Angels We Have Heard On High

15. It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

16. O Christmas Tree

17. We Three Kings of Orient Are

18. I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

19. Adeste Fideles(O Come All Ye Faithful)

First off, I should say that this album seems to be very out of print. I did see a copy for $5 someplace once, but you won't likely find it at your local record store nor at any of the topflight Internet sellers. Now that you know you'll likely never get to hear this album, let me describe it for you! These are all(believe it or not) versions of Christmas songs featuring nothing but organs and chimes. Fuzzy church organs with beautiful, shockingly melodic chimes. It's really impressive. I dig those chimes! You know the songs already I'm sure, and the versions here don't disappoint a bit; in fact, they're superior than most vocal versions of these songs that I've ever heard. It's even better than Christmas with Chet Atkins, if you can believe that.

I don't think describing individual songs is really necessary: they're all good. I don't exactly know who this Robert Reims character is, and what he's doing. Is he the organist, the chimer, the baker, or the candle stick maker? All of the above? All I know is that this album was put out by Cathedral Records(indie label! Ooh, now I'm a big shot reviewer.) which is based out of St. Louis, Missouri and possibly doesn't even exist now. If you find it, buy the crap out of it. Sorry for the short review. I wanted to do something Christmasy with the site, and I just did it. I just don't have much to say other than this is a fine album. I can't even urge you to buy it since you probably won't be able to find it anywhere. Oh, I suppose I'll tinker with this review during future holiday seasons(provided I survive this one, of course), so maybe you'd like to check back in two or three years. If your curiousity has REALLY been piqued and you have to hear this album, write to the record company at:

Cathedrals Records, INC.

3310 Lucas Ave.

St. Louis, MO

63103

Finally, Merry Christmas to you all!

9 stars(out of 10)

Hormonally Yours by Shakespear's Sister(1992)

Some background info: I found this tape in my house. Dunno how it got there. It has got this freaky cover and inside photos which reveal that this might not be your average chick band. I decided to review it, thinking people might get bored with just music I like being reviewed(classic rock and blues). So here is the track listing:

1. Goodbye Cruel World

2. I Don't Care

3. My 16th Apology

4. Are We In Love Yet

5. Emotional Thing

6. Stay

7. Black Sky

8. The Trouble With Andre

9. Moonchild

10. Catwoman

11. Let Me Entertain You

12. Hello (Turn Your Radio On)

I've been going over my reviews and editing 'em so I don't sound like a complete idiot. I probably sound like a complete idiot despite the editing, but it makes me feel better. Anyway, this review was whacked out. I'm changing quite a bit of it. Alanis Morissette references, for goodness sakes? What the heck was I thinking?

Well, now for my thoughts on this album. It's actually pretty poppy and upbeat. The two weird sisters here include a Patti Smith worshipping lead singer(Sioban Fahey of Bananarama, of all strange things) and a lady with a charming falsetto voice(Marcella Detroit. I just read that she co-wrote the Eric Clapton tune "Lay Down Sally." I enjoy that piece of country rock musicianship, so I forgive Marcella for participating in this mediocre pop group). So far so good(bad?) It starts out great with this poppy little thing called "Goodbye Cruel World." The best song, without a doubt, to be found on this album. It kind of fades away after that....that is, it just starts to bore me. Side 2 isn't any better, really. A little worse. The trouble with that bastard Andre is he's a bloody liar! That loser! Then it ends with a decent little song entitled "Hello (Turn Your Radio On)." Happily, it's not upbeat like you might think. It's very nice, actually, good guitar work! This album is still a little boring for my tastes. Two good songs.

However, I should note that I am biased. I don't tend to like your average white pop female singer that we're besieged with in our current decade of the woman. I don't mean to say that women can't be just as good a singer as men; they can, if they're black. Does that sound rascist? It shouldn't, cuz I'm a white feller myself. I've never much believed in any real differences existing in people just because of the color of their skin, but there is a noticable difference between the quality of black and white female singers. I think that it probably has a lot to do with the fact that many of the great female soul and R & B singers were raised singin' in church(which happens to be the best place to train your pipes that you could ever find). And don't pass it around, but some of the best music being made currently is by female r & b singers. They're gorgeous and have great voices. Of course, the "music" backing them up ain't usually all that hot, but we can be forgiving.

3 stars(out of 10)

Reign In Blood by Slayer(1986)

Say what you will about Slayer, but one thing you've got to admit as pravda through and through is the fact that this 'eavy metal combo is one of the few bands that seems to invoke some sort of strong response from most everyone who is familiar with them and their music. You ain't lukewarm about Slayer - you like 'em or you don't. Many non-metalheads hate the band with a passion because they are one of the most recognizable names in a genre of music they loath, heavy metal; on the other hand, tons of metalheads think Slayer's one of the best bands of all time. The velocity, the power, the rage, the pathos, the riffs, the solos, the speed, the screaming - that stuff really gets their goat. Dude! On another foot, however, one cannot forget those metalhead scholars(there is indeed such a species) who could, without batting an eye, name a couple dozen more important and better speedy metal bands that very few people but the metalhead scholars have ever even heard of. Well, where do I fit in? As usual, I'm stuck in the middle. With you, perhaps(That's an obscure reference to an old Steeler's Wheel tune, if you didn't catch it.) There is no doubt that Slayer have the ability to make heavy, creative, and amazing music - there is also no doubt, in my mind, that they also have the ability to make boring noise that is completely generic and useless. Call 'em multitalented. I don't think they've ever released an album I could give a perfect ten. This one would probably be the album I would give that ten to if I could give it to any of their releases, but it's just not consistent enough to earn that sort of rating from me. I'll get to the reasons in a moment, but let us first consider what Slayer's place in heavy metal history is.

Without a doubt, I consider Slayer one of the most important bands in metal history. They defined a time and a place and a genre and a movement in heavy metal - they defined all these things for good and for worse. Speed, noise, heaviness, and Satanism were part of heavy metal from the very beginning, and it's all in there in Slayer, only it's speedier, it's heavier, it's nastier than anything the earlier 'definitive' metal bands had produced. However, it would be unfair to give Slayer recognition for inventing any sub-genre in metal themselves - they really didn't. They just got most of the public acclaim as THE speedy metal band, and that's why so many more people know who they are today than those who know of Testament. Columbus didn't discover America. There were folks already living there. Maybe some Norsemen had been there before, too. But Columbus got the fame and the acclaim cuz he brought America to Europe. Slayer brought speed metal to the mainstream world(let's give a nod to Metallica, also - they were pretty speedy back in the day, though that day was quite a long time ago...). For this reason, history books still contain descriptions of Columbus' voyages, and heavy metal history books will always make some mention of Slayer. What Slayer and their contemporaries did that seperated them from the other high deities of heavy metal was their combining the influence of hardcore punk with the lessons taught to them by their metal forebears. In case you don't know, hardcore punk is generally noisy, chaotic, fast, and stupid. Heavy metal may not be the most complicated form of music in the world, but it must be said: speed metal as a genre is an improvement over most hardcore punk. Slayer refined the nihilistic, senseless noise and added riffs and solos and hooks to it. In short, they made the most unmusical form of music in the world more musical, and the amalgamation kicked all sorts of booty. So let us discuss the seminal work Reign In Blood, but here's a track listing first:

1. Angel Of Death

2. Piece By Piece

3. Necrophobic

4. Altar Of Sacrifice

5. Jesus Saves

6. Criminally Insane

7. Reborn

8. Epidemic

9. Postmortem

10. Raining Blood

There's a definite sound that permeates each and every one of these tracks. Slayer have got a heavy, low bass groove thing going, and, depending on how you look at it, there's either no escape from the ass kicking or no escape from the mindless monotony. A few riffs are reused several times, too. Probably a majority of the tunes are in the same key. But, hey, I can forgive 'em because a lot of the songs really are something special. Let's talk about 'em!!

"Angel Of Death" is the song everyone talks about when they discuss this album, and deservedly so for it leaves a very strong impression behind on the listener's sensitive ears. More so than any other track on the album it illustrates the dual sides of Slayer: the hardcore punker and the 'eavy metalhead. It sucks for the first two minutes or so(just monotonic guitar noise masquerading as a riff) but then we get this little twisted(yet wonderful) guitar line that completely changes the song's mood for the better. Then the serious riffing begins and it becomes one of the greatest songs ever writ(by Slayer, at least). I could listen to that kind of killer riffing for a long, long time without getting bored. The solo does suck, but it's so fast and noisy it somehow seems to fit the song's mood. Amazing drumwork throughout the tune - Dave Lombardo plays the first minute and a half as fast as a runaway train. It really gives the opening a more hardcore-ish feel to it than it would have had if left only to the guitarists who play that opening section a wee bit too slow'n'heavy in my o'pinion(these guys couldn't pass off as pure hardcore like Napalm Death could). And when the song goes metal...whoooosh! This guy really starts to kick. Quite a talent, I'd say. Since I feel I'm obligated by law to state this, I will say that Tom Arraya delivers a blood curdling scream in the beginning, hitting notes that no man or beast should be able to hit with only their unarmed vocal cords. Of course, I don't really care much for screaming, but to each their own.

"Piece By Piece" sounds like a hundred thrash metal songs written since, right down to the section where the guitar quiets down and only rumbles through the right speaker. Still, I have to do credit to whoever deserves it - the ethereal "cathedral" riffing towards the end really is impressive. For a two minute song, it's bearable enough, if too generic to be truly loved like a child should be loved.

"Necrophobic" is one of the tracks that doesn't move me at ALL - it's all speed and noise, no substance. It's like hardcore punk with a crappy guitar solo thrown in for no reason whatsoever! The title is an adjective describing someone who is afraid of dying and/or corpses - has nothing to do with necrophelia, so rest your pretty little soul.

I consider "Altar Of Sacrifice" a big improvement because at least it has a creative, nagging guitar line shimmering along right from the beginning. Like all the other solos on this album, the one in this song is a bit overdone and formulaic. Neither of the guitarists could have been in Thin Lizzy, it's safe to say. The ending section is really cool though - the band turns into an industrial riff pumping machine, and this is a very good thing for Slayer. Aww, they could've been a great industrial band!

And then there's "Jesus Saves." I'm assuming it's not a gospel song - these guys didn't get no reputation as practitioners of Satanism for nothing, you know. I can never tell what Arraya is actually singing - sings too fast for me to keep up with, so the lyrics remain a mystery to me. I can't say I'm all that interested, besides...who listens to Slayer for the LYRICS?? Me, I'll stick to Ray Davies for my lyrics. Lyrical themes cast aside, the song is quite good. There's a guitar in each speaker riffing like there's no tomorra. The first minute and ten seconds is solely instrumental. Gosh, that's as good as Tony Iommi's Black Sabbath best. No joke. The speedy hardcore section is really good, too.

And, you know, I was just thinking: doesn't "Criminally Insane" sound like the sort of song title a hardcore band would come up with? Like Suicidal Tendencies or somebody. Well, no matter really. The song isn't very good. Kind of stutters about slowly and vaguely. I don't much care for Arraya's hardcore rapping vocal style, and there's even more hideous guitar soloing. Pathetic, guys. Just pathetic. Shut off your electric twangers this instant! There is one cool Eastern sounding guitar line around for ten seconds towards the end, but it's not worth the price of admission. I think if I was in a metal or punk band I would call our first album The Price of Submission. Has anyone done that one before? It would sell a million bucks though it don't mean a damned thing. As it is, however, I'm a solo artiste, un gentilhomme-fermier if you will, who is entitling his latest instrumental(guitar, keyboard, flute, harmonica, tuning pipe) masterwork Quiessence.

Get this: "Reborn" sounds like the freakin' DESCENDENTS. I'm not joking. Luckily, it sounds like the free, noisy, fart jokin' early Descendents so that's not such a bad thing. Except for the solo, but that almost goes without saying, doesn't it? Tom Arraya even sounds a bit like Milo Auckermann.

Ooh, "Epidemic" is a real pretty one. A moving ballad about a cowboy who has left his baby back in Texas to move to California in search of fame. Hah. Only kiddin': it's just another Slayer song. Mark Prindle once said something about how Slayer albums tend to have a few really great songs and a lot of other songs which "kick ass" but all you think to yourself when you hear them is "This sounds like Slayer!" Not "this is a really fantastic song!" What I'm trying to say is that this tune certainly sounds like Slayer, but it doesn't have anything special. I mean, that slithery stutter metal riff is kind of getting old already. Time to bring in the string section, I think. OH NO! NOT ANOTHER GUITAR SOLO! PLEASE! There is one cool mid section riff which sounds a lot like Judas Priest, who were one of the best 'traditional' metal bands in the early 80s and who are now a pretty good thrash band.

Ah, hah, "Postmortem." These guys are a bit morbid. They sure ain't any pansy necrophobics - they think death and corpses are c00l. This song tears. The opening riff-fest never fails to bring me to my knees and my head to the floor. Arraya is even kind of/sort of/maybe singing a melody. What riffs though. I seep admiration all over the ground. Metal, hardcore, industrial? All of the above, main, all of the above.

My copy of the album ends with "Raising Blood." There is a re-released version out and about with a couple new tunes, but I haven't heard it. This song has funny lyrics. "If you wanna raise blood you gotta put in a pot, pour some water on it and put it on the windowsill...AYEAHAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Just joking, of course. The song is one of the longer tunes on the album, clocking in at four minutes. It starts out horror-movie style atmospheric then gets all crazy and riffy...wow. These guys knew how ta riff! And they could write a few tortured guitar lines, too. This is one of the best songs on the album. Excellent way to end.

8 stars(out of 10)

Gish by the Smashing Pumpkins(1991)

This is my last "Volume Two" album review. It seemed right to stop here. I have to take some time to go through my old reveiws and do some minor correctin' and rewriting. I'm ending this collection of album reviews with a promise to continue to attempt to review a large variety of records by a large variety of artists whether or not I particularly enjoy a record or not. Good review after good review gets boring after all, doesn't it?

I'm glad that I'm finally tackling on a 90s group here. I don't know why it's taken me this long. Of course, I also can't explain why I haven't reviewed any Black Flag, Ramones, or Minutemen as of yet. All I can do is shrug and mutter under my breath, "Ah, I'll get to it." And I will get to it, too. This site is a long term project, and I fully expect to labor on with it until I become decent at the art of review writing which should take me at least half a decade, if not longer. So, let's talk about the Smashing Pumpkins, their era, their music, and that bald guy they call a lead singer. The Smashing Pumpkins were just a four piece band at the time this record came out: Billy Corgan(vocals, guitar), James Iha(guitar), D'Arcy(bass), and Jimmy Chamberlin(drums). The Crushin' Watermelons go into the studio(what studio? Some studio!) armed with strong word of mouth and soon to be legendary producer Butch Vig. They record a sleepy bunch of slow songs that, while not particularly impressive or innovative, are a pleasant enough listen. Spin Magazine soon calls their debut "the album of the year" but of course it wasn't: Nirvana's Nevermind would cinch that title for all accounts and porpoises. Maybe band leader Billy Corgan let the critical success for this album go to his head, or maybe he was just that egoistical to begin with. Whatever happened, Mr. Corgan became supremely assured of his own musical genius, and he seems to have decided that his band merely needed to record a couple of pretentious mainstream alternative rock albums to secure their place in music history. Corgan was both right and wrong. The Gish follow ups Siamese Dream and Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness sold millions of copies and spawned numerous hit singles. They were chock full of midtempo "rock" songs that were poorly sung and went nowhere, but, for the time being, nobody noticed that - least of all Corgan himself. All's well; now the Pumpkins just have to either break up or record decent, "experimental" albums into the next decade and they'll be remembered as legends! Right! Right..! Right?

Well, surprisingly, no. Grunge burned out faster than anybody could've expected, and alternative music in general lost its edge to pop and electronica in the mid to late 90s. Alt rock had to become poppier, even if meant leaving behind both the musicians who had put it on the map and those who had popularized it in the mainstream - it was a matter of survival for the genre. Fast forward to 1998: big selling alternative artists include the likes of Everclear, Matchbox 20, and Third Eye Blind. Two one time multi-platinum artists, Pearl Jam and the Smashing Pumpkins, barely manage platinum records with their albums Yield and Adore(which is a shame in the case of Pearl Jam...Yield's probably the best record they ever put out). Platinum records aren't anything to scoff at, but please remember that the Pumpkins just a year and a half before sold eight million units of Mellon Collie. That's an ATROCIOUS repeat buyer rate. Atrocious!

I apologize for this long-winded intro but I really think it's necessary before I begin my Gish review...just bear with me, okay? Eight years after their debut, the Pumpkins are now at a crossroads. They can either put out the same sort of album year after year, trying to please an audience which has disappeared, or they can attempt to create music as a group, instead of functioning as the working creative unit of Billy Corgan. Billy said recently that the next Pumpkins album will "sound a lot like Mountain." That might be nice! However, since I expect that Billy Corgan couldn't imitate Leslie West properly even if he did put on a couple hundred pounds, I think that Billy and the rest of the current band lineup might give this Gish album a listen. It's not a great album, but it's a decent one that could be improved on greatly with the proper amount of effort put in. Dig the track listing, will you?

1. I Am One

2. Siva

3. Rhinoceros

4. Bury Me

5. Crush

6. Suffer

7. Snail

8. Tristessa

9. Window Paine

10. Daydream

I think it's really cool how the Smashing Pumpkins do indeed sound like a band here: you can hear the two guitarists and their individual styles, you can hear D'arcy's plodding bass lines, and you can hear Jimmy Chamberlin steady 4/4 beat. Billy Corgan who, I say? The songs are all slow to mid-tempo, and the guitars are either heavy(but not too heavy) or very light. The lyrics are really not very good(I know plenty of critics would disagree with me, but they'll never see this review :) ), and are sometimes terrible. Corgan has a very weak singing voice, and that alone ruins a few songs on this record. If he's just singing quietly or for atmosphere, though, you'd hardly notice that he's there. (which is a good thing).

I probably like a couple of the generic alt rock songs on this record too much. "I Am One" for example. I love those crazy Jimi Hendrix "Are You Experienced?" like solo noises, though there's no good reason why I should. The riff is pretty weak, though. "Siva" isn't terrible either. Corgan isn't singing too loudly; he lets the band go off and groove. But of course again, the riff isn't that strong...and if you're doing a riff oriented rock song you need to have a pretty good riff! How can you compete with the likes of Free if you don't even come up with good riffs? Not that I'd argue that good rock and roll has to have riffs - the lack of riffs can be compensated for by the use of other forms of musical expression:complex chord progressions or intelligent instrument solos for example. Unfortunately, the Plumpkins generally don't compensate for their weaknesses(because they can't recognize them themselves!). "Rhinoceros" is my favorite song on the album(it has a hook, and a good one, too). Very solid song. "Bury Me" is unnecessary. The guitarwork is very boring, and even the mad solos can't convince me otherwise. The rhythm section plods along brightly however...did I mention that Jimmy Chamberlin is a pretty cool drummer yet? He pounds quite softly, though he never misses a step. Soft and fast(the opposite of the "standard" Pumpkins sound which is hard and slow). "Crush" is the first ballad of the album. Acoustic guitar, electric bass and periodic melodic electric guitar fills. No drums. Neither good nor bad, unless you're in the mood for some rock and roll, in which case it's garbage. "Suffer" would be a pretty good song, what with the cool sounding guitars and ominous bass line, but Corgan's vocals are an embarassment. He sounds like a complete dork. What ever possessed him to want to sing, for goodness sakes? If he wanted to be a singer he could've at least worked on his style. He could make the most of what he's got, like a David Bowie or a Jimi Hendrix. You can't expect a skinny white guy to have the pipes of a Muddy Waters, after all. Well, I guess I don't need to mention any of the other songs...well, I'll mention "Daydream." It's hilarious. String section. Childlike vocals from Billy. It cracks me up to no end every time I hear the final "I've gone crazy" section...it sounds like exactly the same sort of song you recorded when you were fourteen: one chord in the background, the single line "I've gone crazy..." followed by a simple guitar line you thought sounded cool, repeated several times. Maybe you swore a bit before the final crazy once at the end if you were a kid at all like Billy Corgan(I wasn't.) All of this was supposed to be an example of the mental descent into insanity...but how? Why? Oh well. I don't think you'll be surprised when you see my rating for this album.

5 stars(out of 10)

The Sweet by the Sweet(1998)

Glam rock as a musical movement links up particularly well with the Rococo movement in 18th century art. Both were light-hearted, obsessed with superficialities, more image oriented than meaning oriented, and, though never reaching the point where they could be considered "fine" or "serious" art, highly enjoyable. Very commercial, too. I'm about ready to name Mott the Hoople as the finest glam rock band of all time, but only because they were more than glam - actually, some of their most glam moments are what I like the least. And Ian Hunter actually put a good bit of sincerity into his lyrics and vocal delivery quite a lot of the time...yeesh, now that's not glam at all, is it? Mott's most serious competition would likely be David Bowie in his glam period, but, really, as good as Ziggy Stardust and Alladin Sane may sound the first few times you hear them, the more you listen to them the more both albums' limitations(and filler) become apparent. And, really, quite frankly, Bowie isn't that interesting a guy - I'd rather hear a Mick Ronson instrumental record than Bowie being Bowie. That seems to be what has haunted Bowie throughout his career - even on his "great" albums he's overshadowed by others, be it Ronson, Wakeman, or Eno. But nevermind, wouldn't you rather hear Mott or Bowie than, gulp, child pornographer Gary Glitter or any number of other less talented souls(like, say, the Sweet...)?

If there was ever a band that could insult your intelligence and not care a bit, it would be the Sweet. They were one of the most popular bands in England for a time, despite the fact that their lyrics were probably about the stupidest ever written for a rock'n'roll band. What's really scary is that these lyrics weren't written by the band, but by professional songwriters Nicky Chinn and Mike Chapman. PROFESSIONALS wrote those stupid, jerky rhymes? Gee, I guess it isn't too hard to be a "good" songwriter after all. Musically the Sweet weren't terribly smart, either. If ever there was a band to make you hate guitar solos, it would be the Sweet. Lead guitarist Andy Scott had no idea how to play a good solo - most of the time it sounded like he was playing random notes without any sensitivity or ability whatsoever. Finally, vocalist Brian Francis Connolly was really annoying singing those happy glam-pop melodies with his girlish voice. That's the bad things. What about the good things? Well, first of all, this was a darn near great riff band. Both Scott and bassist Steve Priest knew how to work a heavy, heavy groove when they felt like it. The combination of the heavy electric grooves with Connolly's pop sensibilities resulted in some pretty enjoyable tunage often enough. Unfortunately, though, Sweet also recorded a bucketful of sing-a-long bubblegum pop songs that are really hard to sit through. This album, a compilation of Sweet's early singles, wisely packs in all the heavy rock songs in the beginning and puts all the yucky sing-a-long bubblegum at the end, so if you're like me you can just shut the dang thing off after the rock'n'roll stops!

Here's a track listing:

1. Little Willy

2. New York Connection

3. Wig-Wam Bam

4. Done Me Wrong All Right

5. Hell Raiser

6. Blockbuster

7. Need A Lot Of Lovin'

8. Man From Mecca

9. Spotlight

10. You're Not Wrong For Loving Me

11. Jeannie

12. Poppa Joe

13. Alexander Graham Bell

14. Co-Co

15. Funny Funny

The album starts off appropriately with the group's third most famous song in the U.S., "Little Willy."(The other two are the proto-Ramones simplistic shuffle anthem "Ballroom Blitz" and the annoying synth-rock/pop of "Fox On The Run" - both were recorded later in the Sweet's career.) It's bubblegum pop, sure, but the riff rocks! Strangely, the song's a bit reminiscent of early Who - happy song, protestant lyrics("You can't push Willy 'round, Willy won't go!"). Think "Happy Jack." But don't get any wrong ideas: in no way may the Sweet be considered in the league of the Who. Meanwhile, track two "New York Connection" is probably the densest, punkiest track on here, but for some reason Andy Scott decided to put in a couple lengthy guitar solos for no good reason whatsoever so that it ends up sounding more like Bad Company than the New York Dolls(not that I'm all that crazy about either one of those bands). Crap! Awful, awful solos. Listen to this guy for a few seconds and realize how great a band Thin Lizzy were in their prime. Track three sets a new low standard in lyricism for the Sweet that they proceed to maintain throughout the rest of the collection. "She said 'wig-wam bam gonna make you my man, wam bam wam gonna get you if I can, wig wam bam wanna make ya understand..." Excuse me while I beat my head repeatedly against the nearest brick wall. Strangely, it's a pretty good song - I really like this Andy Scott's approach to riffing, and even the sissiest melody Connolly comes up with sounds pretty good when it's backed up by a roaring guitar. Oh well, "Done Me Wrong All Right" is as generic as generic can be - an example of typical 70s sludge-blues-rock which disgraced the genre. Joy, we get hear MORE Andy Scott soloing? All is not lost, however! "Hell Raiser" is here to save the day! Don't confuse the song with the crappy horror movies: this is vital stutter metal. Man. Listen to that drummer go! Heck, even Brian Francis Connolly sounds cool! Granted, the chorus is pretty awful, "she's a hellraiser...starchaser...trailblazer..." Who really cares about the lyrics when you got that riff and that drumming? This be rock'n'roll. You even get to hear a brick wall collapsing at the end. "Blockbuster" is more generic 70s rock - what's really frightening is that the song opens with the shrill wailings of a police siren, and when Connolly begins singing he's actually in harmony with the siren. It's a funny, ditzy little tune, but completely disposable. The chants at the end are not "Rasta, rasta, rasta", but instead the song's title being repeated incessantly - I just didn't want you to get the idea that the Sweet were trying to incite you to join that fine faith of Selassie followers. "You're Not Wrong For Loving Me" is another good rock'n'roller in the same vein as "Hell Raiser". but it doesn't sound so good the second time around. Same key ingredients: heavy guitars and fabulous drumming. Ayeeeh, "Man From Mecca" sucks. I hate Scott's soloing, and in this song the guitar soloing is the focus. I hate the tone...the way the guitar sounds like it's whining AT YOU. Definitely not what you need to hear after a hard day living through ninety degree temperatures. I won't touch the lyrics - they speak for themselves. Ouch. But here's a cool song: "Spotlight"! It's an acoustic obsession ballad complete with spooky "ah-ah-ahs" harmonies in the background and occasional crappy electric guitar fills. Once again Scott shows his limitations as a guitar soloist: listen to how he just repeats the same notes over and over again with little variation. He sounds like a beginner, which he certainly wasn't. Well, now the rock'n'roll has truly ended: now all we've got is a bunch of stupid sing-a-long pop songs. Not all is crap, of course. "Jeannie", for instance, is a really nice laidback country tune. I can't believe this is the same band that did "Hell Raiser." It sounds so happy and healthy and...sweet. It's not just another generic country song performed by a rock band - it's a really good country song. Even "Poppa Joe" has those bongos and steel drums bringing the sounds of the islands to your cold English soul. I certainly wouldn't listen to the song in public if I could help it, however, unless you're really desperate to hear some steel drums. This sing-a-long stuff starts getting ridiculous with the likes of "Alexander Graham Bell", however. That cutesy trumpet playing turns me off from the start, but then it turns into a Donovan ripoff! By the way, how come hardly anybody listens to Donovan anymore? He's not as lightweight as some people think. Of course Fabian, now that's a different story altogether, though I will say that he did act brilliantly in the 1966 Gregory Pollock directed Agatha Christie cinema adapation of "Ten Little Indians." A fine moving picture, by the way. Likely better than the '89 version which I've never seen. "Co-Co" has more good steel drum work, but, errrrr, it's not really worth listening to I don't believe. Interesting how the guitarists can barely be heard at all on these early songs. The last track, "Funny Funny", was also the first Sweet song that won the hearts of impressionable English audiences back in the day. Personally, if my tastes were shared by the impressionable English audiences back in the day, the Sweet never would've experienced any chart success at all till they recorded something good like "Hell Raiser", which I've decided to be about the finest non-metal metal song I've ever heard in all my days. It's good stuff! "Funny Funny" ain't!

This is a surprisingly listenable collection of songs if you omit the last three, but it's still not very good. It's hard to overlook Connolly's and Scott's limitations, even on the good songs. However, "Hell Raiser" is a must hear just the same. Like thousands of other bands, the Sweet were not without talent, but they did not have the patience or the consistency to record a lot of songs in a row which didn't suck. Oy vey!

5 stars(out of 10)

Jailbreak by Thin Lizzy(1976)

Thin Lizzy should be remembered as one of the finest, if not the best, hard rock band to emerge from the 1970s. Sadly, they are most often grouped together with bands such as Bad Company and Foreigner, even though Lizzy albums were much, much stronger and varied than those two bands' collective output. (By the way, while we're on the subject of Foreigner, have you ever been to that website that has collected all the Rolling Stone reviews of the band's albums? It's HILARIOUS - they got bad review after bad review, and their LPs still sold millions. Each reviewer got more and more disgusted with the whole thing, and attacked the band even more aggressively on each successive review.) Lizzy also rank as the best Irish band of all time - much better than those chaps in U2.

It is fair to say that the soul of Thin Lizzy was Phil Lynott. His flat, laconic vocal deliveries complimented his often melancholy lyrics perfectly. As a bass player, he was also decent - sometimes surprisingly original, too. He died in 1986 at age thirty four after a lifetime of drug abuse. His story is ultimately a sad one, as he is in some respects a genius, but only an immature one. His lyrics are worth listening to as working class poetry, but they lose much of their beauty and effectiveness because of the occasional amateurish, predictable, and misplaced line. As a bassist and singer, he was at times very impressive, but only at times. With maturity, (a maturity he, alas, probably could never have achieved while on drugs) Phil could've taken his place with the very greats of rock music. Sadly, he's dead now and all we have are these rough-hewn Lizzy albums. Still, they're pretty great.

If Lynott was the heart and soul of Lizzy, the two guitarists Scott Gorham and Brian Robertson were just about everything else. I don't know which is the lead and which is the rhythm player - from what I can gather, it seems they interchangeably played both roles. Whatever the arrangement was, the guitar playing during their time in Lizzy was almost perfect. Killer riffs and killer solos. Especially killer solos: on Jailbreak, you'll find yourself some of the most beautiful, melodic, pointful guitar solos as you could find anywhere else. The lead work on the record in fact reminds me of some of Brian May's soloing in Queen(the major difference between the two is that Phil Lynott let his guitarists shine and dominate the song from time to time, quite unlike that short Zorastrian dude.) The Lizzy drummer was Brian Downey - he and Lynott formed the band in 1969. Robertson and Gorham arrived years later.

Track listing:

1. Jailbreak

2. Angel from the Coast

3. Running Back

4. Romeo and the Lonely Girl

5. Fight or Fall

6. The Boys Are Back in Town

7. Cowboy Song

8. Emerald

9. Warriors

I like all the songs on this LP but one. We'll get to that one in a moment, but let us first discuss the hits. "Jailbreak" and "The Boys Are Back in Town" are both classic rock radio standards, and deservedly so, for they are both phenomenally catchy rock tunes that were made for radio. Like most radio hits, they're both pretty unadventurous and kind of(dare I say it?) conventional. I like them both, but they're certainly not my favorite songs on the record. (I do think it's a real pity that "The Boys Are Back in Town" has been so commercialized. I used to think that solo was one of the best I'd ever heard. Now it seems sort of simplistic to me. A sign of matured tastes or oversaturation??) When I first gave a listen to the album, I think "Angel from the Coast", "Running Back", and "Romeo and the Lonely Girl" surprised me the most. These are really much more sensitive tunes than you'd expect to hear coming from a band of misogynistic thugs(such as all 70s hard rock bands were marketed.) They're real cool musically, too - if you really listen closely you can tell one of the guitarists is playing against the beat. Beautiful solos on all three as well! Lyrics like "I'm a fool now that it's over/Can you guess my name?/I make my money singing songs aboutya/It's my claim to fame/When they say it's over it's not all over/There's still the pain" are pretty dern good too, I think. Side A, aside from the title track, is full of these wistful, mellow, and melancholic tunes. Side B is where the rockin' is, and, coincidentally, it's where my two favorite tunes on the album may be found.

"Cowboy Song" was apparently a minor hit in the UK and Dijibouti, but it didn't do a darn thing in the U.S.A. It sure is great, though! Phenomenal guitar playing! Holy tormato, what a solo! What vocals! What crappy lyrics! "Emerald", on me other hand, is my favorite pure out and out rocker on the album. It starts out sounding like Spinal Tap, then like Slayer. That's some pretty heavy, lean and mean down and dirty hurdy gurdy riffing there, sister. The lyrics are neither as good or as emotionally resonant as they were on the first side, but that's to be expected. Heavy music and intelligent lyrics don't go too well together - look at punk rock and heavy metal, for goodness sakes! Before I forget to mention it, I love the solo on "Emerald" too. How could I not? This sure is a heckuva guitar solo album!

Remember way up there when I mentioned how there was one song I didn't like on the album? It wasn't "Fight or Fall" - I just didn't feel like mentioning that one. It was and is "Warriors", a perfectly pointless and derivative tune that features Phil Lynott imitating Jimi Hendrix on the vocals! I'm serious. Who imitates Jimi Hendrix's vocals?? Not that there was anything wrong with his singing voice, but it wasn't all that great, either.

Other than that, however, this album is prettier than even the loveliest snotgreen sea this side of the emerald isle of Eire. Why is it that all my favorite quotes from Ulysses involve mucus in some way or another? Hey you, hand me my snotrag!

This instant!

9 stars(out of 10)

Reader Thoughts

bburks@comp.uark.edu (Brian Burks)

What a great, underrated band. I wouldn't quite say they were the best '70s hard rock band, since we have to deal with the Clash, Ramones, Mott the Hoople, and probably a few other people (the '70 were the decade for basic hard rock) but they are certainly near the top. Phil Lynott really had some talent, it's a shame that, like Johnny Thunders, he had to blow it with his heroin addiction.

Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich by Warrant(1988)

More hair bands? You betcha! Track listing? Right here:

1. 32 Pennies

2. Down Boys

3. Big Talk

4. Sometimes She Cries

5. So Damn Pretty(Should Be Against The Law)

6. D.R.F.S.R.

7. In the Sticks

8. Heaven

9. Ridin' High

10. Cold Sweat

Believe it or not: I originally gave this record an EIGHT. An EIGHT. Can you imagine the kind of hate mail I'd have gotten from that? Holy mackerel. It would have been ugly. But I really did like it the first couple times I heard it. However, I just now realized this isn't all that good. It's above average, sure, but not worthy of an eight. Above average? Well...yeah! This IS better than the Foo Fighters, Everclear, Matchbox 20, and other boring alterna-pop "rockers." At least this has some good guitar riffs and solos. Probably ripped off, though. "Big Talk" reminds me of Thin Lizzy's classic "The Boys Are Back in Town" in its intro for some reason. Even though the Thin Lizzy tune is an impossibly beautiful anthem that can't be rivalled by anything on this album.

For some reason, this album just couldn't hold my interest after repeated listens. There just isn't that much substance. It's slap-happy rock and roll. And basically for teenage girls. It's still a whole helluva lot better than the Backstreet Boys.

6 stars (out of 10)

The Who Sell Out by the Who(1967)

Note: This review is by far the longest I've ever written, but as I was just going over it again I wondered if it wasn't too short. That must say a lot about this album. At any rate, you be the judge!

I'll preface this review with a controversial opening statement which will make you want to read the rest of the garbage I've come up with today: I think The Who Sell Out is the best concept album ever made. By that I mean this is the best concept album which actually relates to its concept. The Beatles concept albums don't really do that(ever wondered why that band of nice old-timey fellows who made up Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band would suddenly decide to record an INDIAN song? That's like Engelbert Humperdinck deciding to release a heavy metal album.), the Kinks' later ones don't either. Pink Floyd's did SORT OF: on The Dark Side of the Moon the concept was vague enough to allow nearly anything to be done, with The Wall the concept was still vague but the story better fleshed out(and it's a better album musically than Dark Side, if you ask me, even though it is inconsistent). Jehtro Tull were similarly vague in their conceptualizations, and anyway, Aqualung deviates from its primary storyline too, just like the Beatles' and later Kinks' records did. What I'm trying to say is that it is definitely not the easiest thing in the world to come up with a concept album that really works. You basically have to keep it simple, stupid: if you don't, either the concept will become very vague and hazy, or you'll be unable to fill the album with material that directly relates to the concept. So the Who kept it simple. Pete Townshend, John Entwistle, Keith Moon, and Roger Daltrey suddenly decided to become yet another anonymous 1967 radio band, but they refused to sacrifice artistic credibility in order to do it. Nay! That would assuredly not be groovy.

Following a pattern which they would continue to follow throughout the rest of their careers(did you hear that there is going to be a NEW Who studio album released sometime in the next couple of years according to the band?), the Who decided to do something unpredictable after experiencing great success. Pete Townshend had an idea, y'see: what if the Who sold out? If they recorded an album of songs mixed with fake commercial ads and jingles and radio blurbs? Naturally, the resulting product drives home the point that Negativland have been attempting to drive home for their entire careers: that mass commercialism is bland and deadening, and ultimately an enemy of art. But the Who's concept doesn't end right there. This is not just an album of regular Who songs mixed with stupid ads. The Who's musical style changed ever so slightly, too. This album does not 'rock'. Rather, the predominating songstyle is that type of ditty which so delights modern OK Computer fans: the quiet pop song! The electric guitars are toned down, and acoustic guitars are brought in for a number of songs. Roger Daltrey is singing quietly and softly. Keith Moon and John Entwistle play minor roles - no longer the bombastic rhythm section of yore, their biggest contribution to this record might be the fake ads themselves, many of which they conceived and put together on their own. Astonishingly, what the Who recorded was an album with a number of bland, slow songs. The sort of songs which sit around without doing a thing - the sort of stuff which gets played on radio all the time(even then, I suppose). The sort of stuff which does well on the singles chart for a little while, then is forgotten within a few weeks. Listening to this album initially should annoy you a little bit for it does sound as if the band has well and truly sold out rock'n'roll. This album sounds like commercial radio...bland and uninteresting! However, the more you listen the more you realize that these songs do have a certain amount of depth. These aren't simple pop songs - these are complex, multi-sectioned pop songs! Now, the main melodies often are bland, but there's almost always something interesting to be heard in each song. In a way, what the Who did here was in one way completely mock and parodize commercialism and generic pop, only then they proceeded to perfect these two limited songstyles. The result is assuredly interesting.

Luckily for us, the Who didn't record a completely bland album. There are some extremely good songs here - a few among the best the Who ever performed. If you can tolerate the Beatles "Revolution 9"(I always pretend that song is just a radio commercial whenever I listen to the White Album), you should be able to stomach these pleasant, if nondescript pop songs...certainly they're not BAD by any means, and although I find Daltrey's soft warbling a little grating after a while, he's nowhere near as obtrusive as he normally is. And like I said before, almost all of the songs have something worth listening to, no matter how dull they might strike you initially. The good/great songs are worth sitting the average tunes out at any rate, and the concept demands your attention throughout.

If you're going to get a concept album, get this. It might be a good idea to view the track listing, first, though. Know what you're dealing with. Note that I have the remastered-with-bonus tracks addition, and I advise you to get this, too, as it is really cheap and adds a great deal of new material you would miss out on otherwise.

Track listing:

1. Armenia City In The Sky

2. Heinz Baked Beans

3. Mary Anne With The Shaky Hand

4. Odorono

5. Tattoo

6. Our Love Was

7. I Can See For Miles

8. I Can't Reach You

9. Medac

10. Relax

11. Silas Stingy

12. Sunrise

13. Rael 1

14. Rael 2

15. Glittering Girl

16. Melancholia

17. Someone's Coming

18. Jaguar

19. Early Morning Cold Taxi

20. Hall of the Mountain King

21. Girl's Eyes

22. Mary Anne With The Shaky Hand(2)

23. Glow Girl

There is a school of thought which holds that a number of the songs I consider "rather dull" to be instead pure works of sheer genius. This is only proper - Heaven forbid I say a thing which is not heartily disagreed with by a few million people. Basically, you'll know how you really feel about this record the moment you listen to "Armenia City In The Sky." Actually, the album really opens with a radio blurb featuring a robotized voice reciting the days of the week amid bursts of solid horn bombast. Bizarre, but cute. The first SONG, "Armenia City In The Sky", opens with a clanging guitat riff and a soaring trumpet line, which I enjoy very much. Then the singin' Roger Daltrey takes over, and, er, I know many people who disagree, but I find his vocal performance here one of the most revolting uses of a human voice and production technique that I've ever heard in my life. Yes, it's "psychedelic", and the stupid lyrics further confirm this, but that "airy" tone to Roger's voice about drives me nuts on its own terms. I love the dissonant trumpet lines which pop out at intervals(was the trumpet played by John, maybe? That was his first instrument), and the guitar riff is certainly a winner...but that melody. That voice. Neh. "Armameenia in the sky" indeed. Not for me. But I'll certainly take it gladly along with the concept. It certainly is no worse than a number of trippy tunes recorded by one hit psychedelic wonders during the 60s(which plagued radio during the 60s - making this song extremely appropriate considering the "sell out" concept.)

My favorite song on this album is "Heinz Baked Beans." I am not joking. Well, just a little bit perhaps. What appears on the surface to be a rather nonsensical, incomprehensible fake advert which should be quickly disposed in favor of more serious musical composition ultimately reveals itself upon closer listening to be sheer comedic genius. It's Monty Python-esque: the beautiful trumpet playing and the march style drumming and the wonderful English actors. "What's for tea, mum? What's for tea, darling?" You'd have to hear it to understand. It's definitely weird, absolutely nonsensical, and utterly brilliant. What an effect! And it has nothing to do with "Heinz Baked Beans"! Who knew the Who could have made such a fine surrealistic comedy troupe? This is one of few songs on this album which is totally flawless.

Another one of my favorites is "Mary Anne With The Shaky Hand." It's acoustic, but Pete can play that guitar whether it's got a cable or not: great riff, and more! Just listen to those mariachi type stylings before the final vocal section(it's even backed by a guiro!). The melody is the big attraction though, being as lovely as a Christmas rose and as sweetly smelling, too. It's awful purdy, and the absurdist lyrics are among my favorite Townshend penned for this record(although I wonder if Mark Prindle's take on the subject matter wasn't actually correct! You'd have to read his Who reviews to understand this comment.)

While the last two songs make me laugh aloud, "Odorono" aims for different territory. It's subtle, you see. I've come to really enjoy it though it is a bit simplistic(it's also short). Kind of clever of the Who to actually make these initial ad jingles as clever and good as some of the actual songs. The first thing you need to know about this song is that Townshend's lead line is one the sneakiest, grooviest I've ever heard. Brilliant! Unfortunately, it just repeats again and again throughout the song, but I guess it's supposed to be working a groove. Drums and bass are good, also. Most important here is how the sneaky guitar, intelligent bass line, and the drums fit in with the song's story. Oh yes, I said story. Ever want to know why people think Mr. Townshend is a songwriting genius? Listen to this. The song concerns this female singer who spots a male admirer watching her perform on stage. She thinks he's really handsome, and hopes they will have a chance to see each other again. They end up meeting backstage, but in the midst of a pleasant conversation he suddenly declares that he must now leave, thus causing her much angst. The reason? All explained in this line: "Her deodorant had let her down, she should have used Odorono." The song is delivered with such sincerity(great job here, Daltrey!) and is so well written that this ending line is astonishing. The heightened dramatic aspect of the song is suddenly deflated before the listener can even suck it all in. No matter how long the songs on Who's Next are, it's a bit difficult to call the Who overblown and pretentious after this. This is one of the great songs on this album. The only bad section is the operatic "Triumphant!" cry which reoccurs twice - rather amateuresque sounding. I don't know why they put it in.

Kind of funny, but I find "Tattoo" rather bland in this context. The opening jangly guitar section(acoustic here) is as superb as ever, but the electric rock'n'roll verve of the Live at Leeds version is greatly missed by me, at least. Great lyrics, though - the narrator of the song and his brother have decided to prove their manhood by getting tattoes, and their parents react rather harshly to this(I especially like the part where the narrator of the song waxes romantic over the tattoo which will never leave him. What wicked wit!), I much prefer Roger singing in a lower pitch, however. And the guitars. Those were nice!

Now, time for boredom. "Our Love Was" is a ballad with a sappy melody that sounds like, oh, about a hundred I've heard before. John's & Pete's solid riffing is good, and that Hendrix-style solo is almost brilliant, but it goes away too soon, quickly disposed by more "Our love was soaring..." "Our love was shining..." misery. Actually, this sets a trend which most of the songs I consider second tier follow to a T: that is, almost all of them have a section or two, instrumental or vocal, which I really enjoy, but these sections are overshadowed by an overbearing melody which isn't so good.

Pete Townshend described "I Can See For Miles" as the Who's ultimate single, and perhaps this is not so far wrong, though I actually prefer "Behind Blue Eyes" from Who's Next which mines similar territory but is more threatening. Still, this is great, too: the crashing opening guitar riff, the menacing vocal delivery of Daltrey's, the furious soloing, the faster-than-a-speeding-bullet drumming. It gets my attention for sure.

The unforgettable country jingle jangle of the "Charles Atlas" ad which serves as the prelude to "I Can't Reach You" certainly demands my attention for the duration of its twenty seconds as well. You know, the Who could've made a great commercial jingle band, and that's something to be proud of. I think. Oh well, "I Can't Reach You" is impossible to dislike in total. After the promising upbeat piano intro, it quickly descends into disposable pop trash, but then it digs itself up from the ashes with not one, but two excellent, lovely vocal sections. And the instrumental stuff ain't all that bad either - a pity the piano and bass are kind of pushed aside in order for Roger to do his thing. And a real pity that the main melody is so generic and boring. The lyrics are comic, but they only make me emit a quiet chuckle if anything. The ad was better, though.

Ah, but the next ad is one of the weaker ones on the record. It's clever, no doubt, but that doesn't excuse the band ripping a traditional melody for it. Bugger 'em all! "Medac" isn't a "Heinz Baked Beans" or "Odorono", that's for sure. Might make you grin once, but that's it. The actual song is "Relax", and it too is pretty forgettable. The guitar solo is superb, but it sure doesn't last for very long. Most of it is just Roger reciting dreamy incantations - a hippy's delight, to be sure. It's meant to be enjoyed during the time you listen to it, but I doubt you'll be able to remember it too well the next day. Just relax and wait for the next song. Oop, but it's not very good either!

John Entwistle is one of the finest bassists on the other side of the Atlantic, but his actual song compositions have been known to try the patience of nearly every Who fan. "Silas Stingy" is another disposable tune - it's just boring and rather pointless. I assume that it's something of a homage to George Eliot's literary hero Silas Marner, but it still doesn't make much sense. Cute, but not worth spending money on. So the next time you see a "Silas Stingy" single in the used record bin, leave it be. Leave it be!

"Sunrise" is rather interesting. Quiet and soft, but the guitar line is naggingly off-kilter. If you listen really closely, you can ever hear a little bit of "Pinball Wizard" in the mid-section. That's all this song seems to be, though, a transitional piece pointing towards further directions Pete's songwriting would take: the somber mood and the wistful lyrics remind me of the Who's later By Numbers in particular.

"Rael 1" is one of the album's weak points. Nearly six minutes long, and pretty boring at that. The organ is supposedly being played by Al Kooper, but I can barely hear him, or any other instrument besides the drums and the vocals...until very near the end when a wonderful guitar riff which would reoccur later in Who history suddenly appears and rocks'n'rolls a little bit before returing to where it came from. "Rael 2" on side two continues going where the first one left off: nowhere. You could accuse this "mini-opera" of being a departure from the Who's concept as it's basically pretentious, "artistic" filler, but I'm not going to as I believe the concept is loose enough to handle it.

But don't despair, my love! "Glittering Girl" is a definite return to form. Excellent melody, good pumping bass line, nice bits of piano playing here and there, and good, understated guitar work. The vocal parts are much more complex and developed than the instrumental backup here - it sounds like Pete is being rather lazy, refusing to do anything more on his guitar than is absolutely necessary to advance the song. The result is a really pleasant, enjoyable opus, but not quite a classic. One thing I've noticed about this album listening to it again is how poorly it flows after "Silas Stingy." I would probably enjoy this song, for instance, even more if I hadn't had to endure the needlessness of "Rael" first. Anyway, this nice pop song directly segues into the hardest rocking tune on album: a Coke ad. It's not very good, but it's loud: booming, distorted bass, clanging guitar, and an oppresive melody reinforcing the banality of it all: "Coke after Coke after Coke after Coca-Cola..."

Next up is "Melancholia", which I think is a really terrific song - one of the best on Side B de facto. "The sun is shining...but not for me" is a line which moves me in strange and mysterious ways. The whole thing is beautifully written(and Pete's words should prove very affecting to anyone who has suffered from malaise at any time...that's probably just about everybody), but even more importantly the MUSIC is actually good, too: the guitars are distorted and intense, Entwistle is doing some neat things on the bass, and Daltrey is delivering one of his best performances on the album. There's even a tearing guitar solo! The Who have returned from the drudgery of whatever drudgery they were involved in! Huzzah!

It might not be your cuppa tea, but "Someone's Coming" is to me the sweet, moving love song that "Our Love Was" wasn't. The brass arrangements were apparently recorded in Nashville while the rest of the song was recorded in England, but the trombone line fits the song so well I can hardly believe it was dubbed in at a later date. I adore it! Lyrically, the song concerns this boy and this girl who each day meet each other at secret hiding place unbeknownst to the girl's parents - consequently they are always in fear of being discovered by the girl's parents, who we assume must not approve of the boy. Forbidden, young love. Ooh err. It's very tastefully written and arranged - never stupid and banal as "Our Love Was" was. And the trombone line is terrific!

"Jaguar" is a bit unusual...something of a hodge-podge collection of rock riffs and phrases that don't really fit together as a harmonious whole. Roger is singing something but I can't make out what he's trying to say. Average, I'd call it, but at least it rocks like filler!?!? It is sandwiched between the rather mediocre one line ad jingles for "John Mason's Cars." Hah, no wonder the band didn't get any freebies from John Mason. They would have to at least write another "Odorono."

"Early Morning Cold Taxi" is a lively but reflective tune that muses on one of Pete Townshend's favorite themes: growing old and getting dumped! Best lyric line: "3:36, it's cold, I know I'm growing old." That's it in a nutshell. Very boring instrumentally: you can hear the bass, the drums, and acoustic guitar, but they're not doing anything interesting. That's what growing old is like. Lots of noise, nothing really interesting going on. Reach for the Zoloft!

Hey, look what's next! It's "Hall of the Mountain King"! By Grieg! And the Who covered it! Sort of. Err, not really. This actually sounds kind of funny and wimpy compared to Grieg's pounding classical original which may be found on the Peer Gynt suite reviewed elsewhere on this site. But they've got the main theme down pat, and it sounds super cool on bass guitar. Roger Daltrey is "oohing" over the instruments in a spooky sort of way, and Pete's 'lectric guitar fills are nicey-nice. Judging from the way it is recorded, I'd bet the Who had never heard Grieg's original(this butchered version of Grieg's classic apparently was a bar band favorite in the UK during the 60s). This stays at the same tempo throughout, while Grieg's becomes progressively faster. But Grieg didn't think to put in the silly sound effects(people laughing, wolves howling, wind blowing, ducks burping), so I guess that counts for something. It was probably John Entwistle's idea to record this, as he really sounds brilliant here.

Following the amusing five second "Radio One (Boris Mix)" blurb that references Entwistle's "Boris the Spider" from the Who's last record, the pop classic "Girl's Eyes" roars in to warm your hearts, brighten your face, comb your hair, clean your shoes, kick your knees, and make you all around glad to be alive. It's really lovely, especially the acoustic guitar in the final section. Keith Moon and John Entwistle are being annoying, though, by playing too fast while Pete's playing slow!

The final chorus of "Odorono" is a lame excuse for a bonus track, but the alternate version of "Mary Anne With The Shaky Hand" is delightful. It's known as the "electric" version, but what I really like about this is not the addition of the electric guitar but instead Al Kooper's superb organ playing. He really punctuates the song very well throughout. I'd have to seriously think about which "Mary" version to choose if I had to pick only one. Luckily, with this album you get both. Howzat for a good deal?

Odds and Sods fans know "Glow Girl" well. It's most famous for including in its last lines a few stirring words which would mean a great deal more when used again in the Who's classic rock opera Tommy. The song is decent enough, but doesn't really have anything special to recommend it above all the other songs ever made. Enjoyable enough, though, don't you say?

And that's that. This album has too many dull moments for me to quite be able to call it a "pop classic" or anything of the sort, but I love the concept and how the Who approached it. A few of the ads are classics in their own right. Certainly, a few of the songs are classics, too. Sure, it's not as good as Live at Leeds, but not many things are. I give it a very low 8(as in 8.1 while Beethoven's Ninth Symphon got something like a 8.9999999). If you're in the market for an affordable concept album which is sure to interest, intrigue, and fascinate, look no further than this. As long as you don't EXPECT a "pop classic", you should be pleased as punch at what you'll find!

8 stars(out of 10)

Live at Leeds by the Who(1970)

Like many of you, Live at Leeds was the first live album I ever bought. But it didn't really make sense to me till I heard the reissued-with-bonus-track edition(it's the same price as the original, and a whole album's worth better, too!) just a couple months ago. Well, whaddya know...this is the greatest live record in rock, and the most consistent of the Who's albums! Skip the next paragraph and the track listing for more of my assembled ravings.

Hi! I'm the paragraph that the bastard reviewer told you to skip! I certainly don't appreciate being "skipped" or "skimmed over" since I'm just as worthwhile a read as any other paragraph you'll find in this review. My purpose in life is to serve as the obligatory "great live albums compared with Live at Leeds" paragraph, so let's get on with it, shall we? Live at Leeds is a little better than the Rolling Stones' Get Yer Ya-Yas Out because the latter record is more than a little draggy in comparison, plus I really hate the word "Ya-yas." Live at Leeds is better than the Ramones It's Alive because the Who are a better(in the "skillful" and "creative" sense of the word) rock and roll band of course...but It's Alive is the best live rock record of the past twenty years. Live at Leeds is a mite better than Cheap Trick's At Budokan just cuz Cheap Trick ain't involved. Live at Leeds is better than Kiss's Alive! cause Kiss only recorded about five good songs in their career Alive! has SIXTEEN SONGS! I could go on, but I won't. Feel the power!

Track listing:

1. Heaven and Hell

2. I Can't Explain

3. Fortune Teller

4. Tattoo

5. Young Man Blues

6. Substitute

7. Happy Jack

8. I'm A Boy

9. A Quick One, While He's Away

10. Amazing Journey/Sparks

11. Summertime Blues

12. Shakin' All Over

13. My Generation

14. Magic Bus

Live at Leeds was an important album for the Who to record. They were fresh off the success of Tommy, an album which changed the face of rock and roll for better or worse. It had earned them many new fans, but it also disappointed a lot of old fans who had previously considered the Who to be a straightforward, non-intellectual working class rock band. Live at Leeds was an attempt by the Who to show that the band was more than Tommy. They were the same band who recorded The Who Sings My Generation all dem years ago. They were still a band that could rock with the best of 'em without literary concepts backing the music up. The Who were still the Who, and the Who were much more than Tommy. The recorded results were wholly successful. I, in fact, enjoy this record more than any other in the Who's canon...including Tommy. For me, Live at Leeds represents the best sound the Who ever achieved in their entire career: hard rocking but tuneful, raw and loud with all the gloss and polish of the recording studio stripped away. Delightfully, the album also presents a very likable Who as well. Forget "pretentious" and "overblown", two of the words most often used to criticize the Who. No, the Who caught live in Leeds on that fateful day were a band that didn't take themselves too seriously. They joked with each other and the audience, they played rock'n'roll covers with love and abandon, and they performed their own compositions to the best of their ability. Sure, the old songs don't sound exactly like they do on record, but any intentional song deviations are made only to enhance the listener's enjoyment. Man, it sure is a great album.

This album is so darn nice, in fact, I'm going to have to take it track by track. I'm sorry, but I gots to do what I gots to do! Live at Lards opens up with "Heaven and Hell." That's a great song...did I ever tell you that John Entwistle may be my favorite Who member? Eh, why not...e's got a better voice than Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend, and he's a very nice bass player. Probably not the best bass player of all times as some proclaim, but very nice, indeed! Anyway, "Heaven and Hell" riffs and rocks and Townshend solos a bit...wow! This is rock and roll, isn't it? "I Can't Explain" is one of me favorite early Who singles...but this live version is a couple times better than its studio version. It's just more rockin'. Roger is singing in a lower pitch, the guitars thrash in ways Mr. Johnny Distortion could have only dreamed of, and the harmonies, though considerably less perfect than those on the studio version, are more enjoyable for me to listen to...you know I don't like that high pitched singin' business. I leave it to the opera singers. Ooh, ah! "Fortune Teller" may not be the best version ever made of that song, but it's certainly enjoyable(and it's the first song here where Keith Moon's drum work really shines through). This song directly segues into "Tattoo", a hilarious and great song that is perfectly satisfying. "Young Man Blues" rocks harder than you'd expect a song originally written by a "jazz sage" would. It's quite a simple song, but the middle part rules(listen to John go...chunka chunka chunka. Keith Moon's drumming great on this song, too. On the other hand, Pete is trying a little too hard to be a maniacal soloist when in fact that's not his greatest strength as a guitarist. Some of what he's doing rocks, but those good things don't stick around long enough for you to enjoy them.) After those five distortion filled rockers, what do we get? Three of the Who's "nicest singles" all neatly arranged in a row. Well, that's going to be a let down, isn't it.

Oh, of course not! These are all better, tougher versions than their originals could ever hope to be. While I can barely sit through thirty seconds of the original "Happy Jack" and "I'm A Boy", I love 'em both live. "Happy Jack" in particular sounds great. There's a certain poetic resonance in the lyrics that you'd never even notice from listening to the studio version. "Happy Jack wasn't tall, but he was a man." Roger Daltrey sounds like a great singer for once in his life...isn't that crazy? To end side one we get our mini-opera "A Quick One, While He's Away." It's certainly a little silly(a couple of the melodies are even lifted from traditional songs), but enjoyable. I won't ruin the storyline for you, because this particular Pete Townshend mini-opera doesn't have much of one to begin with.

Side two opens with "Amazing Journey/Sparks" which is a welcome reminder of the Who's last studio album(at the time of this concert), Tommy. It's good as you'd expect(I'm no Tommy basher, you know, it is just patchy like every other Who album). Next up for your aural enjoyment is the Who's legendary cover of a bonafide rock'n'roll classic. I am of course speaking of "Summertime Blues." I hate to be the voice of dissent amongst Leeds reviewers, but truthfully, I don't see why this is considered to be the best track on this recording. The riffing is tremendous and Roger is singing up a storm, I'll grant you that. But come on, it's just a cover! How could a band as talented as the Who ever mess up a song that's already so good? "Shakin' All Over" is another enjoyable cover...man, what on Earth is possessing Keith there in the middle of the song? What a nut case. I like very much how the band just stops to jam around a bit without caring even a tiny bit as to whether or not the song they were playing just a short minute ago was "Shakin' All Over." It might as well have been "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree(With Anyone Else But Me)." Real nice stuff, though.

"My Generation" deserves a new paragraph. You've probably heard the song; I daresay it's the most famous pre-Tommy Who song. It's the "hope I die before I get old" tune...know it now? Again, though, I much prefer this live version to the Who's studio performance. Where the recorded work was a little overwrought and long, this live one goes on just for the right amount of time before turning into a medley of more Tommy.

"Magic Bus", the last song on the re-issued album, sure doesn't deserve a new paragraph, but I'm givin' it one anyhoo. You ever hear the original "Magic Bus"? It's a real upbeat dandy of a song. Acoustic guitars, but still very rock'n'roll. Silly lyrics, of course, but at least it's not about walruses. This "Magic Bus" is completely different. Well, it's got the same lyrics, of course(what did you expect...Daltrey reciting Nietzsche and Jung? The Who may be pretentious at times, but they ain't that pretentious!). It's a good song in both its formats, and I'm sure you'll like it just fine.

9 stars(out of 10)

Reader Comments

alexanderanon@hotmail.com (Alexander Anonmous)

I agree with you that LAL is the best Who money can buy, but I'd certainly raise your '9' rating to a '10'. What gives? The Who are indisputably one of the best rock groups of all time and they deserve at least one '10'. You didn't seem to have any criticisms to make that would justify the '9' instead of the '10'. One other thing, since you love live Who so much, have you heard Live at the Isle of Wight Fest? I think you would like it nearly as much as Live at Leeds. It's got most of Tommy and lots of other great stuff.

The Who by Numbers(1975)

Well, lots of people have lots of different things to say about the Who. There are those who love all early Who but figure it was all downhill starting with Tommy. There are those that don't think the Who even hit their stride till Tommy. There are those who think Tommy was just worthless and should be skipped, unworthy of being compared to either early Who or Who's Next. Then there's me. And I'm just not a huge fan of the Who. Still, I own an awful lot of their albums(I've settled for a compilation to cover the early years of the band, but I am getting more and more tempted to buy Sell Out just to discover if it is the perfect Who album for me). I respect them as early forerunners of the genre of classic rock which I love. Like I respect Bach. I'll talk about Tommy, Quadrophenia, and Who's Next when the time comes for me to review 'em. Right now I'd like to discuss The Who by Numbers. Here's the track listing:

1. Slip Kid

2. Imagine a Man

3. They Are All In Love

4. Blue Red and Grey

5. How Many Friends

6. However Much I Booze

7. Squeeze Box

8. Dreaming From the Waist

9. Success Story

10. In A Hand or Face

Even by my standards, By Numbers is a weak Who album. It's no bad album or anything; it's just a bit uninspired and dull. I place a lot of blame on the shoulders of vocalist Roger Daltrey. He and Townshend have always been odd partners since their early mod days, and at this point in the Who's career Daltrey seems incompetent to handle Townshend's lyrics. Townshend just wasn't writing silly anthemic stuff like "Hope I die before I get old" anymore. He was writing more about life, or to be exact, midlife. The heart of this record are the melancholy songs. Daltrey couldn't deal with them. "Imagine a Man" should've been beautiful. Instead it simply sounds like an overlong ballad that tries too hard to be beautiful. I don't mean to put all the blame on Daltrey, either...Townshend certainly did(or rather, didn't) do his part. He writes these lyrics from his heart, but he has no music in his soul to back them up. This whole thing is underarranged, which results in a record full of songs that won't make a big impression on you.

Okay, there are by my count at least three "rock" songs on this thing: "Slip Kid", "Squeeze Box", and "Success Story." "Slip Kid" is a good riff rocker to open things up, but Daltrey sounds as bad singing it as he does on the ballads. I used to love "Squeeze Box" as a kid, but now it does absolutely nothing for me. John Entwhistle's "Success Story", on the other hand, is my favorite tune on this record. Rock and roll! Bass guitar-led with cool vocal effects(like "Boris the Spider", but BETTER!). It starts out sounding like the heaviest disco sound ever record, only to end with some truly tremendous bass riffing. Awesome. I suppose "Dreaming From the Waist" comes close to rockin', but it's unimpressive for Who standards(don't let Keith's great drumming fool ya!).

As for the more melancholy numbers, my favorite would be "Blue Red and Grey." All it's saying is how Pete likes every minute of every day, but it's so damned sad. A repetitive banjo riffing in the background for effect, Daltrey singing very quietly(but still sounding a bit uncomfortable with it all). None of the other slower songs sound as near-perfect. Oh, hey, by the way, the banjo is there in "Squeeze Box", too. You know, when Pete met John, Townshend was a banjo player and Entwhistle was a trumpeter! I think it's cool that Pete picked up his old instrument and tried to work with it a little. I appreciate things like that. The more cool instruments utilized in rock and rolly formations the better I say!

Finally, I have to note one more thing: the original version of this album(which I've got) sucks sound quality wise. I've heard some of the remastered tunes and they do sound quite a bit better, a lot less murky. So, I'd advise you, if you choose to pick up this album, pick it up on CD. If there were more songs that really got to me that I just had to hear in as good as possible versions, I'd probably junk my old copy and go with CD too. As it is, not even "Success Story" is worth $10.

4 stars(out of 10)

The Transformed Man by William Shatner(1968)

In this world of ours, there are both geniuses and non-geniuses - everyone may be created equal, but somehow a few get ahead of the rest of us and once they do they're very difficult to catch up with. For every Beethoven, it's inevitable that we have a dozen Doris Days'. But does this mean that we should throw away our Doris Days and only listen to the Beethovens? No, it doesn't, but let me be honest with you for a little bit. Doris Day as a singer was basically a mediocrity. Sure, she sounds nice if all you're doing is listening to her on a record or in a movie, but once you measure her against all the other great singers and musicians the world has ever seen, she doesn't hold up. Now, I happen to like Doris Day a lot, especially her films with Dean Martin, but that doesn't mean I'd ever review one of her movies or records and say what a phenomenal singer she was. She wasn't. She was just an average singer. But one thing I think it's very easy to overlook as a reviewer is that people don't just enjoy art because of a piece's inherent quality. We like particular works of art because they appeal to our senses and our sensibilities - it's possible to like art that's mediocre simply because it is mediocre. I suspect I prefer the "average" Doris Day to the "great" and "revolutionary" Billie Holliday because I, too, am more a mediocrity than a genius. But I still realize, of course, that in no way, shape, or form can it be construed that Doris Day was a superior singer to Billie Holliday. That's just not true. If I had to review a few records by those two ladies', I would undoubtedly give Billie Holliday higher ratings, though I'd criticize her music for not appealing to my tastes, I'd still have to acknowledge the basic quality of the work. I'm saying all this because of a statement I heard someone once say in reference to William Shatner: they called him the "Renaissance man of mediocrity." This statement touched me, because I realized how true it was. Yes, William Shatner was a mediocre actor - watch those old episodes of Star Trek again and see. He may have been a Shakespearean auteur of great histronic talent in a past life, but there's a reason why he "graduated" to sci-fi. William Shatner also writes sci-fi novels. These are also mediocre. William Shatner also recorded a record in 1968 - it is very mediocre. Some say "abysmal." But I like it! And I'm writing this review up just for this album - a wonderful, marvelous piece of mediocrity I wouldn't throw away for anything in the world.

Here's the track listing:

1. King Henry The Fifth

2. Elegy For The Brave

3. Theme From Cyrano

4. Mr. Tamborine Man

5. Hamlet

6. It Was A Very Good Year

7. Romeo And Juliet

8. How Insensitive/Insenatez

9. Spleen

10. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds

11. The Transformed Man

N.B.: This is not the "actual" track listing - the CD version jams several tunes/selections on single tracks, so that there are only six tracks in all. But they're different, so I decided to give them their own billing that they so richly deserve.

In that magical, mystical year of 1968, when the Beatles were recording that album that was awful white and Creedence Clearwater Revival were hard at work on their first two records, and possibly other things were happening as well, William Shatner took a break from the hugely successful television series Star Trek in order to ruminate over his wasted life. His ruminations led him down a strange and utterly unexpected path - the recording of his own record album. As he himself said of the record, it was spiritually cleansing and invigorating for him as an artist - critics were not so pleased with it, and neither was the audience aside from a few really open-minded and mediocrity-loving Star Trek fanatics. What I will say about it is this: it's definitely a novel sort of album. I don't own anything else quite like it. You have spoken excerpts from Shakespearean plays, screamed diatribes and science fiction tales, and original lounge music set to covers of then-popular tunes. Shatner apparently couldn't sing, so he really didn't try to - it's all spoken or shouted, with his trademark pauses inserted liberally. The recitals are really grand stuff, complete with minimalistic musical accompaniment. Shatner may be only a mediocre actor, but he certainly is undeniably intense - listen to that "King Henry The Fifth"! The "Theme From Cyrano" is a light touch at humor that may be freely and easily enjoyed, but I think my favorites of the recitals are the lushly string-driven "Ellegy For The Brave" and "Romeo And Juliet." Good deliveries from our man Shatner there - he doesn't overact as much on these as he does on "Hamlet." They're all inadvertently hilarious, however. Of course, the true masterpiece on the album is the cover of "Mr. Tamborine Man." It's my second favorite version of that tune - behind Bob Dylan's, of course, but ahead of the overplayed Byrds' hit. The intro is awesome - the relaxed and rockin' lounge bass line was later featured in Leisure Suit Larry 3: Passionate Patti In Pursuit Of The Pulsating Pectorals. Shatner's questioning opening line, "Hey...Mr. Tamborine Man?" is classic in its own way, as well. He got other people to sing the poppy chorus, probably because Shatner refused to sing a melody. Needless to say, Shatner's interpretation of the song is simply brilliant. Neither Dylan or the Byrds ever would have dreamed of coming up with this. A true classic for the ages. Shatner even ends the song with a tortuous cry of despair, "Mr. Tamborine Man!!!!!!!" It makes me think. About what? Quite frankly, I don't know myself. "How Insensitive" is a weird one, the dark and tangled instrumentation is reminiscent of a more alternative, experimental Velvet Underground - Shatner's vocal delivery even out Nico's-Nico. It's a very good song taken in this format, which is I suppose the only format you'd hear it in. It's not as if this was a top ten hit or something - really alternative stuff. In fact, songs like "Mr. Tamborine Man" remind me a lot of what I used to hear on this "experimental music" radio show that's not around anymore. They played all sorts of crazy stuff...well known underground heroes like John Oswald and Negativland mixed with tons of retro-song stylings. One minute a girl surf group from Holland, next minute a "Sentimental Journey"-ish pop tune that could've been recorded in the 40s complete with genuine vocalisms and horn backups. You know, basically crap, but it was weird and entertaining crap, and it was bizarre to think that all these people nobody had ever heard of were making this sort of music(music that had been out of style for many years) NOW. Anyway, "Spleen" is a real spooky song. It's about psychosis. Oh, how frightening it is to hear Shatner slowly go out of his mind till he is wailing in despair, and then that dischordant trumpet(also used in the Planet of the Apes theme song to great effect) kicks in. Very, very disturbing. Some people herald "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" as the second classic of the album, but in no way may it be considered on the same level as "Mr. Tamborine Man." Where's the innovation? Shatner's vocals are as always hilarious, however. The album ends on another disturbing note with the title track. It's a strange one - I couldn't possibly describe it for you.

Now I leave it for you to decide: is William Shatner's The Transformed Man a triumph in mediocrity, an unjustly overlooked underground classic, or a piece of crap? As for me and my house....

5 stars(out of 10)

Enter the Wu-Tang 36 Chambers by the Wu-Tang Clan(1993)

Ok folks. I don't know all that much about that form of music kids been digging for the past twenty years that is known as rap. However, as a disinterested, disgruntled, and unwilling member of a rap-lovin' generation, I decided to review a rap album. Might as well start with the Wu-Tangers. They are, after all, a rather critically acclaimed outfit. So, here's my little review. You can tell me to go to hell! That's the fun of this page, isn't it? Track listing:

1. Bring Da Ruckus

2. Shame on a Nigger

3. Clan in Da Front

4. Wu-Tang: 7th Chamber

5. Can It Be All So Simple

6. Intermission

7. Da Mystery Of Chessboxin'

8. Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nuthing Ta F' Wit

9. C.R.E.A.M.

10. Method Man

11. Protect Ya Neck

12. Tearz

13. Wu-Tang: 7th Chamber (Part II)

14. Conclusion

As I've probably said in other reviews you probably never bothered to read because you're probably a stupid loser, I'm not a "lyric" guy. I'm into the "music." So don't expect in depth lyric analysis here, alright? Glad we got that straightened out. So what about this album? Not that great. Starts off with the profanity laden tune "Bring Da Ruckus." Tis followed by more rappin'. Nothing special. "Can It Be All So Simple" samples Gladys Knight and the Pips' "The Way We Were", which doesn't excite me terribly since I've never been a huge Gladys Knight fan. "Da Mystery" is sposed to be the standout track here, and sure, it's ok. However, the next tune, "Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nuthing Ta F' Wit" is probably the best song of the album. Pretty representative of many of their songs, and fairly catchy. I wonder why rappers feel the need to swear so much? You know, if you're just gonna use the same expletives over and over again it kind of defeats the purpose of swearing in the first place, doesn't it? There's no shock value after an hour of this. It's pointless.

One thing I do appreciate: this album doesn't sound overproduced one bit. Rootsy rap? Yeah! Sort of! And you have to admire how the Wu-Tang Clan managed to come out of nowhere and be a success. STILL, there's nothing here for me. Is there something here for you? Good for you! Rap sure does seem to be generic in its present form, though. Of course, that is an unfair statement to make, at least till I've listened to some underground rap....which I will probably never do :).

I think I've been pretty diplomatic in this review, but I suppose I ought to say what I wanna say right here and now bout rap since I probably won't be reviewing a whole lot of rap albums(though I certainly will review a few more...eventually). In the late 90s, rap/hip-hop is the dominant form of music in America, but it doesn't deserve to be. Now in the 80s, every rap outfit didn't sound the same. No. There was some individuality, and even on occasion, some interesting samples and creative beats. Zoom in to the 90s when Puffy is sellin' millions and you turn on yer MTV wondering to yourself so, is that Usher or Mase? There aren't any chicks singing "bad, bad boy.." but that part might be over. Lauryn Hill put out a terrific album this year, but it wasn't a standard rap album at all. Rather, it was a different, very good sort of rap album that points towards Miss Hill having quite a successful career possibly far, far away from rap if she so desires. She's a talented lady. Now I don't know if these rappers(like, say, the Wu-Tang Clan who I'm reviewing right here) just don't have the real talent to begin with, or if they've just been encouraged not to develop their talents and "give the people what they want." But I fail to understand why the Clan, with eight or so producers/vocalists, fail to deliver even a particularly interesting album that's worthy of repeated listenings.

4 stars(out of 10)

Keys to Ascension by Yes(1996)

Ah yes. Ah, Yes. I have to give Yes their due; they are one of the finest progressive rock bands ever. However, I have never cared for Jon Anderson's high-pitched vocals. This is still rock and roll! Act and sing like a man! Wellllll, that's what I say anyway. Here's the track listing for this very fine two CD live/studio album:

1. Siberian Khatru

2. Revealing Science of God

3. America

4. Onward

5. Awaken

1. Roundabout

2. Starship Trooper

3. Be The One

4. That, That Is

What this album does is showcase that Yes is a very good live band these days. With all respect to the Rolling Stones, Yes sounds live here as well as they ever did. (though their Hard Rock Live appearance was rather flat...) The music is still interesting! Of course, this is the near classic Yes lineup of Jon Anderson, Chris Squire, Steve Howe, Rick Wakeman, and the ever improving Alan White. Considering Wakeman has again left the band, it becomes all the more vital to grab each and every Yes recording featuring the man's brilliant keyboard playing. But you don't buy a live Yes album for the keyboard playing: this album features some acute jamming! Including both CDs, this album clocks in at one hour and 55 minutes, and only contains 9 songs. You do the math. But that's Yes for you! Yes! I can dig this right now. All the live songs are pretty incredible. I'm not very impressed with "Revealing Science of God", but you must realize I'm only a casual Yes listener. I don't care for Jon Anderson in particular....not his high-pitched voice or mysticism. Though I guess there would be no Yes without him, so I'll just have to get used to 'im. Casual listener I may be, I am impressed. Yes have an awful lot of long songs in their discography(Tales from Topographic Oceans? DUDE!). I admire how they are able to bring it all together live on this disc and not bore the living daylights out of picky rock fans. And I am a pretty picky rock fan. If I'm willing to listen to this for an hour and 55 minutes, well, that means it's awful good!

9 stars(out of 10)

Spotlight on Guitar by Various Artistes(1990)

This is not a sleazy 70s rock compilation that proclaims the like of Mick Jones to be incredible guitar virtuosos, not only the equal of Clapton, but also on the same level as all those crazyass classical guitar composers you've never heard of. This is a compilation of guitar works by all those crazyass classical guitar composers you've never heard of. Oh! I guess I had heard of a number of these, but I was introduced to some new composers courtesy of this compilation, too. My classical record collection is still rather small, as I've always put it behind my other various musical interests. Classical music is a huge world, like jazz(but of course, bigger). It's difficult to find what the good stuff is, beyond what's popular and safe. We get our Beethoven, our Bach, our Mozart flung at us all the time, and while all three of those are great composers, what of the hundreds of other composers who did not find such success in their own time who might be just as good? You have to look for them, of course, and just maybe you'll find the perfect composer for you who reflects all the musical values you're looking for. I felt I might as well start my journey off here, with my favorite instrument of all time, the guitar.

Track listing(non-accented):

1. Sevilla(Isaac Albeniz)

2. Danza del Molinero(Manuel de Falla)

3. Homenaje a Tarrega, Opus 69(Joaquin Turina)

4. Concerto in D for Guitar & Strings, Movement III: Allegro, (Antonio Vivaldi)

5. Partita in A minor(Johann Anton Logy)

6. Granada(Isaac Albeniz)

7. Villanesca(Enrique Granados)

8. Andante con espressione in G major(Anton Diabelli)

9. Cassation in C for Guitar, Violin, and Cello, Hob III, Number 6, Movement I: Presto...and

10. Movement II: Menuetto; Trio

11. Romanze in A minor(Niccolo Paganini)

12. Cadiz(Isaac Albeniz)

13. Danza Venezolana(Antonio Lauro)

14. Five Romances for Two Guitars(Fernando Carulli)

15. Etude Number 7(Hector Villa-Lobos)

16. Choros Number 1(Hector Villa-Lobos)

It took a while for this CD to make sense to me, but eventually it did. Not every track is particularly noteworthy, but those that are are worth the two bucks I paid for it. I'm certainly I glad I got it rather than shooting in the dark and picking say a Paganini album at random. So what's fantastic here? Well, my two favorite tracks are by composers I was unfamiliar with before picking this comp up: Johann Anton Logy and Anton Diabelli. Not only do their two contributions each skillfully move from melody to melody without jeopardizing the whole musical experience, I find their guitar styles more appealing than a few of the other fellows featured here. I've listened to some more Diabelli, too, and I must say I'm very impressed with him overall. He seems to be as good as the composer who I had previously considered the king of classical guitar(though in ignorance, of course), Domenico Scarlotti.

Other notable mentions: Isaac Albeniz is a good lightweight guitar composer, though his song-naming vision seems to have been restricted to Spanish cities. Of the three of his songs featured here, I'd say "Cadiz" is the best. de Falla and Turina also contribute relatively impressive tunes, but they did not compose well for the bass(higher) strings, in my opinion. Vivaldi's selection would demand the creation of the word allegro were it not already invented. It's faster and livelier than a jackrabbit in heat. And almost disgustingly happy. Plus, it also qualifies as hardcore punk since it hits the two minute mark only by a few seconds. It's more of a showcase for the orchestral strings than the solo guitar, however. I have the same problem with Haydn's Cassation in C for Guitar, Violin, and Cello. The guitar just isn't doing that many interesting things. And what's with it anyway? The first movement is supposed to be presto(fast)! Now sure, this version presented here by Luise Walker, Paul Roczek, and Wilfried Tachezi is pretty and soft, but it's not what I was looking for. It's too pretty and soft. Doesn't make me feel like dancing. Not even slow dancin'. Niccolo Paganini's "Romanze in A minor" is more my style. It opens with one of the sultriest guitar lines you'll ever hear in all your days. This is a man who obviously understood the guitar. He understood the depth of feeling you could get out of it, the uniqueness of the instrument. The "Dust in the Wind" like middle part is just beautiful. That level of understanding is just what is missing in the Haydn and Vivaldi pieces. The last four songs on here don't interest me in the least. I find them all moderately dull, but you might enjoy them. Lauro and Carulli contribute ballads; Villa-Lobos presents dorky, upbeat, and annoying somethings.

8 stars(out of 10)

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